No more Money to loan

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by V. Rita Ellis, Apr 24, 2012.

  1. V. Rita Ellis

    V. Rita Ellis New Member

    Hi, I'm new to this forum and am so glad I found it. I'm about at my wit's end with my two older children 27 and 21 trying to borrow money from me when I'm a single mom,struggling with two younger kids to get by on a fixed disability income,have a disabled son still at home and practically live hand to mouth. The worst part is both these kids have jobs and their own places and make more than me!

    I told them I DO NOT have the money to loan them anymore.

    My 21 yr old daughter has also physically hit me,stole from me and I had to have the police remove her over a year ago from my home because of her violence.

    I told them both the and "using" is over. It's time to respect Mama and if they can't give me respect and courtesy and stop"using' call their daddy,friends,other relatives,anyone I don't
    care who it is.

    They are adults with jobs. Mama has done Her job. My younger two sons have lots more easier to raise,are respectful to me,easy going and my 16 yr old son is even looking for a job! Than you for letting me vent! I hope to interact with all of you soon, Thanks Rita
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome! The two most powerful letters in the English language are N and O. Put them together you get NO. That's all you need when dealing with your two oldest. No explanation, no excuse, jut NO.

    Again welcome. Sorry you had to find us but glad you did.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there, and welcome to the board (sorry you had to come).

    I agree with you! Kids who are adults shouldn't get money from Dad and Mom anymore. I would lpractice "no" in the mirror and use it often :) Even if they are nice to you, giving out too much money is not helping them grow up. 27 should be completely on her own and 21 needs to change her attitude. There is no reason for you to hand out money to either one of them. I sure wouldn't.

    Maybe you should ask THEM for a loan if they make more than you.
  4. V. Rita Ellis

    V. Rita Ellis New Member

    Hi There ! Thanks for responding and the advice is well received and appreciated. I'm very glad I found this forum.

    Good to know there's other parents out there with similar circumstances.

    on a lighter note~

    The whimsical thought comes ~If Life were a disco I am dancing as fast as I can and I have not tripped yet and the music keeps on playing !

    Forrest Gump called Life a Box of Chocolates.

    Maybe I'll call Life a jar of jalapeno peppers. What goes down the hatch O so yummy don't always exit O so yummy!

  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hello Rita and welcome. Yep, cut the older ones off and if they hit you again report the abuse. Vent away about your difficult children, this is the place to do that -RM
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Rita! Sorry you are going through this with your daughters. I agree with the others, time to close the Mom bank and call the cops if there is violence with your 21 year old. You've come to the right place, we understand......
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    They are ASKING for money?????

    I mean - I know parents skimping by, who try and slide a bit of extra to their grown kids. But... it's THEIR choice, their timing, their idea. One HINT of a hint of asking... no money comes for a long time.

    My parents? well... they were known to bail us out with what they "had on hand".. but NEVER money. Short on groceries? there'd be crackers and PB in the cupboard we could take, maybe even some leftovers. Out of gas? Here's a jerry can full. No money for laundromat? Come borrow the machine. (we always treated their stuff well) And so on. But NO CASH. Looking back, they didn't have to. But I totally support the NO CASH decision.

    You are NOT a bank. Not even a bank of last resort.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the board but sorry you had to find us. I so agree with what you are doing considering the way your adult kids are treating you. I have to admit there have been times that I have slipped my grown kids a bit of money at times but only when I was fully able and they never threatened me. That would be a definite NO. When I was your kids ages my dad never gave me money, he would buy my boys some clothes from time to time and one time he bought me some maternity clothes. I was extremely appreciative.

    I think that is the difference. If kids are truly appreciative of what a parent gives, then it isnt an issue. Its when they are threatening and expecting it that we get upset.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Baby if your life is like a jar of Jalapeno's? Then you needs to pass the pickle juice to Mr. and Mrs. UNGREATFUL then tell them to make like the wind and blow.

    Partially of course you know that some of this lending and borrowing is your fault. HOWEVER - HOWEVER -when WELLS FARGO shuts it doors? It doesn't open them back up in the middle of the night for WHINEY, BROKE :censored2: borrowing TWENTY SOMETHING EMPLOYED people who just dont' manage their money correctly - IT JUST SAYS NSF and HAVE A NICE DAY - then gives them a balance slip marked ZERO OR NADA. Nope I think in Spanish the receipt says ZERO..

    You've done very good to tell these people in your life - the Gravy Train is done givin rides. They should be ashamed, but you know what? If they had any shame they woudn't be coming around to a Momma on a fixed income with two little ones and one that's disabled to boot - thinking OH Moms gets some money from SSI for the disabled brother.....and we need...IT'S SHAMEFUL. If they got jealousy issues/ tell them to go to counseling. Jealous of a disabled child? Again - SHAME ON THEm and again - they have no shame.

    Really - you've done your best you raised them - and now it's over. TELL THEM to start brining YOU money - I BET THAT KEEPS THEM AT ARMS LENGTH. Start calling them and asking THEM to just drop a twenty by. That should keep them away. HA.

    Hugs and welcome. And if either gets violent - call 911 - IMMEDIATELY.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Star is so TOTALLY right. TOTALLY. IF they are abusive on the phone, hang up. Better yet, get a whistle and blow it into the phone, loudly, and then hang up. don't answer them again that night. They won't wnat that whistle n the ear more than a couple of times. If they are on your property, call 911 and PRESS CHARGES. Don't you drop charges because it would give them a record. That record is not your problem. That record is what they EARN being abusive to their momma and her property. If they get between you and the phone and you cannot call 911? it is a FELONY and it is NOT one that gets dropped easily by the courts. Cops HATE people who do that. If they stay very long and won't let you leave or call 911, that is also a big ole felony.

    You MUST stand up for yourself here. Your younger children deserve this and the older ones? need to learn that they cannot do this. NOW. So keep your phone n your pocket and figure out which speed dial number is 911. I know it used to be 1 on the speed dial on all phones, but I think that isn't the case now. If you can put it as a number on your phone, then you just push that number and it calls with-o you having to push a lot of buttons - which can be a lifesaver iwth a violent person in your home or near you.

    Stop tolerating the abuse and start showing all your kids how to stand up for yourself.