Not a banner evening

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Feb 10, 2011.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    at the Wiped Out house tonight. easy child/difficult child who almost seemed to be coming out of her funk is back in it big time.

    Last weekend her and husband went to Michigan to see Gone With the Wind on the big screen. We were all going to go but I suggested to her that maybe it would be some good time for her and Dad. She loved the idea and last week we actually saw a couple of smiles over things. She even hugged me and jumped for joy when I found my Kindle (long story).

    When she left last week she gave me a hug and her and husband had a decent weekend. He said she didn't talk much but did talk some. Then on Sunday when she got home she was still in a decent mood.

    Her return to her funk started on Monday.

    We asked her a couple of nights ago to do dishes. She didn't then a day later did a few of them. We are trying to stand firm but I don't think she is ever going to do them.

    She is isolating herself again and SCREAMING about everything! Yesterday she got home and started screaming that difficult child had left the lights and tv on (true but she does stuff like this all the time). Then she started screaming how he left a mess (yet her cereal bowl from the morning was still on the table). Next she was screaming about the fact that difficult child ate her can of spaghetti and meatballs (husband had bought two cans-one for each and had told difficult child he could have it).

    Tonight she came home and we opened her progress report (she is on academic probation). Two of the classes had no grades and said to contact the teachers. I asked her what she thought they had to say. She screamed that it said to contact them and she didn't know. When I tried to tell her I thought she might know she went off screaming about how much she truly hates me. (like I said not a banner night-difficult child called me a pu*** tonight because I made him take his medications).

    I don't know if she is taking her medications although I'm leaving them out each morning. The nighttime one (the Remeron) we were giving her and she was willingly taking it but since she returned from Michigan she has kept it in her room. I think we will be taking it back out.

    Seriously when she gets like this I get so concerned. Last night at my NAMI class I'm taking she sounded so much like the other difficult children that parents were talking about. It made me think that she truly is a difficult child. I just really don't know how to help her when she is like this which is a big portion of the time.

    I do know I'm so very weary of all the screaming she does. At the time I am so worried for her.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry you are going through this WO. Does she need to be re-evaluated? Do her medications need adjusting? Could there be something going on at school that is causing the turnaround? I am at a loss but do want to send some (((((HUGS))))) your way.
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    What an ugly evening.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    you know where easy child and i are right now. it all sounds too similar the yelling screaming freaking out over every little thing, school troubles, etc. i know it's alot to handle. i'm just sending you hugs.

    get some rest the next day is always better somehow after sleep.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I am so sorry. Hugs,
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Her behaviors ARE very difficult child-ish, and I wonder about a medication tweak at this point since she's obviously not doing too well. Perhaps the Wellbutrin needs an adjustment? She sounds like she's depressed.
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    first of all, hugs.

    You know, at any given time all of our children can vacillate between being gfgish and pcish. Your daughter is experiencing a myriad of hormonal issue, she's in a "special school", she's feeling isolated socially, she's been subject to years of her younger brother's antics, she's at the age where she wants to be independent, and she's depressed. She is a difficult child right now. But it doesn't matter what label she's given. What is important is that you and husband continue to do what you are doing and also manager, somehow, to get those medications in her YOURSELF.

    Take the remeron to the kitchen and have her come to you (or husband) for dispense before bedtime. If you or husband have to go in her room in the morning before you leave, sit on the side of her bed with a glass of water, gently wake her enough that she can swallow her medications, and then leave (keep talking at a minimum). The fact that she is responsible for herself in the morning, and I know you guys have no other choice, has proven a little "iffy" with her history of arriving to school late, and now potentially not taking the medications.

    I think you need to take control of the medications. Surely she is old enough for you to begin to have her be an active partner in her health. But Sharon, she is a difficult child right now in need of some extras. I think one of those extras needs to be assuring those medications get in there.

    Deep breath, it's Friday - the weekend always makes you happy!

  8. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I agree with LDM. You've tried to make her responsible for taking her own medications but right now she just can't handle it. Hopefully, if you and husband get her to take them consistently, her mood will improve and then maybe she'll be able to be responsible for them again.

    Hope today is a much better one for you and the start of a good weekend... Hugs... SFR
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TeDo-Thank you for the hugs. We are working with the psychiatrist, however, we really need to get her taking her medications regularly to know if a tweak is needed.

    Timer-Ugly is a good way of putting it.

    Jena-Thanks for the hugs.

    ML-Thank you!

    Gvcmom-Yep she definitely seems very depressed right now.

    Sharon-I agree; we need to be giving them. I've talked to husband and hope he is going to help with the morning ones because I know she will be a little less upset if it's him instead of me.

    SFR-Thanks-we're going to try giving them to her-hoping it helps.

    I emailed her two teachers today that didn't have marks on her progress report. Only one returned the email and he is very nice. I met him at conference time. He is so nice he offered to pick easy child/difficult child up every morning (he thought she lived closer to him). She has missed 5 classes of his and I think can only miss 6 and still pass. She is on academic probation and if she fails she won't be able to stay at this school.

    He also emailed me a second time saying that he is no doctor but thinks maybe she is depressed. I emailed him back what was going on (shortened version) and said we would be happy to have a conference with him.

    Came home tonight and she had most of the dishes done and is talking a little and seems in a good mood. Problem is we never know when she is going to explode or completely isolate herself. She has been just cruel to difficult child and it's driving both husband and me up a wall. Hard to believe she can be so mean. However, I'm surprised that anything surprises me anymore.

    I'm very glad she has a psychiatrist appointment on Wed.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hey WO -

    I've said this once - and I'll say it again - I'm SO glad I had BOYS. I'm a girl.....I get girls......I would NOT WANT. GIRLS. Much tougher to understand. Very (um.....ahh....moody) .....yes.....moody. hehe. Ahem.

    There was that little irritating thing written on our therapists wall that said or someone did it in needlepoint for him - Anger is depression turned inside out. Could be a smidge of truth in there. I figured when I was angry? I was just plain angry. When I was angry at her age? I just blew up. Not so in control - either. (sad to say) And at some point in my life I remember being in one of Dude's Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and seeing a sign that said "It's okay to be angry." next line - How you handle that anger means even more or says a lot about your character or something like that but the "It's okay to be angry." or Give yourself permission to BE angry." it was like - REALLY? Huh -

    I don't ever remember anyone telling me - "You know Star, it's OKAY if you want to be P.O'd to the max about that." To me growing up it was always like - "Don't be angry.....oh Don't get mad.......or Stop that gritting your teeth. I mean - You'd think somewhere in there - SOMEONE would have said 'GO AHEAD and be FREAKIN mad. So at that point I sat with Dude and did the same thing - and It was like a light went off in HIS head too. Not kidding one bit. I mean he even turned to me and said "WHAT?" I said "Well go ahead and be angry.....and when you're done being angry about it.....come talk to me, just don't tear anything up....or if you to - here....(hands a stack of computer paper) shred the mess out of this over and over.....and then come see me and when you are ready we'll talk. And with that - he would rip the paper - throw it all over the place - and then walk past me and say "I AM NOT DONE BEING ANGRY YET - I NEED TO GO FOR A WALK." I would ignore him and casually say "OH OKAY - I'll be here when you get back...." and off he'd go - then he'd come back - and when he'd come back? I wouldn't hover.....I'd wait - until HE came to me, then we'd sit down, talk - I'd have a casual attitude about it - and that was the beginning of helping him cope.

    He needed coping skills for his anger NOT "WHAT"S WRONG NOW?" he needed OUTLETS.......He needed to know it was OKAY - to scream or hit or kick and do yoga or walk or have anger exercises - they are awesome by the way - they take all your energy and I challenge anyone to try to even move after you do it. Hard, very hard. Strains you completely.....

    So maybe you can find an anger management therapist or ask your psychiatrist for some anger management exercises - Sounds lame - WORKS wonders.

    Especially the one where she gets so angry - then sits in the chair......hands under her legs and tenses up to the point of nearly passing out and tries to lift herself out of the chair as hard as she can......OMG - yeah that do that for about 1 minute - and I promise you - you can't hardly walk. And you almost forget you are that angry.

  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Star-Thanks for the great ideas. We have always told her that it is o.k. to be angry but I love your approach with Dude and will try it with easy child/difficult child!