difficult child was released from the psychiatric hospital yesterday after three weeks there. I was really hoping while he was there he would be able to find some help with shelter placement/housing. But nope - he's back on the streets. I had gotten him phone numbers for a local program that helps homeless youth up to age 21. I even spoke to the very nice, very kind social worker there who runs the program. She said difficult child has to do the work because he's 20 but if he does want help they absolutely will help him. The only issue was that he needed to contact them as soon as he was released from the hospital and that the shelter he would be going to is about 2 hours south of here. Well he doesn't want that. He wants to stay in this area. He doesn't want to go that far south. He'd rather live in his tent in the woods. So there it is. At that point I told him I'm done. I was very calm yet defeated. I wasn't angry. I said I love you but I can't do this anymore. You can't contact me again until you make arrangements to get yourself off of the streets. And then I hung up. Yes, I felt utter defeat yet at the same time a bit of freedom because this is HIS CHOICE! There are options for him to get off of the streets and HE doesn't want to take them. This was last week. I haven't talked to him since. The only reason I know he's out of the hospital is because my easy child saw him posting on Facebook. And of course he's posting things like he's homeless, can't survive winter, and wants to die. Yet he doesn't want to take any actions to help himself. It hurts my heart to have no contact with my son but I self destruct every single time I try to help him and he throws it all away. I self destruct every time I hear his voice. I self destruct at the very thought of him. And at this point, I can't keep self destructing because eventually there will be nothing left of me. I'm sad. I'm panicking a bit. I'm angry. But also, I'm able to accept that fact that this is his life and his choice. I have to let go. Maybe someday he'll find his way and we can have a relationship. Maybe not. And so I repeat: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.