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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 678789" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>This site has helped to change me over the last months - to make me new in many ways - I look forward to being with you each day.</p><p></p><p>I have latched onto your replies as a saving life raft. First I remembered “<em>there is nothing I need to do</em>.” Then I remembered “<em>slow… way… down</em>.”</p><p></p><p>Over the past days, I have read and re-read your wise words, pondered them in my heart, lifted them to the heavens and assimilated them into my bones and marrow. I have wept long and longer, and sobbed out my breath on the winds and then breathed in a new life and acceptance and some understanding. I am still trying to maintain a sense of gratitude about it all.</p><p></p><p>I have decided as of now, I am not sending my son a letter in the prison right now. You are right. There is no benefit. I have nothing new to say. He knows it all already. Also, we will not plan to visit. There is no profitable reason to do so. If son wants any contact from us, if he is needful of any valid support, he will initiate such a suggestion himself, and then I will decide if it is wise and will keep it simple.</p><p></p><p>I shared son’s situation with my other adult children. I did not want to be alone with it. They do not help me that much as 2 of them are far away, but they do understand and they have each other to a certain extent. My other son here in town actually passes the prison on his way to work each day. I asked him to please remember his bro as he rides by and lift some thoughts for the best.</p><p></p><p>I don’t know if son's ex-wife knows the situation. I do not speak often with her, and then only about the GKs’ schedule for visits to our house. I do not talk about my son with her, as she is only filled with vindictive criticism and annoyance about him. I wonder how I will explain to my grands when they ask why Dad is not coming to visit, why he does not phone them each night as he did, why they cannot reach him when they try to call him. One time already, my grandson called here asking if his daddy was here at our house, since he could not reach him on his cell phone…??</p><p></p><p>His trial is the end of March. That will be another scary time. If he is convicted, then more jail time will likely result. I almost think now that would be preferable. If he is released, then what? Where will he go again? What more trouble will happen? I can foresee myself getting anxious again at that time with all the uncertainties and fears. But there is no point imagining and worrying about an unknown future now.</p><p></p><p>I have such confidence and clarity in your guidance, knowing you understand and have been there in the varied situtations of DCs. I am thankful for your hearts and lives and the caring shared here and the trust we can feel with each other.</p><p></p><p>Then comes <em>the new day</em> ~ <em>Ka la hou</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 678789, member: 19617"] This site has helped to change me over the last months - to make me new in many ways - I look forward to being with you each day. I have latched onto your replies as a saving life raft. First I remembered “[I]there is nothing I need to do[/I].” Then I remembered “[I]slow… way… down[/I].” Over the past days, I have read and re-read your wise words, pondered them in my heart, lifted them to the heavens and assimilated them into my bones and marrow. I have wept long and longer, and sobbed out my breath on the winds and then breathed in a new life and acceptance and some understanding. I am still trying to maintain a sense of gratitude about it all. I have decided as of now, I am not sending my son a letter in the prison right now. You are right. There is no benefit. I have nothing new to say. He knows it all already. Also, we will not plan to visit. There is no profitable reason to do so. If son wants any contact from us, if he is needful of any valid support, he will initiate such a suggestion himself, and then I will decide if it is wise and will keep it simple. I shared son’s situation with my other adult children. I did not want to be alone with it. They do not help me that much as 2 of them are far away, but they do understand and they have each other to a certain extent. My other son here in town actually passes the prison on his way to work each day. I asked him to please remember his bro as he rides by and lift some thoughts for the best. I don’t know if son's ex-wife knows the situation. I do not speak often with her, and then only about the GKs’ schedule for visits to our house. I do not talk about my son with her, as she is only filled with vindictive criticism and annoyance about him. I wonder how I will explain to my grands when they ask why Dad is not coming to visit, why he does not phone them each night as he did, why they cannot reach him when they try to call him. One time already, my grandson called here asking if his daddy was here at our house, since he could not reach him on his cell phone…?? His trial is the end of March. That will be another scary time. If he is convicted, then more jail time will likely result. I almost think now that would be preferable. If he is released, then what? Where will he go again? What more trouble will happen? I can foresee myself getting anxious again at that time with all the uncertainties and fears. But there is no point imagining and worrying about an unknown future now. I have such confidence and clarity in your guidance, knowing you understand and have been there in the varied situtations of DCs. I am thankful for your hearts and lives and the caring shared here and the trust we can feel with each other. Then comes [I]the new day[/I] ~ [I]Ka la hou[/I] [/QUOTE]
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