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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 641942" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi TearyEyed, gee, I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. I so know how you feel right now. And, as Lucy so wisely said, it is no use to say "don't worry," since of course we are going to worry. </p><p></p><p>I have to agree with Lucy too that they usually have no idea about time and we are the ones obsessing while they are just in their lives. I can't tell you how many times my daughter was lost in space for weeks and I couldn't reach her, imagining all the worst case scenarios, planning her funeral, imagining the cops showing up at my door...........sheesh..........a nightmare of incessant worry. And then she would surface and say she was here and there, all the time she was fine, she in fact was thriving, while I was a mess. Over time I got better at the uncertainty of it all. In fact, I made it a goal to learn how to live in that kind of uncertainty and be okay. I still have moments of that stuff, but for the most part I'm a lot better.</p><p></p><p>I started to think that she may do this forever, go no contact for weeks or months.........I realized I just couldn't have my life be ripped around like that. I read a lot of books by Pema Chodron who is a Buddhist nun who has written a lot of books about uncertainty and how to live well in the midst of it. I started putting a lot of time in to ME and how I could maneuver through this crazy landscape and not go crazy and learn how to live in the chaos that our difficult child's create for us. </p><p></p><p>It's tough TE, it really is. It hurts our hearts. And generally they really don't have any kind of clue as to how much we are impacted. I'm reading and watching Eckhart Tolle videos and I find his philosophy to be really helpful for the kind of worry we all go through here. It's helped me to realize that since I hadn't heard anything monstrous, I was scaring myself with my own thoughts......so I've been focusing on not allowing my thoughts to run rampant like that. </p><p></p><p>It's a practice TE, I've been practicing how to live like this because my difficult child is so unpredictable and isn't always making good choices keeping her safe...........since I have no control over her actions, all I could do was change how I respond to her. Man, it ain't easy either. BUT, it is doable. </p><p></p><p>Meditation helps too. All the tools we learn on this adventure we're on.........yoga, exercise, whatever it takes for your thoughts to stop the grip they have on your mind. </p><p></p><p>Take a hot bath and allow all the concern and worry to go down the drain. Try to let it go for tonight and tomorrow when your mind is clear, you may come up with the right way to go.............that works well for me, let it go and then often when my mind is emptied, an idea comes forth.........which doesn't happen when I am in fear.........</p><p></p><p>I hope you can relax a bit........sending a big hug..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 641942, member: 13542"] Hi TearyEyed, gee, I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. I so know how you feel right now. And, as Lucy so wisely said, it is no use to say "don't worry," since of course we are going to worry. I have to agree with Lucy too that they usually have no idea about time and we are the ones obsessing while they are just in their lives. I can't tell you how many times my daughter was lost in space for weeks and I couldn't reach her, imagining all the worst case scenarios, planning her funeral, imagining the cops showing up at my door...........sheesh..........a nightmare of incessant worry. And then she would surface and say she was here and there, all the time she was fine, she in fact was thriving, while I was a mess. Over time I got better at the uncertainty of it all. In fact, I made it a goal to learn how to live in that kind of uncertainty and be okay. I still have moments of that stuff, but for the most part I'm a lot better. I started to think that she may do this forever, go no contact for weeks or months.........I realized I just couldn't have my life be ripped around like that. I read a lot of books by Pema Chodron who is a Buddhist nun who has written a lot of books about uncertainty and how to live well in the midst of it. I started putting a lot of time in to ME and how I could maneuver through this crazy landscape and not go crazy and learn how to live in the chaos that our difficult child's create for us. It's tough TE, it really is. It hurts our hearts. And generally they really don't have any kind of clue as to how much we are impacted. I'm reading and watching Eckhart Tolle videos and I find his philosophy to be really helpful for the kind of worry we all go through here. It's helped me to realize that since I hadn't heard anything monstrous, I was scaring myself with my own thoughts......so I've been focusing on not allowing my thoughts to run rampant like that. It's a practice TE, I've been practicing how to live like this because my difficult child is so unpredictable and isn't always making good choices keeping her safe...........since I have no control over her actions, all I could do was change how I respond to her. Man, it ain't easy either. BUT, it is doable. Meditation helps too. All the tools we learn on this adventure we're on.........yoga, exercise, whatever it takes for your thoughts to stop the grip they have on your mind. Take a hot bath and allow all the concern and worry to go down the drain. Try to let it go for tonight and tomorrow when your mind is clear, you may come up with the right way to go.............that works well for me, let it go and then often when my mind is emptied, an idea comes forth.........which doesn't happen when I am in fear......... I hope you can relax a bit........sending a big hug.............. [/QUOTE]
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