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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 711775" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Appl, if there was a five star option to rate a post, I would have given you one. You nailed it 100%. People in general, especially bullies, tend to be nicer to those who are NOT sacrificing everything for them. It is seem by them as weakness. It makes the bullies sneer at us, not love us more. And many difficult adult kids are bullies.</p><p></p><p> In their minds, Dad, who wont give into their every whim, is a stronger person than mom who is a sucker enough to hand them thousands of dollars and new cars and even buy them houses and bail them out of DUIs when they happen. There is no respect for we who do this by our kids. They know they can play us and see us as weak. Dad, on the other hand, can not be played with. That equals respect to them. </p><p></p><p>Do they even take care of the house, the free car, the apartment you rent for them, the cell phone? Do they spend money you give them for food or for booze and drugs? When they claim something was stolen was it or do they just want new things to sell? Can you trust them? Is this coming out of your retirement? Are you that wealthy? </p><p></p><p>It is also very true that kids nearing 40 tend to start to worry about their older parents, if they are normal, nice people. It IS backward if a 40 year old has no concern for the health or well being of a loving 66 year old parent. It shows a deep lack of caring/empathy. Middle agers do not, if normal, still demand from us and act unconcerned about us.</p><p></p><p>Powerful post, Appl. And so true. Adult kids are not little kids. They may, if disturbed, verbally abuse us if we dont give them toys, but they actually respect that more than if we always give in. Hand your child your love and emotional support, if the adult is on a good path, and stop the bank, the toys, the attempt to love them enough to save them. They wont love you more for it, although at times they may pretend they do in order to keep Christmas going on. The first time you say no, they hate you...thats not love.</p><p></p><p>You cant save them and trying to with "things" will make them disrespect you and see you as weak and abuse worthy. Stand strong!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 711775, member: 1550"] Appl, if there was a five star option to rate a post, I would have given you one. You nailed it 100%. People in general, especially bullies, tend to be nicer to those who are NOT sacrificing everything for them. It is seem by them as weakness. It makes the bullies sneer at us, not love us more. And many difficult adult kids are bullies. In their minds, Dad, who wont give into their every whim, is a stronger person than mom who is a sucker enough to hand them thousands of dollars and new cars and even buy them houses and bail them out of DUIs when they happen. There is no respect for we who do this by our kids. They know they can play us and see us as weak. Dad, on the other hand, can not be played with. That equals respect to them. Do they even take care of the house, the free car, the apartment you rent for them, the cell phone? Do they spend money you give them for food or for booze and drugs? When they claim something was stolen was it or do they just want new things to sell? Can you trust them? Is this coming out of your retirement? Are you that wealthy? It is also very true that kids nearing 40 tend to start to worry about their older parents, if they are normal, nice people. It IS backward if a 40 year old has no concern for the health or well being of a loving 66 year old parent. It shows a deep lack of caring/empathy. Middle agers do not, if normal, still demand from us and act unconcerned about us. Powerful post, Appl. And so true. Adult kids are not little kids. They may, if disturbed, verbally abuse us if we dont give them toys, but they actually respect that more than if we always give in. Hand your child your love and emotional support, if the adult is on a good path, and stop the bank, the toys, the attempt to love them enough to save them. They wont love you more for it, although at times they may pretend they do in order to keep Christmas going on. The first time you say no, they hate you...thats not love. You cant save them and trying to with "things" will make them disrespect you and see you as weak and abuse worthy. Stand strong! [/QUOTE]
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