no good deed goes unpunished

[Signorina]

{{{hugs}}}

 

[Elsieshaye]

Especially since he is a little on the young side, I would work with his father if appropriate to see if he can get treatment for his substance abuse and other possible mental health issues for the time being.

Nomad, I'm sorry, I missed this sentence the first time I read your comment. His father is, at best, useless in this matter and at worst is actively pushing difficult child to act out. The ex also mistrusts mental health providers. All the bullying and hostile behaviors difficult child is displaying towards me, he learned from his father. I actually cut his father off and told him not to contact me again or I would press charges for harassment. (The final straw was when he threatened to call the cops and have them do a wellness check because I wouldn't answer his calls or emails once DS turned 18.) If I were to contact him, the response would be that difficult child is merely responding to my unfairness and "sickness" at having thrown out my own flesh and blood, etc. I'm working somewhat with-difficult child's aunt (ex's sister) since difficult child calls her. The ex is worse than no help at all, however.

 

[Nomad]

I'm so sorry.
Makes good sense to work through the sister if she has a good head on her shoulders and the ear of your difficult child.
Sending good thoughts/wishes for strength and wisdom through this very difficult situation.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Ya know, there's one positive about them getting more verbally abusive. It confirms for us that we made the right decision.

I think you are doing great.

 

[AnnieO]

If you get an Android phone, some of them have something called Visual Voicemail... You can see who it's from and delete it. Never knowing what it said. bwahahahaha!

And good for you. It's so not your problem.

 

[Elsieshaye]

Hahahaha, omg you guys - here's what was in my inbox this morning (gotta re-jigger the mail filter to make sure his stuff becomes invisible again):

"Mom i need the following information to port my number to a new provider; Name of the Account holder, the Address on the Account, the Account Number, the Account Pin, and the last four digits of the account holder's SSN ( the last if you are the Account Holder.). I'm opening a plan with another carrier and I need this information to keep the same number.
Thank you"

Darn - I've been demoted back down to "Mom" again. And here I was, all ready to go get "****** C-Word" tattooed somewhere. Bummer. (Seriously, what planet is that kid on?!)

 

[Elsieshaye]

Thank you, Nomad, Crazy and Step.

 

[CrazyinVA]

I wouldn't give him any of that. He can deal with getting a new phone number.

by the way, if you ever feel the need to let him have a way to contact you (or your ex-sister in law)? Google voice is a good option. They allow you to have a phone number that will forward to your regular phone, and you can screen and block calls and texts easily. It's free, and whoever you give the Google Voice number to, won't ever know your real phone number.

 

[AnnieO]

REALLY?

He expects you to provide all that stuff???

No wonder he called you "Mom". Sheesh.

 

[Elsieshaye]

Thanks, Crazy and Step. The way I see it, if I have to go through the inconvenience and expense of changing my phone number to avoid being harassed and drunk-dialed by my own child, then he can too. I am not even responding to the email, never mind providing that info. For the next little while, as far as he is concerned, I have moved off-planet, lol. (Thank you for the Google voice suggestion - will look into that!)

 

[DammitJanet]

My son Billy uses google voice. All his voice mail goes through it. Annoys me to NO end when I have to leave a message for him but thats okay. All his regular people know his real phone number but people he doesnt want to have his number he gives his google number. I cant manage that because I cant remember ONE more number...lol.

 

[Star*]

Yup.......and there would be worse to come if you'd let it. Bravo on cancelling the phone. What his aunt does? Up to her. Period. Also - I would not erase that voice mail. Record it and store it.

Sounds like you have a good handle on his abusive behavior. Too bad he doesn't. Eventually? His biodad is going to get really tired of his tirades too - he can ONLY hear about YOU for so long and then THEY are going to start arguing amongst themselves if not already. Then son could wander back to where he knows is familiar. (possibly) and bother what he feels is the more sympathetic parent. So stand strong. We're here for you.


Hugs -

 

[Elsieshaye]

Thanks, All. New phone activated. Apparently, difficult child closed out the joint account he and I had (which is good, because I was going to close it out myself). I'm getting written confirmation from the bank. That's pretty much the last "string" other than the health insurance. Star, I know you're right about his possibly coming back here once he and his father fall out again (not "if" but "when"). That idea really bothers me, honestly, but I'm not prepared to move out of my apartment and completely disrupt my life. I know I'm going to have to deal with it once it happens, and my concern is not so much that I will cave and let him back in, but that I will be so resentful that I have to deal with this BS at all that I will say something that I regret. I used to be the more sympathetic parent, and now, unfortunately, my wall has been triggered and I am the angry, unbending harda$$.

Yesterday, I was cleaning some of my walls with a magic eraser while my relatively new boyfriend painted the dining room wall that difficult child marked up. One of the things I cleaned off was the hight marks showing how much difficult child grew in the 3 years we'd been living in the apartment. boyfriend was kind of shocked that I was able to erase them and not get upset about it. I hope difficult child and I can have a relationship again when he is back in his right mind, but at this point I am not sentimental about him. I want to find my life again, and have been systematically clearing all traces of difficult child out of my home. I feel like I should be sadder, or clinging more, but I really am just so tired of all of it that I want to spend some time in a difficult child-free environment. Does that make any sense? Am I a complete jerk for wanting that and feeling this way?

 

[DammitJanet]

Not a jerk at all. Heck, I cant write here what I said to my son when he was at his worst. Look where we are today! Now granted I dont think Cory and I are the normal or average difficult child relationship because he is simply not normal in anyway.