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Parent Emeritus
Not Comfortable with Family Therapist given my instincts about my son...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 671055" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Sam, are you overthinking this? (I used to overthink EVERYTHING). Give it some time, see what happens, and if it isn't working, change. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is key and so glad to see you write this. This was a big learning for me in AlAnon. Good for you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I think that our job is to advocate for our kids, of course. Especially our minor kids. I see it as a continuum...Sam...Enabling at one end...providing necessary assistance for a minor child at the other end.</p><p></p><p>Most of us at somewhere on that continuum.</p><p></p><p>RE says this: If you resent your "help" to your Difficult Child, then that's enabling. That is a simple way to look at it.</p><p></p><p>I always stop and think...often for a few days...before I get involved...still...with Difficult Child, and he is 26 and has been doing so much better for the past 16 months consistently. I think we have to be very careful with ourselves and with them.</p><p></p><p>Your son is under 18 I believe (right?). My son is 26. It's different. My son sometimes acts and thinks like a much younger person and he doesn't know things I think he should know but his development has been delayed by his drug and alcohol use. I try to remember that when I'm talking to him.</p><p></p><p>It's hard. Hang in there. You clearly are a very caring and thoughtful parent and are focused on doing what is best, and also to healing yourself. That goes such a long way, Sam.</p><p></p><p>And...you aren't going to do this perfectly...and that is just fine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 671055, member: 17542"] Oh Sam, are you overthinking this? (I used to overthink EVERYTHING). Give it some time, see what happens, and if it isn't working, change. This is key and so glad to see you write this. This was a big learning for me in AlAnon. Good for you. Yes, I think that our job is to advocate for our kids, of course. Especially our minor kids. I see it as a continuum...Sam...Enabling at one end...providing necessary assistance for a minor child at the other end. Most of us at somewhere on that continuum. RE says this: If you resent your "help" to your Difficult Child, then that's enabling. That is a simple way to look at it. I always stop and think...often for a few days...before I get involved...still...with Difficult Child, and he is 26 and has been doing so much better for the past 16 months consistently. I think we have to be very careful with ourselves and with them. Your son is under 18 I believe (right?). My son is 26. It's different. My son sometimes acts and thinks like a much younger person and he doesn't know things I think he should know but his development has been delayed by his drug and alcohol use. I try to remember that when I'm talking to him. It's hard. Hang in there. You clearly are a very caring and thoughtful parent and are focused on doing what is best, and also to healing yourself. That goes such a long way, Sam. And...you aren't going to do this perfectly...and that is just fine. [/QUOTE]
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Not Comfortable with Family Therapist given my instincts about my son...
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