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Substance Abuse
Not a good report
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687896" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>RN. He is posturing. I do not necessarily buy anything that he is saying. Nor do I believe he believes it.</p><p>I think your husband handled this beautifully. </p><p></p><p>I am in a similar situation with my son. The thing is: we cannot affect what they hold as important, in a deep and enduring way. They do. They change when and how they decide to. Your son may not be even at an age where he can understand what your husband and you are asking of him, let alone do it. Right now he is conforming, going with the flow, to get what he wants. Call it manipulating, or managing the situation. But nobody can get him to buy in if he is not there yet or chooses not to.</p><p> I agree with this. </p><p></p><p>The problem is, let me see if I can articulate it, is that we are asking for both dependency and independence from this. The message is confused. Do as I say, but take responsibility for it. We will take care of you..if you do what we want...which is take responsibility for yourself. See, how messy it is?</p><p></p><p>I am in the same ugly and horrible spot. I have told my son to leave the rental house where he has been staying because he did not conform to my expectations or to his commitments (which I imposed.) The same messiness. He made the commitments but it was a forced choice.</p><p></p><p>He wants a place to live with us, but he does not buy into the conditions. He has reached the spot where he understands that everything in life has conditions--he just still does not get that he is responsible for meeting them. That he is responsible for his commitments and himself.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, I do not know what to do. In your case it seems clearer because your son is playing with a full deck. My son is on SSI.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687896, member: 18958"] RN. He is posturing. I do not necessarily buy anything that he is saying. Nor do I believe he believes it. I think your husband handled this beautifully. I am in a similar situation with my son. The thing is: we cannot affect what they hold as important, in a deep and enduring way. They do. They change when and how they decide to. Your son may not be even at an age where he can understand what your husband and you are asking of him, let alone do it. Right now he is conforming, going with the flow, to get what he wants. Call it manipulating, or managing the situation. But nobody can get him to buy in if he is not there yet or chooses not to. I agree with this. The problem is, let me see if I can articulate it, is that we are asking for both dependency and independence from this. The message is confused. Do as I say, but take responsibility for it. We will take care of you..if you do what we want...which is take responsibility for yourself. See, how messy it is? I am in the same ugly and horrible spot. I have told my son to leave the rental house where he has been staying because he did not conform to my expectations or to his commitments (which I imposed.) The same messiness. He made the commitments but it was a forced choice. He wants a place to live with us, but he does not buy into the conditions. He has reached the spot where he understands that everything in life has conditions--he just still does not get that he is responsible for meeting them. That he is responsible for his commitments and himself. Honestly, I do not know what to do. In your case it seems clearer because your son is playing with a full deck. My son is on SSI. [/QUOTE]
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