Not a happy camper

[Pandora]

I am the unhappy camper. Ever have one of those things where you knew you shouldn't have but did anyways?

A couple of weeks ago an invitation arrived in the mail to my daughter. It was a reunion with her class from last year. The class where all of her classmates alternately teased and snubbed her. She wasn't keen on going and neither was I, however I did feel it would have been useful for the staff to be able to talk to her. The staff wanted to speak to last years class as it was the first to graduate so as to see how they were doing with regards to preparing for middle school. daughter is, to the best of my knowledge, the only one who went to a private school. Might be useful to get input, I thought.

So I brought her with hopes she'd be able to see some of her teachers. Well they had them all serving pizza to the kids. All the kids ignored her, I don't think one was happy to see her. After about an hour, I said we need to leave, and actually we did. daughter's school had am education fair which I wished to attend. So we left early and went there, and I actually enjoyed looking at what they had had the kids doing.

I still believe daughter has useful information to provide, but in the future it will not be done in the same setting. Her brothers still attend the school, so we can bring her along for some of the meetings for them.

I am still kicking myself for bringing her, and still in a grumpy mood.

 

[DDD]

Was she traumatized? It sounds like you made a choice with sincere hopes that it would be helpful. Sorry it didn't work out. I don't recall the story of your child's experiences but my eldest daughter was "ignored" more than rejected. She was/is a really wonderful person who did not meet the standard definition of teen beauty. Even though she is nearing 50, has an awesome marriage, a terrific career with lifelong financial security.......it still pains "me" that she was never welcomed into her peer group. Somehow she doesn't seem to carry the rejection into her adult life. I hope your daughter is able to compartmentalize too and have an awesome future. DDD

 

[Pandora]

I guess I am mostly mad at myself for going. daughter had the attitude of same old, same old. I guess she could have done without it, and we didn't really accomplish anything in the form of speaking to the teachers.

 

[Marguerite]

Good for daughter, to not take it on board.

I would be contacting the school and pointing out that they lost a golden opportunity to get some feedback from her.

I would also have deep concerns about the welfare of my other children at a school where staff allow this sort of thing to happen without trying to do something about it. How difficult would it have been for a teacher to have stepped in and organised some feedback form each former student? "Now let's hear from each of you, for one minute, on where you are today."

It sounds to me like the school's reasons for doing this were purely cosmetic and not proactive. They just wanted to look good and not really DO anything constructive with the opportunity. THAT is what would deeply concern me, about my other children being in their care. I'd be finding another school that can do better and knows it.

Don't YOU feel bad. YOU did nothing wrong. Not at all!

Marg

 

[DaisyFace]

Pandora--

You went to the meeting with the best of intentions, only to discover that the "meeting" was not really set up the way it was described....so you left. Sounds like you did the right thing--no sense worryinging about it. If the teachers at the meeting were actually interested--I'll bet they would have been glad to see you both and would have had lots of questions.

--DaisyF

 

[aeroeng]

I missed my high school's 5th reunion, because was receiving an award on the same night. A friend told me that the bulk of my fellow students laughed and jeered at a picture of another student who did not have very strong social skills. I felt that after 5 years they should have grown up a little more, and skipped the next several reunions because I just did not feel they were worth my time or money. I finally gave in and went to the 30th reunion. I am a successful engineer, with advanced degrees, good job, and wonderful family. They had not changed, they were the same immature people they always were. The socialites snubbed me just as much as ever. I did connect with one long lost friend, which was nice. But, I will probably not attend another reunion.

But you went with good intentions, and left when you realized it just was not working. It sounds like you were traumatized more then your daughter. Never waste energy worrying about something that went wrong which was based on good intentions. There are just so many more problems to spend your energy on. If your daughter is still hurting, that would be something worth focusing on. For you, just write it off. Emotionally as well.