If I may (as a former domestic violence victim) make a suggestion to you?
Since domestic violence is often so missunderstood - when people think of it their minds first flash to a man pummeling a woman without mercy. While this is true; there are many other forms of domestic violence, and in your relationship with your son? It's happening. Just because he moved out doesn't mean that things will stop for you. Just because you hang up the phone when he calls doesn't me it stops for you. See these are a lot of the things that people scoff at, or it makes them angry when others say it, recognize it and well - if I can't talk to you about what I see happening, I'm not much of a friend and may as well just post poo poo, patt patt messages from now on.
There is a reason why GOOD women pick BAD men. I had no clue. I just know that every time I picked a guy? He was a Looser. Then I married one, and had a child. What I didn't know is I picked the king of the Underworld for my x. The man is evil, and few hold a match to his bonfire of torturous and injust behaviors to myself and my son. I say MY son because had he been a man and taken care or cared for our son? I'd share the title gladly- but he was abusive to him as well. So he earns nothing in my eyes. He taught my son to hate me, to be mean and ugly to me, to try to be evil, and abusive to women - and at the tender age of 3,4, and five years old. Filthy words that make men ill to hear. The behaviors? Mock your sons behaviors...The passive aggressiveness, the demanding, the oh woe is me....I'm starving, in a park - Mine? Literally was living in apark and eating out of dumpsters. I can't say I allowed that to happen but when I would get calls like YOU are? I did more than click the phone.......I unplugged it. I changed my email. I made myself unavailable, and I stayed in therapy. The things that helped me were the counseling I had from the Domestic Violence shelter and the therapist telling me - "If that wasn't your son.....and askign me YOU are waiting for HIM to hit rock bottom? When are YOU going to hit rock bottom and walk away from this insanity and allow him to grow up?"
Things like that? Statements like that don't make it easier - hell nothing makes it easier to turn your back on your kid - but on a person who is treating you like THEY are treating us? I don't HAVE to WAIT around and be there with open arms for "whenever" he decides to kiss my or apologize......OMG that could and did take years and years. My ex put me in the hospital so many times I can't count and I can't count the number of times I needed to go and wasn't allowed - and he beat my son, and tortured me -and he messed my kids mind up SO BADLY - I spent 15 years in therapy 2x a week.....and he's been sober in prison for a year - and do you think there is ANY apology from him? FOr ANYTHING - no....there never will be - not to me - not to my son. He doesn't think there is anything to apologize about. He's right. I wouldn't want one now - if he did have one. It's been too long. It was 16 years too long for my son - but he still went looking for one and instead got pummelled not once - but twice by Daddy Disney - you know the guy that wants to be the HERO - and give him things that bad old Mom didn't.
My best advice to you ------get into therapy and find out WHY your brain says "I need to keep a door open for ANYONE that treats me LESS than < I deserve because I AM WORTHY, I AM SPECIAL, I AM UNIQUE, WONDERFUL, AMAZING, SMART, TALENTED, I HAVE A LOT TO OFFER THIS WORLD, and dangit......I am beautiful.....clever, sassy, helpful, and a great MOTHER.......but by ZEUS I will NOT wait around for your mealy mouthed insulting degrading, pathetic, moronic, talk out of both sides of your undeserving kiester until you figure it's okay to stomp on me some more because I WILL NOT TAKE IT - not from ANYONE, NOT FROM MY X, NOT FROM THE GUY AT THE GROCERY, NOT FROM THE WOMAN IN THE STORE, NOT FROM THE HAIR DRESSER< AND CERTAINLY NOT FROM MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD - AMEN.
doesn't mean you have to go off half cocked - but it does mean you HAVE A RIGHT to stand up for yourself and NOT take **** from people while they wipe their feet on your doormat of a psyche anymore!
The only way you can stop that - is to find out WHY you A.L.L.O.W. it to happen in the F.I.R.S.T. place - and apparently you D.O. N.O.T. know ------or YOU wouldn't be taking the poop you are about cables - You'd be looking at dresses in Macy's and Dillards - and going - OH voice mail again - dang it - sorry I missed your call angry boy--------OOOPS I deleted it....but dang you know my address - maybe youll write me a NICE letter? Goes to mail box......Nasty note - RETURN TO SENDER with red marks on nasty words.......that says - NOT ACCEPTABLE LANGUAGE for your MOTHER. TRY AGAIN.
Until then?
He can ------hang out with HIS Daddy Disney -
and rot together -
Doesn't mean you don't love him - on the contrary - YOU have loved him.......he's the one with issues. Now you're showing him HOW he WILL treat at least ONE lady -