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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 681421" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Ok, there's two sides to this "deliberately" thing.</p><p>In one sense, there is some conscious choice involved. Some of it is avoidant - like "forgetting" that he is getting picked up for his appointment with the counselor. That's almost passive-aggressive. And yes, It's frustrating.</p><p> </p><p>The towels. That one, I live with and totally get. They are not HIS towels. So why should he wash them. If he had a choice, he wouldn't even be having a bath or shower and wouldn't need them. So he gives you a choice. If you want him clean, YOU have to do the towels. A bit passive-aggressive. Maybe.</p><p> </p><p>But the other side of this. I'm still pretty sure that on some level there is disordered attachment. There pretty much HAS to be, given all that went on in his life before you came on the scene. And you didn't get there until he was five - and attachment problems generally come from the first three years of life. If this is a factor, then none of the traditional approaches really work - and what he needed 10 years ago, nobody would have thought about. I see him as having major trust issues. That includes issues with you knowing what goes on in counseling. <em>But he has issues trusting the counselor as well</em>. Basically, he really doesn't trust anybody. Not even himself.</p><p> </p><p>Counselors who have even a hint of an idea about disordered attachment are rare. I seem to remember that Bunny had problems finding professionals with half a clue - her son has some level of attachment issues, and she's had him since the age of 2 or so.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 681421, member: 11791"] Ok, there's two sides to this "deliberately" thing. In one sense, there is some conscious choice involved. Some of it is avoidant - like "forgetting" that he is getting picked up for his appointment with the counselor. That's almost passive-aggressive. And yes, It's frustrating. The towels. That one, I live with and totally get. They are not HIS towels. So why should he wash them. If he had a choice, he wouldn't even be having a bath or shower and wouldn't need them. So he gives you a choice. If you want him clean, YOU have to do the towels. A bit passive-aggressive. Maybe. But the other side of this. I'm still pretty sure that on some level there is disordered attachment. There pretty much HAS to be, given all that went on in his life before you came on the scene. And you didn't get there until he was five - and attachment problems generally come from the first three years of life. If this is a factor, then none of the traditional approaches really work - and what he needed 10 years ago, nobody would have thought about. I see him as having major trust issues. That includes issues with you knowing what goes on in counseling. [I]But he has issues trusting the counselor as well[/I]. Basically, he really doesn't trust anybody. Not even himself. Counselors who have even a hint of an idea about disordered attachment are rare. I seem to remember that Bunny had problems finding professionals with half a clue - her son has some level of attachment issues, and she's had him since the age of 2 or so. [/QUOTE]
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