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No changes, which is surprisingly hard all on its own!
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 648410" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>I think that we have to ask ourselves what we mean by this "get better" goal that we have for our sons. What do we mean by this? That they'll get a job? Live in a house? Wear clean clothes? Join the rat race? Get married, have 2.4 children? Pay into a pension fund? I think that part of the radical acceptance is that we no longer think in terms of them "getting better". </p><p></p><p>My son, and maybe yours, doesn't think of his life choices as a negative failure or waste. He sees his life as an escape<em>. </em>My son thinks his life is far superior to mine or any of the other <em>sad </em>people living in consumerist hell.</p><p></p><p>I don't think my son will "change". He is who he is. His views may become more extreme, but I don't think he'll be a traitor to his core values. His core values are very different from mine, but radical acceptance means that I accept that his values are as valid as mine.</p><p></p><p>That doesn't mean that I don't cry for the state he is in, that I don't wish I could have a calm conversation with him, that I don't wish that his life was less physically tough than it is, that I don't wish I could hug him without the smell lingering on my clothes.</p><p></p><p>But I do have doubts that my life, at its very roots, is better than his. I do have doubts about the pointlessness of working to maintain a 'civilised' lifestyle. If he had access to a computer and an electricity supply maybe he would be talking on a forum like this one, about how his mother is a lost cause and how she has sold out and doesn't want to leave it all and go and live in a forest and how he finds it hard to accept that and hopes that I'll 'get it' one day.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>How do you think he is doing Echo? Do you think he's happy? I asked my son this last time we spoke "Are you ok? Are you happy?" </p><p></p><p>"Yeah" he said "I'm doing OK... Happy? I'm working on happy, same as a large portion of humanity and far better than most."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well mine's the same, as far as I know. Crazy beard. Lots of new tattoos. Filthy. But less happy than if he was living a 9-to-5 life? No. I definitely know that he is <em>not </em>less happy than if he had "got better", if 'getting better' means conforming to a life that he's incapable of valuing, understanding or struggling through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 648410, member: 17650"] I think that we have to ask ourselves what we mean by this "get better" goal that we have for our sons. What do we mean by this? That they'll get a job? Live in a house? Wear clean clothes? Join the rat race? Get married, have 2.4 children? Pay into a pension fund? I think that part of the radical acceptance is that we no longer think in terms of them "getting better". My son, and maybe yours, doesn't think of his life choices as a negative failure or waste. He sees his life as an escape[I]. [/I]My son thinks his life is far superior to mine or any of the other [I]sad [/I]people living in consumerist hell. I don't think my son will "change". He is who he is. His views may become more extreme, but I don't think he'll be a traitor to his core values. His core values are very different from mine, but radical acceptance means that I accept that his values are as valid as mine. That doesn't mean that I don't cry for the state he is in, that I don't wish I could have a calm conversation with him, that I don't wish that his life was less physically tough than it is, that I don't wish I could hug him without the smell lingering on my clothes. But I do have doubts that my life, at its very roots, is better than his. I do have doubts about the pointlessness of working to maintain a 'civilised' lifestyle. If he had access to a computer and an electricity supply maybe he would be talking on a forum like this one, about how his mother is a lost cause and how she has sold out and doesn't want to leave it all and go and live in a forest and how he finds it hard to accept that and hopes that I'll 'get it' one day. How do you think he is doing Echo? Do you think he's happy? I asked my son this last time we spoke "Are you ok? Are you happy?" "Yeah" he said "I'm doing OK... Happy? I'm working on happy, same as a large portion of humanity and far better than most." Well mine's the same, as far as I know. Crazy beard. Lots of new tattoos. Filthy. But less happy than if he was living a 9-to-5 life? No. I definitely know that he is [I]not [/I]less happy than if he had "got better", if 'getting better' means conforming to a life that he's incapable of valuing, understanding or struggling through. [/QUOTE]
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