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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 711754" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think you would be better off focusing only on yourself. Don't contact her, think of her, or do ANYTHING for her. If she contacts you, don't answer. If she asks for something, say no. Tell her that it isn't something you feel able to do at this time, that you love her but you have been told that she does not want you to text her or for you to contact her and that she does not want to even be polite to you, so you don't feel the need to do anything for her. That means no money, no stuff, no help, go call her friends for that stuff. When she can treat you with basic common decency and respect, you will be willing to have a relationship with her. If she gets ugly on the phone, hang up. Don't let her into your home. Don't meet her anywhere but in public and if she gets mean or disrespectful, walk away. If she follows, find security and tell them she is bothering you and you have asked her to leave you alone. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry. I know it hurts. Sadly, this is likely a facet of her personality. She will change when and if she wants something from you and if she can only get it from you if she acts in a decent way. If you give in when she acts badly, then she will ALWAYS act badly.</p><p></p><p>She WILL act worse before she acts better. You MUST stay strong until she stops acting badly. It will take time and there iwll likely be some period of no contact between you before she acts in a decent, non-abusive manner. </p><p></p><p>Remember, NO is a complete sentence. You do NOT have to be anyone's doormat or target for abuse. You can simply opt out. If she has a key to your home, change those locks ASAP.</p><p></p><p>If she has ANY history of using drugs or alcohol, please go to alanon family meetings. They will be a huge help. It really is a family disorder and the support is amazing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 711754, member: 1233"] I think you would be better off focusing only on yourself. Don't contact her, think of her, or do ANYTHING for her. If she contacts you, don't answer. If she asks for something, say no. Tell her that it isn't something you feel able to do at this time, that you love her but you have been told that she does not want you to text her or for you to contact her and that she does not want to even be polite to you, so you don't feel the need to do anything for her. That means no money, no stuff, no help, go call her friends for that stuff. When she can treat you with basic common decency and respect, you will be willing to have a relationship with her. If she gets ugly on the phone, hang up. Don't let her into your home. Don't meet her anywhere but in public and if she gets mean or disrespectful, walk away. If she follows, find security and tell them she is bothering you and you have asked her to leave you alone. I am sorry. I know it hurts. Sadly, this is likely a facet of her personality. She will change when and if she wants something from you and if she can only get it from you if she acts in a decent way. If you give in when she acts badly, then she will ALWAYS act badly. She WILL act worse before she acts better. You MUST stay strong until she stops acting badly. It will take time and there iwll likely be some period of no contact between you before she acts in a decent, non-abusive manner. Remember, NO is a complete sentence. You do NOT have to be anyone's doormat or target for abuse. You can simply opt out. If she has a key to your home, change those locks ASAP. If she has ANY history of using drugs or alcohol, please go to alanon family meetings. They will be a huge help. It really is a family disorder and the support is amazing. [/QUOTE]
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