Nightly Outbursts - A Couple This Week

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by iloveturtles, Dec 3, 2009.

  1. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest

    A couple of times this week difficult child has had anger outbursts. The first night he was upset over the computer locking him out 5 minutes sooner than he thought it should. This ended up with him knocking over several things through out the house. He cleaned them up the next night with a little help from me. More direction than help.

    Tonight, we got home late, and I gave him 1/2 an hour. When the time shut down he lost it. He went to bawling his eyes out. I told him at one point that maybe if he had come downstairs and asked me nicely I might have given him more time. Somehow he thought that meant if he asked nicely then he would get more time. When I told him no that is not what I meant, (I don't think I said it too patiently either). He really lost it. He through pillows from the couch, and then he came at me with a pillow saying I am going to kill you. It really freaked me out.

    I pushed him back telling him that if he didn't stop I was going to call the police. On his way upstairs he pushed into me saying he wanted to go to foster care. Where did he come up with that?

    I am completely confused because he has been doing so much better. He had just sat through my choir practice for 1 1/2 hours with out his DS without a problem.

    I am going to call his docs in the am.

    He finally calmed down and felt embarassed for what he lost it over. His actual words were he felt stupid.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    You know, this is a tough time of the year for most of our kids. Anxiety begins to build....

    I don't like the "I'm going to kill you". That's not something that just any kid stessed out would say. You are right to be calling the doctor in that regard.

    You know, sitting with his DS, engrossed and focused on the game, is totally different than being asked to close down and get off the computer. Even easy child kids whine and get upset when asked to close down and head to bed, etc...

    I wouldn't worry so much about his attitude in general as I would his words and his actions.

    Hope the doctor has some good suggestions.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hmmmmmmmmm. Well, most of the time a mental illness or neurological differnce doesn't go away, but it can take a vacation. I was a difficult child as a kid and would maybe have one rage (bad one) every one or two months. HOWEVER, there were low expectations placed on me because of this, or it may have been every night.

    in my opinion you need to go to a neuropsychologist to find out what is going on. It's unlikely go just go away, however, even if there is no treatment at all, kids with problems can go even several months doing better, but it's only a matter of time before it rears it's ugly head again.

    Aspergers, however, is more predictable, making me wonder if that's the problem. An Aspie will normally act out if you make him transition, but it's pretty consistent. And interventions really help...they can stop this altogether. If it's something else...who knows? With substance abuse in the family, that is a red flag for mood disorders and perhaps impending personality disorders...but it could be anything. (((Hugs))) and good luck. I hope you can figure out what's going on with him.
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'm not sure I understand what you mean by this statement. What would your difficult child have gotten if he had come downstairs and asked nicely?
  5. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest


    I meant that when the parental control first locked him out of the internet if he had come and asked me nicely I might have considered giving him more time.

    I have been told that my insurance doesn't cover a neuropsychologist, and there is no way I can afford it.

    I don't like it either. I mean I hate you is one thing, but I'm going to kill you is completely another.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Was he at the 1.5 hour choir practice earlier on the night of the meltdown? If so, that may have been a huge tax on his coping skills -- unfamiliar place, lots of noise (the singing), lots of people, getting home late = sensory overload. And computer games are another sensory stimulator. Just thinking that the sudden computer shut down was just one more unexpected thing to deal with and that's why he blew. Doesn't justify his behavior -- he clearly needs help with coping skills.

    I find that there are often a series of events, sometimes events that seem inconsequential to us but that have a negative effect on our difficult child's, preceding a meltdown. If he is prone to meltdowns over the computer in the evenings, it might be better to help him find a different activity that's not as stimulating for that time of day. Perhaps you'll have to change the rules and say that computers are off-limits after 4pm on school nights, or whatever you think will help him.

    I guess the real key is in figuring out why he is so sensitive, whether it's a chemical imbalance or a neurological issue, and then creating a treatment plan.

    If you can log these events (even if it's just here and then you print out your posts) and try to notate what happened earlier in his day, you may begin to see a pattern, or his mental health professional may see a pattern.
  7. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest


    Thank you for pointing out about tracking what was going on. I used this to gather the information to speak with his MFT this afternoon with difficult child in the room. He wanted me there.

    It was a very productive meeting. difficult child will no longer have computer time in the evenings at home on school nights. We brainstormed about other things to do with our time. I committed to giving up TV on week nights. We are on a two week trial basis until we see her again on the 18th. I didn't want to overwhelm difficult child that it was FOREVER. Let's just see if this makes a difference.

    He was able to share with us about how it scared him too, and how he felt like there was something inside driving his anger. A very productive afternoon!

    I still need to talk to the Dr. that we see for medication. It is just hard to admit that difficult child said that to me. I know I definitely will NOT tell my parents or even his sisters.

    Thank you for the support
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    That's great that the meeting was so productive! And especially great that difficult child could articulate his feelings -- that's a big deal.

    Also keep in mind that he's likely on the cusp of puberty, which can complicate things further even for neuro-typical kids.

    I hope a strategy and treatment plan are worked out soon for him.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He felt stupid? And scared? That's a huge breakthrough! Way To Go!
    My son yelled that he wanted to kill me, several times, too. We really got on his case and told him that he had to say he was mad at me, and punished him every time he said he wanted to kill me. It's been awhile now, but I think we took items out of his room and sometimes totally stripped down the room.
    I also had him write it down 50X. It allowed him to think about how "stupid" or "thoughtless" he was.
    Do NOT show you are afraid of him. It will only make it worse. You are in charge and you have to show you are in charge.
    In regard to the computer shutting down, I would set an egg timer for 5 min. b4 shutdown time so he has time to transition. Even if I knew my computer was going to shut down, I'd be ticked when it finally happened, and I'm not as volatile as these kids. So I'd help him out a bit. Don't change the rules, just make them easier to comprehend and cope with.