Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Not Appreciated
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 711752" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>No. It is normal to want gratitude but we set ourselves up for unhappiness and anger by expecting gratitude and good behavior. Expectations are under our control and they are our responsibility.</p><p>I would stop texting her at all.</p><p></p><p>What is the saying? <em>Don't give anything except what you can give freely, without conditions.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>It sounds like what you gave her in your mind had strings attached: Duh. We expect and deserve good behavior and reciprocity. Except it is not within our control to demand it. Therefore, it is not safe for you to give to her, because she uses the relationship to mistreat you.</p><p></p><p>I would try to stop with the diagnosing. There are many mothers of daughters your age that come here describing their daughters as borderline or narcissistic and what the situation seems like to an outside observer is that the mothers do not want to accept that their daughters may be both using and rejecting those same mothers. And that their daughters have every right to live their own lives as they see fit. But they are also, the daughters, responsible for the consequences. Solely responsible. What that means is daughter makes her bed and lies in it. It also means that if she mistreats you, you pull back completely.</p><p></p><p>Change will only come when you withdraw your help and your efforts to get something from her she does not want to give, even if that means pulling back from the relationship, if she mistreats you. This is her life to live, not yours. If she chooses to live badly what can you do expect get out of the way?</p><p></p><p>At some point she may decide she wants a real relationship with you. Until she begins to treat you better, I would withdraw and leave her alone. And then I would concentrate on making my own life as rich and complete as possible.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry. I can only guess how painful this must be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 711752, member: 18958"] No. It is normal to want gratitude but we set ourselves up for unhappiness and anger by expecting gratitude and good behavior. Expectations are under our control and they are our responsibility. I would stop texting her at all. What is the saying? [I]Don't give anything except what you can give freely, without conditions. [/I] It sounds like what you gave her in your mind had strings attached: Duh. We expect and deserve good behavior and reciprocity. Except it is not within our control to demand it. Therefore, it is not safe for you to give to her, because she uses the relationship to mistreat you. I would try to stop with the diagnosing. There are many mothers of daughters your age that come here describing their daughters as borderline or narcissistic and what the situation seems like to an outside observer is that the mothers do not want to accept that their daughters may be both using and rejecting those same mothers. And that their daughters have every right to live their own lives as they see fit. But they are also, the daughters, responsible for the consequences. Solely responsible. What that means is daughter makes her bed and lies in it. It also means that if she mistreats you, you pull back completely. Change will only come when you withdraw your help and your efforts to get something from her she does not want to give, even if that means pulling back from the relationship, if she mistreats you. This is her life to live, not yours. If she chooses to live badly what can you do expect get out of the way? At some point she may decide she wants a real relationship with you. Until she begins to treat you better, I would withdraw and leave her alone. And then I would concentrate on making my own life as rich and complete as possible. I am sorry. I can only guess how painful this must be. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Not Appreciated
Top