No driver test

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by enzo, May 11, 2013.

  1. enzo

    enzo Member

    So, we warned him clearly..."if we catch that you smoked weed, we'll cancel your driving test next week". Of course we caught him today..getting ready for the fireworks when we tell him. Almost wish we could tranquilize him first. We;ll try some dbt, not hopeful. It gets very ugly for the whole family when he starts with the screaming and threats, and attempts at physical intimidation (he's a big aggressive guy).

    He fights us on EVERYTHING (curfews, chores, school work) and we're better off than a year ago but we have to hold the line on this. Yikes!!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes, there are some items that have to be non-negotiable, and this would be on our list too...
    For the sake of the innocent people out there.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I understand. Sure wish I hadn't been there done that but it comes with the territory. Clearly I remember hoping and praying that I would not "see" any evidence that made it necessary to enforce the rules. Fortunately we did not have to deal with any violence but knowing that the whole home environment was going to be ramped up...caused that dread in the pit of my stomach. I'll send supportive thoughts your way. DDD
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree it was always on my non negotiable list too. We took difficult child's car from her after ony driving for 6 months because we found alcohol in it. She didn't drive for 3 years. She teels me now that if I hadn't done that she would have had her license suspended.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I really think we do everyone a favor when our substance-abusing kids don't get driver's licenses. You KNOW they are going to drive while high or drunk, and they could seriously hurt themselves or others on the road. My daughter was in three accidents. One was her car and that was the end of her driving our vehicles. But two of her less mentally able friends let her drive and she crashed those cars up too. These were both after her license was suspended.

    I think you are doing the right thing.
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Mine got hers at 18 when there was nothing I could do about it....
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    You're doing the right thing. How did he take the news that you were not allowing him to take the test?
  8. enzo

    enzo Member

    discussion went as expected. alot of yelling, screaming, he punched a wall, broke a kitchen faucet off, but eventualy calmed down and accepted..we also cancelled the driver test for his twin easy child brother (who just isnt ready) was ugly, but didnt last forever, and we didnt have to call the cops. so...a C- overall, but not an "F" as we didnt give in, nobody was injured, and we didnt have to call the cops! Hooray. thx all for support, very helpful.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    And only among Warrior Parents would that ever be a cause for celebration... ;)
  10. Karenvm

    Karenvm Member

    Same thing in my house... We told our difficult child that we needed to see at least three months of NO pot smoking or drinking before he could schedule his road test. Well, he is turning 18 in a month, and has not had a straight 3 months of non-using in the past two years.
    It is sad to me, as he is probably the only one in his group of "friends" that can't drive. And, it makes life harder for husband and I. But, him getting his license, and driving under our insurance, with his history of smoking, drinking, and non- treated bipolar make it a recipe for disaster in my opinion.
    Tough still, there are times that I feel so bad for him, and wonder if I am being "mean" by controlling this. ( then I usually snap out of it, but its hard!).
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child didn't get her license until she was 17 and even at that she lost her driving privileges six months later because of smoking pot.
  12. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    I am more of a fan of get the driver's license and then start granting and removing driving privlidges as needed. We have had a crazy up and down year with difficult child - but he has been doing better than he has been doing in the past 2.5 years in this past 2 months and the driving privlidges have been key. We have taken his car away, so he has to share with me and ask permission every time (also key), but the ability to drive allows him to look for a job and have some independance as he meets our expectations, which he has been doing. It's the biggest carrot as this age and I think if we didn't have it, it might be hard for him to motivate as his situation might have been too hopeless. Our family counselor also suported this position. He felt it was important for him to know how to drive and have a license at 17 years old, but the driving would only be allowed by meeting expectations. So far, so good. Just another perspective.