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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 43280" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>Pamela, </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry!!! Unfortunately, difficult child 1 actually enjoys conflict, and especially when he isn't stable, will do whatever he can to cause chaos in our house. I'm always difficult child 1's "punching bag." I know how hard this is!!!</p><p></p><p>After years of absolute H-LL, things have gotten better. We still have problems with difficult child 1's behavior, but not as severe. For us, once difficult child 1 was put on trileptal, it was a small miracle!!! Also, husband and I spoke to his therapist and learned that nothing would ever change until difficult child 1 realized that husband WOULD NOT TOLERATE his disgusting behavior toward me ever again. We also learned to pick and choose our battles carefully. Now things are still far from perfect. Sometimes we slip back into our old ways of handling things. Luckily for us, we are able to reverse our methods quickly and get back on course.</p><p></p><p>Although life is still a daily struggle with difficult child 1, things are better. We have to live life by a daily schedule. Expectations for difficult child 1 are clear and consistent. difficult child 1 loses "reward time" if he isn't courteous. We keep a daily chart on the refrigerator. He loses 15 minutes of "Reward Time" each time he isn't courteous. I've learned to let lots of little things go. difficult child 1 lives for his computer. This is the only thing that seems to matter to him. We use this to our advantage. difficult child 1 hates to lose even 15 minutes of his daily "Reward Time" (use of computer). </p><p></p><p>I manage to deflate my anger toward difficult child 1 by taking as much "ME" time as I can. Take care of yourself the best you can. I make sure I exercise daily because this is my #1 way of getting rid of my anger and resentment on a daily basis.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if I've just been rambling here... I hope something I said helps you or just lets you know I understand. I know how hard this truly is!!! Sending cyber hugs, WFEN</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 43280, member: 3388"] Pamela, I'm so sorry!!! Unfortunately, difficult child 1 actually enjoys conflict, and especially when he isn't stable, will do whatever he can to cause chaos in our house. I'm always difficult child 1's "punching bag." I know how hard this is!!! After years of absolute H-LL, things have gotten better. We still have problems with difficult child 1's behavior, but not as severe. For us, once difficult child 1 was put on trileptal, it was a small miracle!!! Also, husband and I spoke to his therapist and learned that nothing would ever change until difficult child 1 realized that husband WOULD NOT TOLERATE his disgusting behavior toward me ever again. We also learned to pick and choose our battles carefully. Now things are still far from perfect. Sometimes we slip back into our old ways of handling things. Luckily for us, we are able to reverse our methods quickly and get back on course. Although life is still a daily struggle with difficult child 1, things are better. We have to live life by a daily schedule. Expectations for difficult child 1 are clear and consistent. difficult child 1 loses "reward time" if he isn't courteous. We keep a daily chart on the refrigerator. He loses 15 minutes of "Reward Time" each time he isn't courteous. I've learned to let lots of little things go. difficult child 1 lives for his computer. This is the only thing that seems to matter to him. We use this to our advantage. difficult child 1 hates to lose even 15 minutes of his daily "Reward Time" (use of computer). I manage to deflate my anger toward difficult child 1 by taking as much "ME" time as I can. Take care of yourself the best you can. I make sure I exercise daily because this is my #1 way of getting rid of my anger and resentment on a daily basis. I don't know if I've just been rambling here... I hope something I said helps you or just lets you know I understand. I know how hard this truly is!!! Sending cyber hugs, WFEN [/QUOTE]
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