No funny cards for Dad any more

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Aug 12, 2008.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    My dad has Alzheimer's. He's had a very mild case, diagnosis'd about 13 yrs ago at the Mayo Clinic, and the doctors were amazed that he was doing as well as he was. He is on Aracept and Mementine, which help immensely.

    I've been writing him nearly every day.
    He typically gets his mail from a long row of mailboxes in the hall of his retirement home, and takes it to their restaurant with-his newspaper, and eats lunch while he reads.

    I found a funny, oversized card with-a chimpanze on the cover, with-it's palm to its head, saying, "Know what day it is?"
    On the inside, it says, "Me neither."

    I had everyone sign it, and at the last min. I chickened out and called my little sister to ask her opinion. Despite the retirement home, she is his main caregiver. (You have to pay extra for showers, medications, etc. Sigh.)
    She's very funny, by the way.

    She said, "Boy, that's a tough one. I think it's funny, but he doesn't get his mail any more. I go with-him to get it, and then we open it upstairs in his apt. because he can't remember how to open the envelopes any more."

  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    That's very difficult. It sounds like your sister deserves a card and flowers or a gift certificate. She's doing a wonderful thing.

    Seriously? You have to pay extra for showers and medications? That's a shame.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, seriously. And that's in a "progressive" state--MN.
    I have a cousin in NYC who had to pay extra to have her bedpan changed in St. Luke's Roosevelt!!!!!

    Yes, my sister deserves kudos. And a lot of sleep. I fly up a cpl X a yr but it's barely a break for her. She thinks it's funny/ironic that I think it's easier to stay with-Dad than with-my difficult child. Hey, I can deal with-the repetiton. It's the arguing I can't handle. And luckily, my Dad isn't at that point. Yet.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    BUT did he LIKE THE CHIMP card?????

  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I never mailed it. I chickened out because my sister said he wouldn't "get it."
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sorry that you can't share those things with him anymore.

  7. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Aww....your thoughts were genuine at the time, thinking he may "get it". But, maybe you should go ahead & send it picked it out for a reason, he might actually find something in it that makes him smile.....because it's from YOU ;)
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I'll still send him things. Just not that one. Sigh.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I wouldn't tell you to do one thing or another because you know your Daddy, but - my Grandmother had very advanced stages of Alzheimers. It was so hard on my Mom to go day after day, and dote, and sit and see her Mom like that only to not be recognized.

    I had gotten married and moved away. I came home for Christmas which was also my Grandmother's birthday. I went to the nursing home completely prepared and armed with a thick skin knowing in advance my own Grandma may not even know who I am. I had some things for her I wanted her to see that I was pregnant with her Great Grandchild and I wanted her to see the place I moved to.

    We walked in and my once robust, athletic Gma was laying there in bed, frail, with a feeding tube and a baby doll. I think I would have clogged the room with the lump in my throat and tried to back out unnoticed, but she recognized me!!! She knew my name, she knew I was married, she could SEE I was pregnant - or a little fatter. And we talked, I got her to drink her ensure, we chatted like I had never left. It was the last time I'd talk to her. But it was wonderful. I miss her still - 19 years - she was the first love I ever lost.

    So don't worry about that chimp card - maybe the day he gets it he WILL "get it". And it will give him a laugh. If nothing else - it will give your sister a laugh. Or maybe a nurse that has to work there all the time a chuckle. Sometimes we don't know who it is our humor touches - And sometimes my humor is touched.

    So sorry you have to even deal with this.
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    I totally agree with Star on this! You can only control the spirit in which the card is given and trust that it will be received in like kind.