No first pass home for Thanksgiving

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by horserider, Nov 25, 2009.

  1. horserider

    horserider New Member

    Our difficult child has not been home since Aug 1, he is in a therapy program in the jjc. During a family session last week we were all pretty excited as we thought our difficult child "earned" his first pass home Thanksgiving day. The therapist even told us the time to pick him up, rules, etc. Then difficult child went to the team meeting the next day and they said he would not be pass eligable until the week after Thanksgiving! I was pretty upset, worried about a set back, but difficult child handled the news better then I did.

    I informed his casemanager it was not fair to our family and difficult child to set us up for this kind of disappointment. No visitation on Thanksgiving day either. I truly do not feel like doing the family thing this year. It is so difficult when the court system controls your childs life.
    I will probably feel better after next week

    Hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving :thanksgiving2::thanksgivingday:
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry horserider. This happened to us one year when our son was in a wilderness camp. I cant remember what holiday it was, but the group our son was in was due to have that weekend off to come home but suddenly some of the boys acted out and the whole group lost their passes home. Dont know if mine was one of the ones who acted out but wouldnt be

    I lost many holidays during his teen years because he was in placement. It bites.
  3. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    I'm so sorry, too. Sending you warm hugs for tomorrow. Are plans set for difficult child's pass for next week?
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The lack of control does impact the whole family. been there done that! Hated it.
    I understand. Just remember that hopefully the future will cause the bad memories to fade and new wonderful memories to replace them. Hugs.DDD
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I'm so sorry for your hurt. In the last years I have managed to have Dude one Thanksgiving holiday (last year). The others were spent in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), so I really do know how bad this stings. May I be so bold as to suggest something that may help you? Cancel Thanksgiving traditionally. Just a day. When your son can be part of YOUR families celebration? THEN have YOUR FAMILY Thanksgiving. We did this a couple times, and it actually helps a Mom's heart more than you think. I got a lot of support from the board when I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed for days straight being so sad missing my son. Instead the next year? I volunteered at a homeless shelter, and it was really uplifting, then we did OUR family dinner when Dude could come home.

    It wasnt' the ideal holiday - but it was better than being in "Tiny Tim" days.

    Just a thought - My other thought - was to drive to where he his - and ask if he can't come home - could you take dinner to HIM?

    Court systems just hoovers.

    Hugs - HUGE, I SO FEEL Your Pain HUGS.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry they set you both up for disappointment- just remember it could be worse. My son is in Department of Juvenile Justice- I won't see him for any of the holidays. We get one period of visitation weekly and they set the day/time. That's it- no food or gift or anything else can be taken in. I can mail him a card.
  7. horserider

    horserider New Member

    Thank you all for your support, it helped me more then you know. I read your replies Thanksgiving morning and it gave me strength to go to a family gathering which I was going to skip.

    Star, I told difficult child we will have a special dinner next weekend as you suggested, his first pass home in 4 months, if all goes well this week.

    klmno, I explained to my son how lucky he is to even have the opportunity to earn passes home. I told difficult child I talk to other parents, my "internet support group" (no more info given then that) and expressed the situation with your son. So you not only helped me, you helped him come to some realizations.

    He earned "resident of the week", I was so surprised and pleased. The closer he gets to that pass eligibility the more he tries to be successful.:woohoo:

    My heart goes out to the other parents when they leave visitation at the same time. I told another mom that was in tears, "just know you are not alone" and we talked for awhile. I hesitated to approach her, but I've learned from this group that sometimes you just need to talk to someone who truly understands what your going through. It was my way of paying it forward.
    Have a good weekend, enjoy your shopping if your adventurous! :shopping: