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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 678793" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think I would tell them.</p><p></p><p>I think I would talk to their mother first, and tell her. If she opposes telling them, and keeps them from you, it is on her. I do not think I would tell them without involving the mother, first.</p><p></p><p>If your son were to call, I might discuss it with him, and make a plan. I might even remind your son of your responsibility to them (*and by inference his own), and your willingness to help with this (instead of meeting his every little whim). Is my anger slipping out here? Sorry.</p><p></p><p>I think it is worse on the kids to leave them without the truth. They may feel it is their fault. Or that he is indifferent or abandoned them. Or hurt. Or even dead. They may not tell you this, but they may feel it, think it. Fear it.</p><p></p><p>And I believe it is better for you and for your son, for the truth to be told.</p><p></p><p>Dad is in jail for right now. For right now we do not how long he will stay. He is alright and he loves you.</p><p></p><p>If they ask I would answer with the truth.</p><p></p><p>Believe me. They already know the truth and worse. The truth will hurt them less than what they can imagine.</p><p></p><p>Ideally, he would have reached out to them. Sent a letter or called. Would it not have been wonderful if he thought of them to protect them?</p><p></p><p>If the kids want to visit, and there is somebody to take them, and your son wants it, I would not oppose it. What the kids imagine (what we imagine) is always worse.</p><p></p><p>There will be other children there. Other families. Even though it feels abnormal, for millions of people and families jail and prison are a way of life. A reality in their lives. </p><p></p><p>You know, K, there is not a family that I know of that does not have something. However much we grieve about our situations, there is way worse. Do not be hard on yourself. Please. Everybody will come through this intact. You will, too. I believe that. Perhaps better than intact. There is always that hope.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 678793, member: 18958"] I think I would tell them. I think I would talk to their mother first, and tell her. If she opposes telling them, and keeps them from you, it is on her. I do not think I would tell them without involving the mother, first. If your son were to call, I might discuss it with him, and make a plan. I might even remind your son of your responsibility to them (*and by inference his own), and your willingness to help with this (instead of meeting his every little whim). Is my anger slipping out here? Sorry. I think it is worse on the kids to leave them without the truth. They may feel it is their fault. Or that he is indifferent or abandoned them. Or hurt. Or even dead. They may not tell you this, but they may feel it, think it. Fear it. And I believe it is better for you and for your son, for the truth to be told. Dad is in jail for right now. For right now we do not how long he will stay. He is alright and he loves you. If they ask I would answer with the truth. Believe me. They already know the truth and worse. The truth will hurt them less than what they can imagine. Ideally, he would have reached out to them. Sent a letter or called. Would it not have been wonderful if he thought of them to protect them? If the kids want to visit, and there is somebody to take them, and your son wants it, I would not oppose it. What the kids imagine (what we imagine) is always worse. There will be other children there. Other families. Even though it feels abnormal, for millions of people and families jail and prison are a way of life. A reality in their lives. You know, K, there is not a family that I know of that does not have something. However much we grieve about our situations, there is way worse. Do not be hard on yourself. Please. Everybody will come through this intact. You will, too. I believe that. Perhaps better than intact. There is always that hope. COPA [/QUOTE]
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