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Not feeling Christmas
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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 754342" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p>Beebz,</p><p>I don't know what to say other than I hurt for you and the pain you are in. I too am glad that you're seeing your doctor. All of us here live with some level of grief and sorrow but what you're experiencing right now is debilitating depression and needs to be treated. </p><p>I almost cried when I read your son's kindergarten poem. I so get what your saying. I have photo albums and momentos from Josh's life that I will probably never look at again, at least as long as he is estranged from us and untreated. I just can't handle seeing what once was and what I expected his life to be like when those photos were taken. As it is, I have memories come into my mind frequently, and it's hard to compare those past times to what IS right now. </p><p></p><p>My quote function isn't functioning at the moment but what Jaypee says here:</p><p><strong><em>Mourning the loss of what we wish we had is a tough one. We have a snow storm then a cold snap heading our way. I often wish my sons could be nestled in their beds with clean sheets and warm blankets. Gosh does that seem like too much to ask?</em></strong></p><p><strong><em></em></strong></p><p><strong><em>But then I climb out of the dark hole and remind myself of choices, mental illness, addictions, laziness, inability to function in society. It’s more than anything I’m able to fix. I sure tried but I’m learning to turn it over to God. </em></strong></p><p><strong><em></em></strong></p><p><strong><em>I have to have hope that He is taking care of them. Luckily for sons and myself I remember that God loves us not because we are good but because He is good.</em></strong></p><p></p><p>I think about our son, as you do, and imagine what it would be like to have him here and cook him a good meal, have him sleep in a clean, warm bed, and just talk with him in a normal conversation. But like Jaypee, I too have to stop and remind myself that I have done EVERYTHING humanly possible to do, and it has all failed. Everything. God loves him way more than I do and is there for him whenever he wants to turn to Him. Praying for that helps me because I know God is good and kind and powerful, and He doesn't want me carrying a burden I can't carry and one I was never meant to carry in the first place. </p><p></p><p>As another poster said, it's okay not to be cheery and happy at this time of year. There are many, many people struggling with sadness at this time, and the expectation to be happy and cheerful only makes it worse. We're here for you; you are not alone in this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 754342, member: 22597"] Beebz, I don't know what to say other than I hurt for you and the pain you are in. I too am glad that you're seeing your doctor. All of us here live with some level of grief and sorrow but what you're experiencing right now is debilitating depression and needs to be treated. I almost cried when I read your son's kindergarten poem. I so get what your saying. I have photo albums and momentos from Josh's life that I will probably never look at again, at least as long as he is estranged from us and untreated. I just can't handle seeing what once was and what I expected his life to be like when those photos were taken. As it is, I have memories come into my mind frequently, and it's hard to compare those past times to what IS right now. My quote function isn't functioning at the moment but what Jaypee says here: [B][I]Mourning the loss of what we wish we had is a tough one. We have a snow storm then a cold snap heading our way. I often wish my sons could be nestled in their beds with clean sheets and warm blankets. Gosh does that seem like too much to ask? But then I climb out of the dark hole and remind myself of choices, mental illness, addictions, laziness, inability to function in society. It’s more than anything I’m able to fix. I sure tried but I’m learning to turn it over to God. I have to have hope that He is taking care of them. Luckily for sons and myself I remember that God loves us not because we are good but because He is good.[/I][/B] I think about our son, as you do, and imagine what it would be like to have him here and cook him a good meal, have him sleep in a clean, warm bed, and just talk with him in a normal conversation. But like Jaypee, I too have to stop and remind myself that I have done EVERYTHING humanly possible to do, and it has all failed. Everything. God loves him way more than I do and is there for him whenever he wants to turn to Him. Praying for that helps me because I know God is good and kind and powerful, and He doesn't want me carrying a burden I can't carry and one I was never meant to carry in the first place. As another poster said, it's okay not to be cheery and happy at this time of year. There are many, many people struggling with sadness at this time, and the expectation to be happy and cheerful only makes it worse. We're here for you; you are not alone in this. [/QUOTE]
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