Not doing well with the contiuned drama....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Jul 25, 2010.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I am honestly trying to keep my mouth shut. I am honestly trying to remain detached.

    difficult child just texted me from the mall "Dingbat (the newest boyfriend of very short duration) just slit his wrists. I know I can't do anything but I feel helpless."

    I called her. "How did you find out?" "He sent me a picture" WHAT?????? He also sent a caption with- the photo, but I'm guessingif he could manage a cell phone, he isn't lying in a bathtub with his life slipping away.

    Good God. I mean, I hope the kid is ok, but he is every bit the difficult child she is and then some.

    She told me she was "up all night" on the phone with him trying to convince him to not kill himself.

    What the heck do you do in a situation like this? I don't want this kid to harm himself. Should I find out who his parents are and call them?

    difficult child was doing so well, and now we are driving down the drama highway (there's been way more than just the guy - it's a pattern with her).

    It's hard to be around her - and I know you guys understand this. And then I feel guilty about that....

    Last edited: Jul 25, 2010
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I would be more concerned about his controlling her than I would be about him wanting to harm himself. Sounds more like he likes the attention she gives him when she thinks he is in danger than him liking her at all? Tell her that if she seriously thinks he will harm himself then she has to call the police and get help to his location ASAP. She is NOT going to be able to "save" him.

    I always tell my Diva that she is not able to "save" anyone her age or older. She has a friend of college age that always took pity on the boys looking for a person to sponge off of and always fell for their sob stories. I pointed out to Diva how they were using her friend who was always much younger than them. No way a teenager or young 20's should be trying to solve life's problems for a mid 20's and older person. They also should not be trying to solve life's problems for people their own age.
  3. Bean

    Bean Member

    Yes. Yes, I do understand.

    Sounds to me like she enjoys the drama of it. Does she tend to navigate towards people who will feed into that desire for drama? Sometimes they like to wrap themselves in other people's drama so they don't have to face their own issues. Keeps their brain and time busy on other things.
  4. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    Sounds to me he might be more of a cutter? He couldn't possibly have cut deep enough to handle a cell phone that well.

    I don't think either you or she should get involved other than to hand him the resources to help himself. Maybe she should call the local PD and report the attempt and have them do a wellness check? That's about all you or she can do honestly. I'm sorry he's going through that, I'm sorry she is and I'm especially sorry that you got dragged into it. On the bright side, she did kind of come to you to kind of vent and possibly look for guidance? Maybe? Not a good sitch to handle by herself, I'd at least text her to call the police to ask them to do that wellness check and leave it in the hands of the police. He may hate her for it right now but he may thank her for it later.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I would definitely try to find out who is parents are and call them. That is what you would want if the roles were reversed. Dingbat sounds like my son and his girlfriend a year ago. My son threatened to hurt himself to her at least in part as a manipulation tactic. It at least partly worked on the girlfriend and that is way too much for any young girl to handle. His girlfriend was not a difficult child she was definitely a easy child! Anyway lucky for me her mom and I had gotten to know each other and had become friends and so she let me know what was going on. In fact even though they have broken up her mom and I are still friends....even though he pulled some awful stuff with her.

    So yes call his parents. You can't ignore those kind of threats...and you need to take the burden off your daughters shoulders and hand it to her parents.
  6. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Yes, Bean, you are right. This has always been a problem. She's a drama magnet. I know she has to find her way out on her own. And, Andy, the control thing occured to me, too. I talked with her about that very idea when she got home. I asked her to think about what would happen if she cut off contact with him. Would he continue doing crazy things? Probably. Would she have peace? More likely than now. If she kept talking to him, would he continue with the crazy behavior? Probably. Would she have peace? No. She actually seemed to be thinking about it.
    Mama, When she texted that he "slit" his wrists, I panicked. Since I talked to her on the phone and since she got home, I see this more as attention-seeking cutting. Most cutters do it in secret and try to hide it. He seems to be cutting for the sake of attention alone. I am very glad she told me (and ever more glad that she seemed to listen), but I do wish she'd find another passtime, like video games or something!

    You're right that I shouldn't worry about the kid. I have enough with difficult child.

    Do any of you get antsy when there is even a small amount of difficult child activity (in this case, drama) after a period of peace? Ugh.
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2010
  7. Bean

    Bean Member

    Yes, I do get antsy... irritated, jumpy. Hard to explain. I tell my husband it is like a gaping wound. Sometimes it is throbbing, sometimes it is healing, and then sometimes she comes along and rips the scab right off, followed by some salt. Maybe there's a bit of denial that comes along with the peace, rather than detachment. And then when the drama comes along again it's a slap in the face. Maybe it's mastering detachment a bit better? (I'm not really saying this for you, but thinking through my own process as I type this)

    I've gotten to where I'm almost more irritated when my difficult child is not stirring things up because I'm bracing myself for when she does. It's not healthy.