Not a good night

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jul 12, 2007.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Not a good night for difficult child. He came home from camp in a bad mood. Said he had received a 20 minute time out (his first one in 1 1/2 weeks at camp)today but that it was none of my business why. I didn't push him because of the mood he was in. He was swearing at us so we tried to calm things down with a movie. After the movie he appeared calmer so we asked if he wanted to play a game of Horse (a basketball game). For no reason he started getting angry. He squeezed my neck really hard at one point. husband and I told him we were done because of the way he was playing.

    He then was calling husband a really bad name so I told him he needed to go to his room for a time out. He refused so I told him if he didn't go to time out he would lose snacks at the movie on Saturday. He proceeded to pour a glass of milk over me, the blanket, and the chair which, of course, went on to the carpet. He said it was my fault because I was trying to take away his snack on Saturday. I told him the snack was gone for Saturday. So he went crazy and started coming at me. He had his shoes on and I am embarrassed to admit I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom (he is getting really strong and I just didn't want to end up hurt. husband had to come up and he started swearing at husband. To get him away from the door husband had to lock him in his room.

    Again we thought he had calmed down. He apologized to husband. When husband asked him to also apologize to me he refused, stomped off, dumped the contents of my purse (just now as I am typing this).

    Hopefully he will fall asleep soon as he has already had his night medications.

    I'm sorry this is so long. Thanks for letting me vent-I'm just so tired of the violence (even though it is less than it used to be).
  2. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Jeepers, <<<HUGS>>> he really is trying to push your buttons, I would've lost it at the glass of milk!

    Praying the sandman will come soon for you.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I am so sorry he is struggling and that you are having to bear the brunt of his anger. Why do they always seem to focus in on the mom?

    I think I would have hid in the bathroom too! My difficult child 2 has scared me nearly to that point a few times. :faint:

    Praying that you all have a better day tomorrow...
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh boy...........I am SO sorry! :thumbsdown:

    Judging from my life and this message board, you are not alone. It seems a lot of our difficult children are going off the deep end lately.

    Take care of yourself. The milk thing would have sent me over the edge too. I have had water dumped on me, but milk.........owwwww!

    Hang in there..........sending hugs your way.
  5. WNC Gal

    WNC Gal New Member

    You may want to invest in a "Little Green Clean Machine". Our difficult child doesn't have food tossing or dumping issues, but her sometimes clumsy younger sibs have had catastrophic spills of spaghetti sauce, yogurt and also MILK! That thing is a miracle!

    Plus the kids actually find it fun to use it - so I definitely make them clean up the spillage.
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Must be something in the air tonight. We didn't have a good night either and it was worse than it's been in a long time.

    Sending hugs and a big beverage of choice. Hope things calm down for you.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    No, definately not a good night.

    I probably would've lost it at the milk part. It wouldn't have been none too pretty either.

    Hopefully his night medications kick in soon!

  8. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    Vent away--I'm sorry you had such a terrible night !! :smile:
    Sending hugs--
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Ugh! That is not a good night. Hopefully he is asleep now and tomorrow will be a better day.

  10. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh Sharon,

    I'm just so sorry. I totally understand that the level of violence seems less to you (it's all relative) but this is really over the top, Sharon. How classic is that thinking? Your fault for taking away a treat because of a choice *he* made - argh!. It's impossible to process at all when they're in that mindset.

    I wish from the bottom of my heart I had a suggestion, but I don't. I understand the need to avoid his aggression - good heavens, don't be embarrassed. I think all of us with violent kids have had to duck a time or twenty.

    All I can do is empathize and send many gentle hugs. Fingers majorly crossed that difficult child wakes up in a better mood.
  11. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Typical difficult child to place the blame in the parent's lap because of their own actions. Sounds like B, he'd do the same :rolleyes: It's not MY fault, it's YOUR fault for giving me a consequence. Sheesh.

    I'm sorry difficult child is giving you such a hard time again. I don't blame you for locking yourself in the bathroom, he sounds dangerous.

    Hope tonight is better, Sharon. Sending gentle hugs and positive thoughts.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone! As always I truly appreciate your support. The weird thing about last night is we can usually find a trigger for many of his actions-last night nothing made sense unless it had something to do with whatever happened at camp we couldn't figure out what triggered him.

    His day hasn't started off well. He came into our room at 5:30 and was trying to bite me through the blanked! Not sure what that was all about-when I was responding (he couldn't bite through the thick comforter) he started throwing water bottle tops at me! Geesh! Good thing there is day camp!
  13. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Sorry I missed this - I'm hoping difficult child has a better day today. Have you called psychiatrist about this rise in physical aggression? Even though it hasn't happened "much" it should be zero tolerance.

    Keeping you & yours in my thoughts for a good day today.
  14. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Oh Sharon! I've hidden behind a locked door myself. :frown: I'm so sorry.

    Gesh...were the planets in some weird alignment or something yesterday?

    I hope today is MUCH better for all of you.
  15. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>Wiped out, I agree with slsh. This isn't "less violent" it is over the top and you are used to being victimized. I apologize ahead of time as I know what I am saying is blunt. You and husband are so used to being treated with aggressive behavior that you think this is what you have to do. This is not a life and he is not acting better.
    I can't imagine being demoralized and humiliated by anyone on a continuous basis as your difficult child does to you and think anything good will come of this situation. Not for you, for easy child or husband. The ship will end up sinking with difficult child if you continue to live in this sort of pressure cooker.
    He put his hands on your neck, bit you through blankets and poured milk over your head!!!!!! This is abuse and assault. If he were a student charges would be made or other environment choices made. Why do you think that your family deserves less? Do you think that 18yrs of this abuse will result in a healthy difficult child or a healthy family? No way. It costs everyone to the point of ruin.
    Any of us who have had difficult child's that were in such a disruptive state know the toll it takes. We have all done different things to alleviate the collateral damage to our other children or our marriages but it's there but no way should things go on as they have.
    We can not save difficult children. We can help them learn better ways but their ability to process that info varies and not all difficult children can make that leap.
    You have my sympathies and my sad heart for what your family endures and accepts as just difficult child having a bad day. </span>
  16. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    It was meltdown central here too! 3 different ones in about as many hours! Luckily, I knew what had gone on at school, so I was ready for it!

    So sorry you had it going on as well,

    Thoughts and prayers coming your way!

  17. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Ya know, been there and doing that. difficult child has pretty much stopped putting his hands on me, BUT the verbal abuse is severe. Luckily we have no more children at home, so he directs 90% of it to me...the other 10% my dogs get. However, he used to throw things at me and shove me and kick like nobody's business, so I know of what you're speaking.

    Fran, I hear you loud and clear and I know WipedOut does, too. You help all of us so much on this board. It's just scary and SO hard to think of doing anything drastic with your children and I haven't done it yet, either. And yes, we get used to our difficult child treating us the way he does...not that it's normal (we know better), but when it happens day after day, well, you get what I mean. My four grandchildren are "normal" and I can see the total difference in their attitudes, their obedience, and demeanor as a whole. Mornings, before medications, are horrific in this house. He's been on twelve different medications over the years and been in therapy since age 4...what else is there to do? I refuse to send him to a residential treatment center. The thought of not having him is more than I can bear. I guess I'd rather have it the way it is than not have him at all. I agree that this is a lousy life, but it's what we've been dealt for some unknown reason. I work daily at trying to teach him this is NOT the way you react to people and it falls on deaf ears.

    Miserable, you bet.

    WipedOut, I'm so sorry. You are not alone.
  18. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Fran, I am a little confused by this comment. What is it that you are suggesting wipedout do? Since I am in a similar boat, I would be curious as to what options wipedout and I are not taking advantage of. What if we feel residential is not an option? I feel like I have scraped the bottom of the barrel looking for answers, but yet I feel like there is still something better that could have or could be done. Would you mind expanding on your thoughts?
  19. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Oh, Sharon, I'm so sorry. This just really stinks.

    I agree with slsh and Fran that this violence is over the top. I know you've said that the violence is happening less often, but the intensity of it only seems to increase. That's not a good trade off, hon. He's only 9 and you're already fearing for your safety. What about when he's 12 or 15?

    I know I've said this to you before, but when my son was 10 he was very hostile and angry and, of course, took all of his aggression out on me. I've barricaded myself in my room and then in my bathroom after he got into my room, throwing my entire body weight against the door to keep him out. He is now 16, much bigger than I am, and certainly stronger than I am. If he were doing the same things now as he was doing then, he wouldn't be able to live here. And that would be absolutely devastating to me. He's at his dad's in Georgia til the 22nd and I can't stand it and he's coming home soon. As it was, I did fear for difficult child's safety and I told him I would call the police if he ever touched her again (after I came downstairs to screaming and difficult child's throat was red where my son had been choking her - and after talking to the therapist...I never would have had the courage to say that to my kid all by myself). That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to say to my kids. Fortunately, I didn't have to call the police...but only because I never left them alone again after that...I just didn't give him the opportunity. (by the way, this is when difficult child really went out of control. She already struggled and this just put her over the edge and it's been almost 6 years now of the "fall out".)

    What are you going to do if something like this happens and husband isn't home to help? What if husband isn't home and you have to barricade yourself in your room and difficult child goes on a rampage through the house, being a danger to easy child and possibly himself?

    These are things that in an ideal world no parent would ever have to think about. I know it's hard. I do. Just one concerned mom who has been there done that to another.

  20. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I'm going to take Heather's post a bit farther...

    When women are victims of domestic violence at the hand of their husband, but they choose to stay for whatever reason, they are often prompted to make an "safety plan". Kind of like a what if.

    For example, you might get a cell phone that only dials 911 and give it to your daughter, or get a neighbor to keep an eye for a signal (light flashing). This is so much more difficult than an abusive husband because it is your child, but your safely is no less at risk. And no less important. You should to research now where the boy would have to go if this type of things happens again.

    The Boy Scout motto: be prepared.