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Not a moment of peace
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641439" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I'm kind of a vet here and I can help you out perhaps a little bit. I will tell you what worked for us as my child is an adult now and he is doing really well.</p><p></p><p>First of all, your son is most likely not the way he is because of all the chaos in his life, although it doesn't help. But his father is what he is. Lots of kids go through that and do not throw chairs. I had a kid who threw chairs. He is on the autism spectrum and needed interventions specific to this. Behavioral plans do not help children with ADHD/autism/mood disorders/whatever because they do not have behavior problems. They have different wiring in their brain and that's why the diagnosis is important. You can't treat what you don't understand. Perhaps your son has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) rather than ADHD and that is why the medications are not working. I suggest a total evaluation, top to bottom, by a neuropsychologist (my favorite type of diagnostician because they are so thorough and leave no stone unturned). When you know what is going on it is not only easier to understand and to empathize, but it is easier to help your struggling child.</p><p></p><p>Maybe your son inherited something from your husband too. That happens. Our children are 50% them, even if they never see the sperm donor. I adopted kids an d am amazed at how much adopted kids are like their biological parents who most oft hem never meet until they are adults. Although they never saw each other, many not only are very much like their biological parents, but even have similar mannerisms and speech patterns.</p><p></p><p>My own son, whom we adopted at two, is on the spectrum. When we got him, he was like a feral child sometimes. Noises, crowds, lack of sleep, opposing his wishes etc. could send him into a rage. But he started interventions very young. He is twenty-one now and the nicest, sweetest, hardest working and most endearing young man around. Everyone loves him. He is 90% independent, works and has his own apartment. He would not be like this if he had not gotten interventions for his neurological difference early on. He is even sort of friendly now and far more socially appropriate than he once was. His interventions all took place at school and didn't cost us anything. His Occupational Therapist (OT) and PT were in school. His social skills classes were in school. He was in Special Education for Reading and Math and he took off in that class where he became the leader and mentor for many of the less functional children. The school kids treated him well as this school is used to having special needs kids around and he made friends with kids who did not have special needs too. It was all good and all due to our focusing on his disability and helping him with it any way we could. We did not discipline him. It didnt' help. If we put hm in "time out" he would t hrow the chair and scream. You probably know what I mean. Now, and my son is not on medications, he is an easygoing, calm, very happy person. I wish everyone loved life and was as comfortable in his own skin as my son.</p><p></p><p>I wish you good luck. There is help out there, but I would n Occupational Therapist (OT) take a behavioral approach to it. I'd get a comprehensive evaluation and a diagnosis so that you can get help. If you don't, the school will start to call your son "bad" and you may think so too because you don't understand. As you see, your three year old is going through the same chaos and is not doing what his brother does. Something is going on and it is best to find out what. You can't help your son alone...you are not trained to do so. One thing I do know: All children with differences do really well with structure and being told in advance if they are going to have to transition from one activity to another. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and have a good day <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641439, member: 1550"] Hi there. I'm kind of a vet here and I can help you out perhaps a little bit. I will tell you what worked for us as my child is an adult now and he is doing really well. First of all, your son is most likely not the way he is because of all the chaos in his life, although it doesn't help. But his father is what he is. Lots of kids go through that and do not throw chairs. I had a kid who threw chairs. He is on the autism spectrum and needed interventions specific to this. Behavioral plans do not help children with ADHD/autism/mood disorders/whatever because they do not have behavior problems. They have different wiring in their brain and that's why the diagnosis is important. You can't treat what you don't understand. Perhaps your son has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) rather than ADHD and that is why the medications are not working. I suggest a total evaluation, top to bottom, by a neuropsychologist (my favorite type of diagnostician because they are so thorough and leave no stone unturned). When you know what is going on it is not only easier to understand and to empathize, but it is easier to help your struggling child. Maybe your son inherited something from your husband too. That happens. Our children are 50% them, even if they never see the sperm donor. I adopted kids an d am amazed at how much adopted kids are like their biological parents who most oft hem never meet until they are adults. Although they never saw each other, many not only are very much like their biological parents, but even have similar mannerisms and speech patterns. My own son, whom we adopted at two, is on the spectrum. When we got him, he was like a feral child sometimes. Noises, crowds, lack of sleep, opposing his wishes etc. could send him into a rage. But he started interventions very young. He is twenty-one now and the nicest, sweetest, hardest working and most endearing young man around. Everyone loves him. He is 90% independent, works and has his own apartment. He would not be like this if he had not gotten interventions for his neurological difference early on. He is even sort of friendly now and far more socially appropriate than he once was. His interventions all took place at school and didn't cost us anything. His Occupational Therapist (OT) and PT were in school. His social skills classes were in school. He was in Special Education for Reading and Math and he took off in that class where he became the leader and mentor for many of the less functional children. The school kids treated him well as this school is used to having special needs kids around and he made friends with kids who did not have special needs too. It was all good and all due to our focusing on his disability and helping him with it any way we could. We did not discipline him. It didnt' help. If we put hm in "time out" he would t hrow the chair and scream. You probably know what I mean. Now, and my son is not on medications, he is an easygoing, calm, very happy person. I wish everyone loved life and was as comfortable in his own skin as my son. I wish you good luck. There is help out there, but I would n Occupational Therapist (OT) take a behavioral approach to it. I'd get a comprehensive evaluation and a diagnosis so that you can get help. If you don't, the school will start to call your son "bad" and you may think so too because you don't understand. As you see, your three year old is going through the same chaos and is not doing what his brother does. Something is going on and it is best to find out what. You can't help your son alone...you are not trained to do so. One thing I do know: All children with differences do really well with structure and being told in advance if they are going to have to transition from one activity to another. Hugs and have a good day :) [/QUOTE]
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