No more front seat

[Wiped Out]

riding for difficult child for a while. It all started with me forgetting to get difficult child a snack for after school. I always have one but didn't and told him he would have to wait until we got home.

He said he wanted Wendy's instead and I said I didn't have any cash with me but that I would stop somewhere I could write a check and get him a small snack.

He became enraged; started swearing and threatening me. He told me he would punch me. Next thing I know he was trying to pull the keys out of the ignition!!!! The car started driving weird for a bit and the air bag light started flashing. I was not a happy camper.

He unbuckled himself and I told him to buckle back up or I would drive to the nearest police station and he could explain why he wasn't wearing the seatbelt. He asked, "You would turn in your own son?" Yes I would (of course, I didn't tell him that I had no idea where the police station was.) He did buckle up.

On the ride he seemed to be calming down. When we were getting closer to home he asked about where the light had come on and I showed him. Then he tried to pull them out again Said he wanted to see the light lit up! I was none too happy.

He will not be riding in the front seat for quite a while. I hate when he does dangereous things when one of is driving. Several times it has lead to hospitalization.

Grrrr!

 

[Jena]

Sharon i'm sorry. You are sooo calm, your amazing. I would of seriously flipped out!!!

yea, back seats sounding good!! glad your both ok

 

[gcvmom]

Back seat... and harnessed in! Wow, I'm so glad you didn't get hurt. He could have really caused a big problem for both of you.

 

[horserider]

I also use to have a snack ready for my difficult child on the way home from school. To bad he did not appreciate it, as much as expected it. Even when I confined him to the backseat because of serious episodes, he then would throw things at me if he did not get his way. It came to the point where I would not drive alone with him anymore. When he had his permit, he drove recklessly with me in the car, no more permit or driving.

We go through so much with our troubled children. My heart goes out to you. I know how scary it can be. I'm glad you are okay.

 

[Sheila]

He doesn't get that this could have caused an accident.

Scary.

I agree. Backseat only.

 

[klmno]

Yep- I agree and you definitely handled it well. I'd be tempted to stop the snacks for a while, too, to make sure he understood not to take everything for granted to that point. But that's just me.

 

[change]

Sharon,

Sounds awful!! I'm dealing with crazy stuff too right now but it's more underhanded. Still...I've been there and my heart goes out to you. Hang in there...

Change

 

[tictoc]

Hi,
I'm glad both of you are okay. My difficult child is 7 and is years away from being able to ride in the front seat, fortunately. I dread the day.

 

[timer lady]

Very scary, Sharon. I have yet to allow wm in the front seat. He's always going after one knob or another - hitting me in the arm when I drive, etc. His workers will not allow him in the front seat either.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble off - I'd keep difficult child in the back seat when you are driving - especially alone. His treatment toward you is too iffy to have him up there.

Let him be a back seat driver.

 

[Wiped Out]

Thank you everyone. difficult child will definitely be in the back seat for awhile when driving with me; what happened was way too scary for me. It's still bothering me two days later (of course, difficult child is way over it-good thing he is at respite this weekend).

 

[emotionallybankrupt]

Wow, it's very scary. Over and over, difficult child and I would--after the fact--talk over incidents, especially the range of possibilities that COULD have happened due to bad choices. "I never thought of that," or "I didn't know that," or "That isn't what I was trying to do"... would be the responses.

I'd say, "I know; that's why God gave you a mother. You aren't supposed to know all that yet. You don't have the life experience to think of that...." Of course, none of those conversations did any good in my case. So often the SAME poor choice would be repeated over and over.

difficult child gave me the scariest car situation ever, back in the summer. I still don't know how we got home safely and am so very thankful. She wasn't getting her way about something and was threatening to jump out of the vehicle if I didn't give in. She was in the back. I have a van, and she was up and walking toward the door. I was on a busy highway, in the middle lane, and going about 60. Could have been tragic. I know now that a van has locking mechanisms to prevent a child being able to open a back door, but I didn't have time to figure them out in that moment, and I'd not faced that situation before. I also know now that I could not have activated those mechanisms while driving the vehicle anyway. In her case, though, it would have been easy to simply climb on through to the front passenger seat, and I don't know of any child safety mechanism for that door.

Once I got her home I told that that until she was able to explain to my satisfaction why she did that and why I should trust that it would never happen again, I would not take her anywhere outside the immediate small-town area unless she was cuffed. I had already checked with an officer about getting a pair.

In the immediate area of my home, I don't know of anywhere I could be where I couldn't pull to the side of the road quickly. I know I'm fortunate to have a situation like that, though, and not everybody does. Obviously, it doesn't work to say you'll never take them ANYWHERE, because of needs like school, doctor, etc.

However, I never drove into the city with her again, because she was never able to explain what she did or what I shouldn't expect the same behavior again if she didn't get her way. She was in disbelief that I continued to refuse, but yet she still couldn't explain herself so that I could feel like we would be safe. Honestly, she didn't even try. Like so many difficult child behaviors, it didn't match up, and I don't know why I continue to be surprised by that, but I am.

I'm STILL not over what happened that day, and neither are the other three people who were in the van at the time. Of course, that was all part of difficult child's plan to get her way.

 

[graceupongrace]

Sharon,

Sorry you had to go through this. You're definitely doing the right thing, but I would just encourage you to be cautious whenever he's in the car. The point isn't just where he's sitting; it's that he's causing problems while you're driving, and he can do that from the back seat as well. We had a few very scary incidents several years ago with difficult child when he was in the back seat.

Glad you're getting a bit of a break!

Hugs.

 

[ML]

You hanlded it well and I agree, backseat riding for the forseeable future. Gentle hugs.