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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 637186" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>PG, just so you know, we are here with you, like RE said no matter what. You can only do what you can live with. That is one of my mantras. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Sig, I so know where you are with your difficult child. I was there too. Everybody is different, but it has been only when we completely (at least for a long time) went hands-off that difficult child has finally started doing something different. Still not the way we would hope, for now, but different. </p><p></p><p>It is bewildering what it takes. We move forward in small measures because we keep thinking, this time, now it will be different, wait and see. </p><p></p><p>The years roll by. We watch and we wait for our 20-something young adult children/difficult children to get out of bed, get off the couch, put the video games down, put the dishes in the dishwasher, smile, say something pleasant, take just one initiative, have a conversation with us, go do SOMETHING.</p><p></p><p>Then, in my case, the worsening behavior, on and on until it is completely intolerable and unacceptable. That day, and I remember it well, that day I wrote up a one-page contract---I evidently needed some kind of "something in writing"---so it had a lesser chance of being twisted beyond recognition by him. I sat down, we went over it, and then, (thankfully), he tore it up in my face and walked out the door. I see now that if he had once again agreed to the terms, and still didn't comply with any of it, it would have taken me much, much longer to make the break. </p><p></p><p>But it was so very painful. And scary. </p><p></p><p>Today, he is working full time, Sig. I found out last night that he stayed in a motel for a week last week, but not sure what he is doing now. So it appears that he is taking most of his paychecks and staying in motels. Why doesn't he get an apartment? I have no idea. We have said we would pay the first month's rent. Or he could get his car fixed for $350 and live in that for a while, and also have a way to work. Why doesn't he? </p><p></p><p>I don't pretend to understand how his mind works. And I also know that I can't have that under my roof, ever again. He and I operate on completely different wave-lengths. I love him, and I want to see him, but I can't have his habits in front of me routinely, because it makes me literally crazy.</p><p></p><p>51% rule. But it is all a process, and you will do what you need to do when you need to do it, Sig and PG.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We are here for you both.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 637186, member: 17542"] PG, just so you know, we are here with you, like RE said no matter what. You can only do what you can live with. That is one of my mantras. Sig, I so know where you are with your difficult child. I was there too. Everybody is different, but it has been only when we completely (at least for a long time) went hands-off that difficult child has finally started doing something different. Still not the way we would hope, for now, but different. It is bewildering what it takes. We move forward in small measures because we keep thinking, this time, now it will be different, wait and see. The years roll by. We watch and we wait for our 20-something young adult children/difficult children to get out of bed, get off the couch, put the video games down, put the dishes in the dishwasher, smile, say something pleasant, take just one initiative, have a conversation with us, go do SOMETHING. Then, in my case, the worsening behavior, on and on until it is completely intolerable and unacceptable. That day, and I remember it well, that day I wrote up a one-page contract---I evidently needed some kind of "something in writing"---so it had a lesser chance of being twisted beyond recognition by him. I sat down, we went over it, and then, (thankfully), he tore it up in my face and walked out the door. I see now that if he had once again agreed to the terms, and still didn't comply with any of it, it would have taken me much, much longer to make the break. But it was so very painful. And scary. Today, he is working full time, Sig. I found out last night that he stayed in a motel for a week last week, but not sure what he is doing now. So it appears that he is taking most of his paychecks and staying in motels. Why doesn't he get an apartment? I have no idea. We have said we would pay the first month's rent. Or he could get his car fixed for $350 and live in that for a while, and also have a way to work. Why doesn't he? I don't pretend to understand how his mind works. And I also know that I can't have that under my roof, ever again. He and I operate on completely different wave-lengths. I love him, and I want to see him, but I can't have his habits in front of me routinely, because it makes me literally crazy. 51% rule. But it is all a process, and you will do what you need to do when you need to do it, Sig and PG. Hang in there. We are here for you both. [/QUOTE]
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