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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 711755" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am a mental health patient with a mood disorder. Bipolar doesnt make anyone mean unless the person is manic psychotic.And it passes once stablized.</p><p></p><p>Mean, childish, ungrateful, super entitled people who are not taking drugs usually have Cluster B personality dosorders and dont tend to get help or change. It is their mo to blame everyone else for everything. Look up Cluster B personality disorders in your search engine. She sounds classic. Check Borderline. These people tend to be unable to be nice for long stretches and since they wont get therapy they tend not to improve.</p><p></p><p>Do buy the great book Walking on Eggshells by Randi Krieger. It is written for mothers of Cluster B adult kids, but the book would help one cope with any adult kid who is mean and not personality disordered. A good resource.</p><p></p><p>My son is at least a borderline narcicist. If he abuses me over tje phone (i wont text him) I politely hang up and he has to cool off for three days before I will answer his calls. He knows this so he has really been much better. He lives far away. Since my other, very kind grown kids dont like how he treats me or them, it is best he lives far away. For my sake too.</p><p></p><p>You and I are different in our ap0roach. My Narc son is 39. I'd never give him money or a car. He is a middle age man. Perhaps because he is bright and knows he isnt getting anything from Mom, he got a great job, owns a nice house and a better car than anything he could get from me. He likes to be looked up to so he makes sure he is living presentably. But he would certainly love extra $$$. It never comes from me.</p><p></p><p>We always made all four of our kids work for their own stuff and we have good relationships anyways, and they all are independent with good work ethics, even my auristic son who had so many challenges to overcome. </p><p></p><p>If this were me, i would stop buying her things and paying her rent or at 38 she may always stay a child. You do not need to text her. Wait for her to text you. Only respond tonpolite texts. Dont respond to abusive ones. These are just suggestions of course.</p><p></p><p> You have a life aside of this abusive daughter. Hang out with your kind loved ones and friends. Find new hobbies. Join a class. Make your first focus yourself. Learn to love yourself. </p><p></p><p>Its your time to have fun, free of responsibility for grown children. Certainly you will always love her, but you cant change her. And you are in no way obligated to buy her things. She doesnt even appreciate it. She feels entitled to your support.</p><p></p><p>You can change one person in this world...yourself. Seek therapy if you need it to learn to let go of daughters drama and abuse and to love her but detach from her. Love yourself. A therapist can help with this too. Therapists have been God sends to so many of us.</p><p></p><p>Do not let another person, even an adult child, ruin your well being. Let her figure out true maturity. Or not. It is her life path, not yours.</p><p></p><p>None of us will be around forever. They must learn to stand on their own.</p><p></p><p>And you deserve beautiful, carefree golden years free of trying to fix anyone else and nobody needs abuse from ANYONE. If you wouldnt put up with the same behavior your daughter gives you from your spouse, then why accept it from her?</p><p></p><p>You will get more respect if you dont allow yourself to be mistreated. And act strong, not pathetic and needy. Your daughter feels powerful over you when you do that. That makes her feel as if she can treat you badly.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. Light and love from me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 711755, member: 1550"] I am a mental health patient with a mood disorder. Bipolar doesnt make anyone mean unless the person is manic psychotic.And it passes once stablized. Mean, childish, ungrateful, super entitled people who are not taking drugs usually have Cluster B personality dosorders and dont tend to get help or change. It is their mo to blame everyone else for everything. Look up Cluster B personality disorders in your search engine. She sounds classic. Check Borderline. These people tend to be unable to be nice for long stretches and since they wont get therapy they tend not to improve. Do buy the great book Walking on Eggshells by Randi Krieger. It is written for mothers of Cluster B adult kids, but the book would help one cope with any adult kid who is mean and not personality disordered. A good resource. My son is at least a borderline narcicist. If he abuses me over tje phone (i wont text him) I politely hang up and he has to cool off for three days before I will answer his calls. He knows this so he has really been much better. He lives far away. Since my other, very kind grown kids dont like how he treats me or them, it is best he lives far away. For my sake too. You and I are different in our ap0roach. My Narc son is 39. I'd never give him money or a car. He is a middle age man. Perhaps because he is bright and knows he isnt getting anything from Mom, he got a great job, owns a nice house and a better car than anything he could get from me. He likes to be looked up to so he makes sure he is living presentably. But he would certainly love extra $$$. It never comes from me. We always made all four of our kids work for their own stuff and we have good relationships anyways, and they all are independent with good work ethics, even my auristic son who had so many challenges to overcome. If this were me, i would stop buying her things and paying her rent or at 38 she may always stay a child. You do not need to text her. Wait for her to text you. Only respond tonpolite texts. Dont respond to abusive ones. These are just suggestions of course. You have a life aside of this abusive daughter. Hang out with your kind loved ones and friends. Find new hobbies. Join a class. Make your first focus yourself. Learn to love yourself. Its your time to have fun, free of responsibility for grown children. Certainly you will always love her, but you cant change her. And you are in no way obligated to buy her things. She doesnt even appreciate it. She feels entitled to your support. You can change one person in this world...yourself. Seek therapy if you need it to learn to let go of daughters drama and abuse and to love her but detach from her. Love yourself. A therapist can help with this too. Therapists have been God sends to so many of us. Do not let another person, even an adult child, ruin your well being. Let her figure out true maturity. Or not. It is her life path, not yours. None of us will be around forever. They must learn to stand on their own. And you deserve beautiful, carefree golden years free of trying to fix anyone else and nobody needs abuse from ANYONE. If you wouldnt put up with the same behavior your daughter gives you from your spouse, then why accept it from her? You will get more respect if you dont allow yourself to be mistreated. And act strong, not pathetic and needy. Your daughter feels powerful over you when you do that. That makes her feel as if she can treat you badly. Good luck. Light and love from me :) [/QUOTE]
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