NJ Teen Sues Parents for Financial Support

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I watched the Dave Ramsey video while he doesn't think the parents should have to support her, he is blaming the parents for the fact that she is a difficult child. He also goes off on a rant about his perfect parenting and how he raised three competent adults due to the fact that he was in charge and his children did what they were told. He was lucky he had easy child's. I would love to see him with one of our difficult child's in his life.

I also raised a competent adult along with a difficult child. How would he explain that?
 

SuZir

Well-Known Member
SuZir~ Part of the problem is that she expects the parents to support her lifestyle that includes drinking. It doesn't stop there, though, because the parents could be sued if they are supporting her financially and she hurts someone or damages their property.

First part is almost always true here. Legal drinking age is 18 and quite small percentage of kids that age are absolutists. Second part then again isn't true here. We are only financially responsible for damages our kids cause, if it is considered our fault. So if we don't look after our 4-year-old and they steal our car and cause an accident, yeah, parents are held responsible. If fourteen year old does the same, not, because it is not considered necessary to normally watch 14-year-old every moment.

And also expected support is reasonable. Our over 20 year old university and college students get housing- and living stipends worth around 700-800 dollars a month (and very cheap housing and meals in Uni cafe so they can actually live with that, if they work during summers.) Under 20-year-olds get that or less depending if they live home (much less) and depending parental income (if over certain limit, about half of that.) Parents can be court ordered to pay the difference, if they don't do so voluntarily. And as I said, I certainly don't have an issue with that law. My kids, my responsibility to make good tax payers out of them. Or well, try at least. And if they are at school when they are 18 to 20, chances of that are much higher than if they are not.

Then again, an idea of alimony seems totally strange and backwards to me. Why on earth should someone continue to support an adult (and usually not young adult or in school)individual after they have divorced? Why don't those grown-a**ed individuals work and support themselves like rest of the world? I do know that if someone in our parliament would suggest something so odd, the feminist groups at least would rip them apart. To us it seems so backwards and implies that women are not capable citizens that it really is difficult to understand something like that can still be true to this day in Western world.
 

JKF

Well-Known Member
We've been following this story closely. This family lives in our county - 2 towns over. I feel so bad for the parents. Especially the mother. There were pics of her sitting in court and she had this look of sheer anguish on her face. It's a look and feeling the mother of a difficult child knows all too well.


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svengandhi

Well-Known Member
My first thought was what the heck is this girl still doing in HS at almost 18 1/2 with an October birthday and how could she possibly be an honor student. Then I realized that some states have early cutoffs.

Usually parents have no obligation to pay for college for their children. The only time that is sometimes changed is in the situation with divorced parents where the decree requires that parents pay to have the children achieve the same level of education they have.

Seeing those parents broke my heart. My difficult child, for all his issues, is at a state school. He hasn't asked me for a penny beyond his tuition, books, room and board. My daughter, also a late October baby who was in college when she turned 18,
 

svengandhi

Well-Known Member
Since she is 18 and not living at home, her parents would not be responsible for any damages her actions now could cause unless, for example, she was driving their car.

As for the college funds, I think that might depend on how they are held. If it's a 529, the owners can easily change it to any other child from her. An UGMA might be different.

As I learned from my father, children have no right to a college education paid for by parents. The only exception that I am aware of is if an agreement is incorporated in a divorce decree. Here, however, the parents are not divorced. When I first had children, my belief was that I had no obligation to help my kids pay for college. Nobody helped either or I and we both made it through law school. As my children got older (and we did better financially), I decided that I would help them if I could and if they showed they deserved it.

This girl is a brat and deserves nothing. I watched the news story with my babyboy, who is almost 15, and his comment was to the effect of - what a rotten kid, I'm glad she's not my sister!
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
My difficult child would have done it if she thought it would work. Luckily, at 28, she doesn't have a leg to stand on.
'I think 36 would do it now, if it were legal. Haha. Luckily, at 36, he has his own kid to support.

I always thought Ramsey was a bit of a nutcase so I didn't even listen to him. Now I'm glad I didn't. No need to hear another clueless parent, who has never dealt with our issues, talk about how his kids are the way they are because he was so darn awesome. in my opinion he was just lucky, like most parents who just have PCs.
 
I like Dave Ramsey and overall his response but I totally agree abt critcizing her parents. People who have never walked in our shoes but have the gall to be so self rightous irritate me to no end! I have a easy child and difficult child too. They are 2 yrs apart raised same way same values etc. Do NOT tell me anything abt what I did wrong unless you have been in my place!! First of all you DONT know everything abt parenting and second ever wonder if I dont punish myself enough over the situation!


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Signorina

Guest
Yes, add me to the list of parents infuriated by Dave's self righteous "blame her parents for the way she was raised..."

I too have 2 PCs and 1 difficult child.
PC19 is just 2 years younger than difficult child and is on academic scholarship and finishing his 2nd year of college and on the Dean's List.On track to graduate on time! Never a glimmer of trouble... has the same job at the Piggly Wiggly since he was a HS junior.

PC17 -sweetest child in the whole world. Motivated, hard worker, honor roll kid. He's been staying home a lot of weekend nights and I just found out that it's because so many of his peers (HS juniors) are now partying and he does not want anything to do with drugs or booze.( I know that a big reason is that he doesn't want to get caught and suspended from his sport for a code violation; but hey; that works for me...)

My boys ate the same meals, wore the same clothes, had the same rules and the same two parents for their entire lives...

****KNOCKS ON WOOD LOUDLY****

And the case gets worse and worse, the girl who is suing is DEFINITELY a difficult child who could give all of our own difficult children a run for their money...
 

Hopeless

....Hopeful Now
Yep two children raised the same in the household: 1 difficult child and 1 easy child. Would love him to have lived with my difficult child through the really bad years! Bet he would change his stance ;)


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DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
This is idiotic. If the 18 year old chose to leave her parents home then she can petition the FASFA people to let her apply without parent income being counted. I did years ago when I was living on my own and I was well under 26. At 18 she doesnt even need to get emancipated. However if she thinks she does then she can marry idiot boyfriend or join the military and get college funds that way.

The only state I know of who says parents are responsible for kids over 18 is NY and even there if the child refuses to come home when the rules are reasonable they cant force a parent to continue support.
 

1905

Well-Known Member
It seems like a funny joke. She can get loans, a job, she's making a fool of herself. Why would the judge rule on the funds the parents put aside for college? It's still their money. This is the mentality of our kids here also. husband's step sister who is 52 still thinks like this also. She demands her 80 something year old mother to pay all her bills and buy her stuff every day because........."I'm her child and she needs to take care of me." She's whacked.
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
They said on the news that this girl was the recipient of several offers for full college scholarships, so it's not like she wouldn't be able to go to school, even if her parents refused to help her financially. That makes me question her motives for the lawsuit and the motives of the "friend" who was bankrolling the lawsuit. She just wanted her parents to support her in a lavish lifestyle while she did exactly as she pleased and answered to nobody! That's not how it works, kid!
 
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Signorina

Guest
News is reporting that she is back home and the family is asking for privacy. I hope they can work it out.
 

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Wow, those parents are better people than me. I am not sure I would have let her come back after what she did.
 

ThreeShadows

Quid me anxia?
No kidding, Kathy813! Especially since she implied that her father had behaved inappropriately towards her! I would be afraid of being alone in a room with her.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
In our society, we have to support our children until they are eighteen and most of our kids are well taken care of. The majority of parents are happy to help their over eighteen kids too, even though they don't have to, if they are going to college and making good choices. However, neither we nor our children have government stipends to help us along and sometimes the kids have to do some of the work, like getting part-time jobs. Also, if over eighteen children choose to do drugs, drink, sit on the sofa doing nothing etc. it is up to us if we want to support that lifestyle. The over eighteens know this.

I doubt if this case will change anything (sigh).

Kathy, I can't imagine any of my kids doing this, not even 36. I can't even imagine any of them THINKING of doing it. But if one of them did, I would never let that child come back home. It would take a long time to build trust again too. Maybe the parents just want the story to go away. I can't believe there is peace and harmony at home after what she tried to do.
 
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Signorina

Guest
I just read that the daughter dropped the case completely yesterday. I hope this family can heal and I wish them all the best.

I really think it was a case of a difficult child being emboldened by the egocentric adults around her and bad peer choices. Let's face it, if your teenager's bff shows up on your doorstep -most parents would have given her a safe place to sleep, called the girl's parents surreptitiously to let them know she was safe, and let everything cool down a bit and try to encourage the kid and her parents to start communicating. I can't imagine bankrolling a lawsuit! That friend's father and the lawyer should be ashamed of themselves for using a teenage girl to further their own egos and ambitions. Although he didn't sue us, my own difficult child was emboldened by his girlfriend's parents who gave him a place to live, allowed their daughter to support him and completely ignored my heartfelt plea for them to help our family come together. difficult child was only 19 and they had been our friends and lived down the street. I still have to resist the urge to run them over when I see them walking past our house.

One of the father's conditions for her moving back home was individual and family counseling. I hope they follow thru and it all works out. And I hope she grows out of being a difficult child and has a new appreciation for her parents and siblings and the charmed life she apparently led.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Lastly, I'm going to address the issue of alimony here in the US.

Most women don't get it, but if they put their careers on hold to raise their kids they sure as hello do deserve alimony. Many put their husands through college and then said husband leaves for younger model and wants to leave woman broke.

Sorry, but in Europe the government is much more willing to hand out money to the citizens than here. I'm not judging whether that is good or bad, but it is what it is. And not all women are equally educated or ready to work full time and make a good enough living just because Husband Jerko runs off. We tend to handle things privately and even a liberal thinker like me, prefers the government STAY OUT OF OUR LIVES as much as we can manage to do things privately. Now if divorced women gets money for being a single parent, like I know they do in some European countries, of course an ex husband shouldn't have to pay alimony. Makes no sense.

We here in the US are big believers in doing the best we can ourselves. We don't want the government making decisions for us that are none of their business. So there are differences here. Trust me, there are things we see in other countries we think are crazy too. Like it puzzles me that the government can pass a law insisting that you include even horrible children in one's will...I think that should be up to the person writing the will. It's merely cultural differences. Every place is different, which causes us to have to do things differently.
 
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Signorina

Guest
As far as alimony, it's very unusual for an ex spouse to be awarded alimony for an extended period of time. I don't have a problem with alimony for a defined period of time. You have to remember that the US does not provide extended maternity leave, generous vacation time, family leave or sabbaticals. Many women leave the workforce for a period of time or downscale their careers entirely in order to raise children. This is especially true of spouses married to those who have careers that are very demanding or require extended schooling and are therefore who unable to split parenting duties evenly. Furthermore, many married couples take on their partner's student loans once they are married. Finally, it's been my experience that usually one career takes precedence over the other while raising children. It's different if you both have 9-5 jobs, but I don't know a lot of people who work just 40 hours a week especially in the formative years of their careers.

I am going to generalize and say that it's usually the woman who scales back and trades career advancement for more workplace flexibility to accommodate her family or gives up her job entirely. I know many women don't have that chance and I was a working mom who went back to work when my first 2 babies were just 6 weeks old. I did eventually cry UNCLE and go part time so that I could be at home more. Between the $435 per week daycare fees for 2 kids (in 1994) plus the fact that one or the other was always sick (and never at the same time) and that my husbands job was inflexible and he worked 70 miles away- something had to give and it was my career/ambition by mutual decision. Additionally, my husband brought student loans into our marriage and I did not. He also had a very successful small business that I helped out with and I took on additional parenting duties so that he could spend more time getting it off the ground. I did this all willingly and happily for "us" and it was a mutual decision.

If our marriage had ended, I absolutely would have pursued spousal support in addition to child support until I could regain the career and earning potential that I gave up by our mutual decisions regarding our family.

Unfortunately,I know quite a few women who put their husbands thru law or medical school, delayed childbearing until their h's had full time careers and then became SAHMS to accommodate the 60+ hour work week & time demands that come with new law/medical & financial careers. Of course, quite a few of these men traded in their wives for newer models or mid life crisis once their careers were established. In situations when one spouse's earnings and earning potential were created or fueled by the other spouse's sacrifice of the same, spousal support makes sense. Again, for a defined period of time; not for a lifetime. (Unless they are near retirement age) I know many women who were granted spousal support in addition to child support, but the longest was for 5 years. Most also received child support through the children's college years not just thru age 18.
 
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BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Thanks, Sig. You explained it better.

It is not really possible to talk about alimony without knowing what you have pointed out. I think some look at their own country and apply what makes sense to people who live in their own countries as making equal sense for Americans. It's like comparing apples and oranges. Of course, the US is always under fire from people elsewhere, but we are used to that.

I believe most European countries give stipends to single parents, pay for daycare, of course they pay for healthcare so that is not an issue, and their kids, come college age, also get money in some places. It is different when you are doing it yourself.As far as I know, it is usually granted to stay-at-home moms or those who make very little. I didn't get it when I divorced, and I was married seventeen years. I had a job at the time, but much less $$$ than ex. Still, I did have a job. It's not like everyone is supported in royal fashion by ex husbands nor should they be.

I agree that alimony is usually and should be limited to give the woman a chance to get back on her feet, not for lifetime support. And it's not. And you have to have been married long term to even qualify for it.
 
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