I have a 12 year old daughter (just turned 12). She is an only child...and over the past 2 years things have gotten progressively worse in more than one area. She is very smart...in gifted programs, can carry on a conversation with an adult all day. She is an only child....very selfish, egotistical and non-accepting of others opionions/ideas.
The hugest problem at present is her and my relationship. I have always considered her to be somewhat "difficult". I had been blaming a lot of this on the fact that I did not follow through with discipline while she was growing up....but I now feel there is more to it. She is very oppositional with me. I walk on eggshells wondering if she is going to be nice and in a good mood, or more often....disrespectful and moody. The other thing that has made this difficult is trying to decide how much of this is tween, hormonal stuff. It just can't be all that?
She is often (at least a few times a day) disrespectful and rude to me. She does the eyeball rolling and basic disreguard for my authority. If we are having a disagreement or I have said something and she doesn't like it...she will push and push and push until every ounce of patience I have is long gone. If I ask her to stop talking about it...she won't...if I TELL her to stop, she doesn't....if I try to walk away. she follows me. If I try to ignore her, she gets mad and yells at me "MOM,. DON'T IGNORE ME, MOM...MOM MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" If I tell her to go to her room (to calm down, get in a better mood, let me calm down...) she refuses.
I have suffered from depression and anxiety adn some anger issues for years. I have been on anti-depressants, various ones...for a longgg time. For this reason I assume she is more apt to have these traits as well.
She also has anxieties that keep her from sleeping at times....also causing her to have almost what I consider panic attack.....such as getting her ears pierced. She wanted desperately to do it for about the past 6 months....but was terrified. I did not push the issue. She would look at earrings in the store....do the " i want to do it, i can't do it, why can't i do it?" self talk over and over. we would leave the store and as soon as we get in the car she starts "mom, we need to go back, i have to do it, i want to now, please!!! we have to go back now!!!!" at times negative self talk such as not being able to get to sleep and saying "i am so stupid, why can't i sleep? i was almost asleep and i blew it, i am so dumb..." and getting into such a frenzy I am not sure where my child went (seems in a different state of mind almost)
I know this is disjointed and may not make sense. I am very upset and at the end of what I can deal with. I love my child but I do not like her very much at times.
She has no friends....because she is bossy and refuses to listen to others ideas and suggestions. It's her way or nothing (She would tell you she does not do this....but she even does it to therapists who give her suggestions to try with friends and she won't try them saying it won't work or she has tried that.
One thing that baffles me is her obvious disrespect for adults...mostly me, but at times others. She told the therapist last week that if she doesn't think what I am asking her to do is fair, she isn't going to do it...such as going to her room when I ask her to. I ask that so she can calm down/change her mood...or so I can calm down. She says no...and just will not go. I can not drag a 12 year old up the stairs and it will turn into such a huge emotional screaming crying thing with her I just can't do it.
She has no diagnosis but I am asking for a referral to a psychiatrist to see if any medication could help her (and me). She does argue with her teachers at times as well.
I am divorced but my ex and I get along very well and he is very supportive of me. However...most of these oppositional behaviors are saved for me. She may be mad at what he asks,,,,,but she does it. She does have trouble sleeping at his house which we think is due to stress/anxiety and it all surfaces when she lays down and allows her brain to think about it. The result of this night time anxiety is that sometimes she is awake for HOURS at night....sometimes runs back and forth to the bathroom saying she is going to throw up.
There is no doubt in my mind that she loves me and I love her.....but we have a very volatile relationship. I am trying to find ways to afford putting her in camp most of the summer because she and I just do not do well if we spend too much time together.
Help?
kkit
Maine
The hugest problem at present is her and my relationship. I have always considered her to be somewhat "difficult". I had been blaming a lot of this on the fact that I did not follow through with discipline while she was growing up....but I now feel there is more to it. She is very oppositional with me. I walk on eggshells wondering if she is going to be nice and in a good mood, or more often....disrespectful and moody. The other thing that has made this difficult is trying to decide how much of this is tween, hormonal stuff. It just can't be all that?
She is often (at least a few times a day) disrespectful and rude to me. She does the eyeball rolling and basic disreguard for my authority. If we are having a disagreement or I have said something and she doesn't like it...she will push and push and push until every ounce of patience I have is long gone. If I ask her to stop talking about it...she won't...if I TELL her to stop, she doesn't....if I try to walk away. she follows me. If I try to ignore her, she gets mad and yells at me "MOM,. DON'T IGNORE ME, MOM...MOM MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" If I tell her to go to her room (to calm down, get in a better mood, let me calm down...) she refuses.
I have suffered from depression and anxiety adn some anger issues for years. I have been on anti-depressants, various ones...for a longgg time. For this reason I assume she is more apt to have these traits as well.
She also has anxieties that keep her from sleeping at times....also causing her to have almost what I consider panic attack.....such as getting her ears pierced. She wanted desperately to do it for about the past 6 months....but was terrified. I did not push the issue. She would look at earrings in the store....do the " i want to do it, i can't do it, why can't i do it?" self talk over and over. we would leave the store and as soon as we get in the car she starts "mom, we need to go back, i have to do it, i want to now, please!!! we have to go back now!!!!" at times negative self talk such as not being able to get to sleep and saying "i am so stupid, why can't i sleep? i was almost asleep and i blew it, i am so dumb..." and getting into such a frenzy I am not sure where my child went (seems in a different state of mind almost)
I know this is disjointed and may not make sense. I am very upset and at the end of what I can deal with. I love my child but I do not like her very much at times.
She has no friends....because she is bossy and refuses to listen to others ideas and suggestions. It's her way or nothing (She would tell you she does not do this....but she even does it to therapists who give her suggestions to try with friends and she won't try them saying it won't work or she has tried that.
One thing that baffles me is her obvious disrespect for adults...mostly me, but at times others. She told the therapist last week that if she doesn't think what I am asking her to do is fair, she isn't going to do it...such as going to her room when I ask her to. I ask that so she can calm down/change her mood...or so I can calm down. She says no...and just will not go. I can not drag a 12 year old up the stairs and it will turn into such a huge emotional screaming crying thing with her I just can't do it.
She has no diagnosis but I am asking for a referral to a psychiatrist to see if any medication could help her (and me). She does argue with her teachers at times as well.
I am divorced but my ex and I get along very well and he is very supportive of me. However...most of these oppositional behaviors are saved for me. She may be mad at what he asks,,,,,but she does it. She does have trouble sleeping at his house which we think is due to stress/anxiety and it all surfaces when she lays down and allows her brain to think about it. The result of this night time anxiety is that sometimes she is awake for HOURS at night....sometimes runs back and forth to the bathroom saying she is going to throw up.
There is no doubt in my mind that she loves me and I love her.....but we have a very volatile relationship. I am trying to find ways to afford putting her in camp most of the summer because she and I just do not do well if we spend too much time together.
Help?
kkit
Maine
There are a few notable differences: At 10, my difficult child does have friends and she's generally respectful to other adults.
