My 13.75 year-old kiddo is "a great kid" . She loves animals, music, sleeping, and joking around. She comes off as generally pleasant although socially awkward. Here is the problem: There is constant stress and arguing in the house. She has never done well in school; the school insists she is fine. She doesn't turn in her homework. She will think things are done that are not done. She will claim things don't need to be done that do need to be done. She has to constantly be told what the appropriate behavior is for situations with which she is familiar, like sharing, using manners, and anything that involves being half-way responsible. She doesn't understand concepts like "use good judgment or common sense" or "do the right thing and show you are responsible" instead, you have to spell out exactly what you want. Even then she still will usually fail to meet the expectation appropriate for her age. No matter how many times she is held accountable and has to take the time and make the effort to correct a situation due to a poor decision, she will make the same mistake again. She doesn't seem to be able to anticipate an outcome and try to avoid it. She can't maintain friendships and people seem to be okay with her, but they don't reach out to her and she doesn't reach out to them. She has had lessons, but never practiced. She wants to be an artist but she doesn't practice draw. When she creates something the lack of effort shows and yet she seems to think she did a good job. She can't follow simple instructions and always has to be told again. She gets tired and/or overheated easily but her blood work and thyroid seem to be all normal. She lets kids that are younger than her always take the lead, and she will follow even if they are doing the wrong thing. She doesn't like to take time to think. She seems overly concerned with her outward appearance compared to her friends. She is very critical of other's appearance. She has no girlfriends but insists on having a boyfriend and will lie to anyone in order to get to see him and is not good at covering her tracks. She will use her phone to call him even though she knows I can see the call log and that she will lose her phone privilege. When she gets caught she doesn't seem to be able to figure out how you know, and will not confess unless you prove that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt. When she gets grounded from something she doesn't look forward the day she gets it back. If it is something she can't live without, she will try to sneak it at school (makeup). She doesn't ask for her allowance or try to save money to buy things. She never asks how much she has or if she can go buy something. As you can imagine, all of these characteristics cause me to constantly be correcting, and she has started to argue a lot more and everything we try to get done just takes twice as long because I have to explain everything over again and if she refuses I have to threaten to punish her. I have asked her dozens of times to please cooperate earlier so that she can be rewarded instead of threatened with a consequence but that doesn't work. I have told her what the consequences are ahead of time and that I will give her a consequence just for not cooperating. She will still insist something doesn't need to be done and then won't do it until after she is in trouble. Sigh. Any thoughts? I think she is inattentive ADD and her counselor is seeing also maybe some oppositional defiance. She doesn't seem to be intentionally trying to hurt anyone. Could she be? It's been like this for years but has only escalated as far as my own anger and panic because now as a teen she is dealing with much more severe consequences if she doesn't get her act together.