Nichole and Boyfriend's Mom Go Toe To Toe (long)

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Dec 9, 2007.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    First a bit of background, at least what I know.

    boyfriend's Mom is an odd person. (which just might account for some of boyfriend's gfgdom) I try not to judge her because I simply don't know her that well. But to be honest, from what I do know and have seen, we aren't likely to become friends of any sort. She comes across cold as ice, far too concerned with "appearances", I know she has some strong OCDish type traits (I see them as traits more than the disorder), some anxiety. But mostly what I've seen myself, heard from her husband and son, as well as Nichole, AND her husband's parents and sister is that she has the "poor pity me" thing to the Nth degree. Doesn't matter what an issue might be, somehow it must involve her/be about her/come down to poor her, if you know what I mean.

    Reminds me quite a bit of my own mother, which tells me I myself wouldn't be able to tolerate it for long without it grating on my nerves.

    However Nichole has not only tolerated this woman but she's kept her mouth shut. boyfriend's Mom seemed to adore her up until the baby was born. I can't tell you how many times Nichole has come home because boyfriend's Mom is either criticizing her to death or trying to take over the care of Aubrey. It's not just Nichole. The woman does this to her husband and boyfriend too. They both tell me that it's always been that way, just has gotten severely worse in the past several years.

    Okay. Now boyfriend's Mom has a dog. Since she got this dog a year ago, Nichole has actually taken care of it more than anyone else. boyfriend's Mom keeps the poor thing in it's crate all of the time. There have been several incidences of the dog snapping at the baby. Nichole popped it on the nose and told it No. (the way we do our dogs, more to startle than hurt) boyfriend's Mom got mad each time and told Nichole that the dog could do what she wants it's HER house. Nichole asked her if she minded the dog actually biting Aubrey, cuz if she let her nip her that would be next. boyfriend's Mom kept telling her it was the dogs house. Nichole told boyfriend Mom that if she was going to let the dog hurt her own grandchild, maybe Aubrey shouldn't visit.

    What wound up happening was Nichole ignored boyfriend Mom and still pops the dog on the nose if it trys to snap at the baby. But bare in mind Nichole is also the one playing with the dog, giving it affection, training it, ect. Because if she didn't the dog would be locked in it's crate 18 to 20 hrs a day.

    Now I guess these past few weeks boyfriend's Mom has been telling them to get out of the livingroom with the excuse she needs to feed the dog. Nichole and boyfriend have done it. The problem is that when they have to be in boyfriend's room the baby has to be in a playpen, so she screams. There is no room for her to play, and too much electronical equiptment in the room to just let her be in the room with them.

    So evidently it's been building.

    This morning they were in the livingrm and the Mom told them to go to the bedroom. Nichole asked her if she even wanted to see Aubrey anymore, cuz all she did was send them to the bedroom now.
    (Nichole admits the comment is what started it)

    boyfriend Mom blew a gasket. Evidently it was vicious, ugly, and brutal. Nichole was ungrateful, she neglected the baby while she was there, she makes boyfriend do everything for her and the baby, she USES boyfriend, she makes the Mom cook for her and care for the baby.... And well that was the jest of it in much politer terms.

    Nichole calls home sobbing. I think Uh Oh she and boyfriend are fighting. I ask what's wrong. When she tells me I ask if she wants me to send her Dad. (I sound calm cuz I'm in shock lol) She tells me to wait, but she'll call if she needs a ride. I asked her if boyfriend stood up for her. She said well no. I made no comment.

    I hang up. Now I know it had to be awfully bad because Nichole won't sob like that in front of just anyone. But I try not to let it bother me.

    Awhile later she calls again. She needs her dad NOW. So I send him.

    She had packed all of Aubrey's belongings and brought them home.

    After the first phone call the "arguement" continued, only boyfriend's Dad had stepped in to defend Nichole, which in turn had boyfriend stepping in to come to her defense too. Nichole said the Dad was telling the Mom that she was way out of bounds, what she was saying wasn't true, ect.

    As it stands at the moment Nichole and Aubrey won't be going back. I didn't voice an opinion on the fight. But I did tell Nichole that she did the right thing. She has the right to be treated with respect. That it might be the Mom's home (and what she says goes there), that doesn't give her the right to treat Nichole like a peon.

    Nichole and boyfriend stayed here this evening. boyfriend is backing Nichole although it's not going to make life easy with his Mom. And Nichole feels bad because boyfriend's Dad adores Aubrey, so she told boyfriend to tell him he can come see her whenever he wants just to call first.

    What an ugly situation. But I'm assuming Nichole was the innocent in the attack (other than the initial comment) because boyfriend told me tonight Nichole did nothing wrong. His Mom just went nuts. And boyfriend's Dad made sure Nichole knew she and the baby would still be included in the family xmas, and if his wife didn't like it she could stay home. lol :slap:
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    What a horrid, ugly mess. Hopefully, that woman will understand she is losing her grandchild because of her ego and find a way to make amends.

    It must have been very difficult for the boyfriend to ultimately stand up to his mother. Heck, I've seen men in their 40s become quivering messes rather than defend their wives to their mothers.

    It's good to hear that Nichole was totally validated by boyfriend's dad and boyfriend. As hard as this whole thing had to have been, she should find some comfort in that support.

    Do give her an extra hug from me. She deserves it for what she's been through.
  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I think you handled that beautifully. I know how hard it is to sit back and not have an opinion when someone is attacking your child like that.
    Maybe this women will learn to respect her and realize she was wrong/or maybe not. Either way Nichole and boyfriend are lucky to be able to go to you and husband.
  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Let's see. The dog or a grand child? Doggie would be in the dog house.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Amen on that one GG.

    You just got a perfect example of why I am the worlds perfect example of the idiotic bobble head doll who smiles and nod's and says nothing ever about Keyana's mom in person. I can moan and gripe on here or to my therapist or even in the car to my husband...but never ever do I say it where she can get wind of it.

    Nope...not gonna happen. I have my eye on whats important to me.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Oh my! So true. I am impressed that boyfriend stood up to his mom, though it does sound like he waited until he heard his dad doing so first, which is okay since he's still so young...but what a great lesson for him! And what a great lessons for all of them!!

    It is awesome that N was able to draw up a healthy boundary for herself and A, wow. That's impressive. I think boyfriend's mom is a hard sell and it may take more than this for her to learn and keep her mouth shut. Her priorities are all wrong and she will lose the only ones close to her until she re-prioritizes!!

    Hugs to N.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I guess I'm out of the loop, Daisy. (That's nothing new!;) ) Were Nichole and boyfriend living at boyfriend's mom's house? If so, it sounds as though they may have worn out their welcome with his mom. It's too bad she couldn't have been more adult about it if they were getting on her nerves.

    Where will they go? That sure sounds like an unsafe place for the baby, and an unhappy place for Nichole. I'm glad that the menfolk finally got enough cajones together to stand up for her.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    No. Nichole and baby live here, boyfriend still lives at home. Nichole is here during the day while boyfriend is sleeping. (he works at night) Then they go over so Aubrey can spend time with Daddy in the evenings. (also because we've smokers here and boyfriend hates smoke)

    Yes, I was major impressed both males actually stood up for her. This is evidently a HUGE deal in that family/home.

    Unfortunately, Nichole is waffling. :frown: The girl just hates conflict. So I get up this morning to Nichole wanting to go over to boyfriend's to talk it out with his Mom and boyfriend trying to explain to Nichole what a horrible idea that is. boyfriend asked me my opinion. I said well, now if she went back over there so soon, odds were she'd blow the whole point she was trying to make by leaving. Then I got me a cup of coffee and headed to the family room. lol

    Travis came and told me they'd left. So I don't know if they went to his house or somewhere else. They were arguing when I went into the family room.

    I wouldn't be surprised if boyfriend Mom is sick of having them there. Nor would I blame her. (awful huh?) I had them here every single day for 2 solid years. Believe me, I know what that's like.

    Honestly, I'm a bit surprised boyfriend hasn't moved out of his parent's house. I would have long before now if it was me. lol

    Nichole just doesn't understand ppl like boyfriend's Mom, she's never been around anyone like that before. I guess she's gonna have to learn the hard way. boyfriend was trying so hard to explain to her that if she backed down today his Mom was only going to treat her way worse than before. And also that his Dad and him would really catch it cuz his Mom would twist it to believe she was in the "right" to begin with. :rolleyes:

    Live and learn.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Ugh! I was hoping that you were going to say that they were avoiding her! It takes someone like his mom a long time to reconsider the advisability of their actions.

    I love my dogs, but if there were a baby in the house, they would be second, for sure!