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Not her parent, but still need help
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 631301" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Sigh.</p><p></p><p>How old is she?</p><p></p><p>She sounds like a pretty typical selfish teenage girl. They suck up all the air. </p><p></p><p>All you can do is experiment with ways of making things better for YOU.</p><p></p><p>If the most important thing to you is to not have to have her leave, then stop doing all the extras for her. Stop cleaning her space, stop putting together leftovers for lunch, stop making extra dinner for her since she doesn't reliably come home anyway. She is treating you like drama queens teenage girls (I say it that way because not all teenage girls do this) treat their moms and families. It is nasty. Unfortunately your daughter is watching and learning. What is she learning...that you tolerate being treated this way and go on making lunch and dinner.</p><p></p><p>So stop the enabling. No more sewing help..she is on her own. No more meals. No more rides or errands. Bang on the bathroom door if you need to use it. That is what moms do with their bratty teenage daughters.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you do I would not disrupt your vacation by accommodating her "I want to leave half way through" stand. That is absurd.</p><p></p><p>In general with teenage girls it is kind of biologic, and comes to and end. That is why I was curious about her age. IN your case, if you last through the summer, then you have learned...no more long visits. </p><p></p><p>On the on the other hand, It is entirely reasonable to ask her to leave a day or two before you leave for vacation. You have made your issues clear. Your daughter will see that people have to live with consequences. It would be OK. I doubt it would even end the relationship, unless she has a personality disorder. You sa..I'm sorry, sis, this is just not working out for us. It has been very stressful for me, husband, and my daughter to have you here, and even after we talked it didn't really get better. I love you, but apparently we are better off for now at a distance or with shorter visits. Please pack up your stuff.</p><p></p><p>I do and don't agree with D. You could have said you wanted her home for your birthday. She could have had the sense to realize that people like to have birthdays celebrated. Neither happened. </p><p></p><p>Try reading Melanie Beatty's book "co-dependant no more." I think you will recognize a lot of your behavriors in it..I certainly did. </p><p></p><p>Good luck. I can't tell if she is a difficult child or a bratty teen, but I can certainly see she is making your summer miserable, and I feel your pain!</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 631301, member: 17269"] Sigh. How old is she? She sounds like a pretty typical selfish teenage girl. They suck up all the air. All you can do is experiment with ways of making things better for YOU. If the most important thing to you is to not have to have her leave, then stop doing all the extras for her. Stop cleaning her space, stop putting together leftovers for lunch, stop making extra dinner for her since she doesn't reliably come home anyway. She is treating you like drama queens teenage girls (I say it that way because not all teenage girls do this) treat their moms and families. It is nasty. Unfortunately your daughter is watching and learning. What is she learning...that you tolerate being treated this way and go on making lunch and dinner. So stop the enabling. No more sewing help..she is on her own. No more meals. No more rides or errands. Bang on the bathroom door if you need to use it. That is what moms do with their bratty teenage daughters. Whatever you do I would not disrupt your vacation by accommodating her "I want to leave half way through" stand. That is absurd. In general with teenage girls it is kind of biologic, and comes to and end. That is why I was curious about her age. IN your case, if you last through the summer, then you have learned...no more long visits. On the on the other hand, It is entirely reasonable to ask her to leave a day or two before you leave for vacation. You have made your issues clear. Your daughter will see that people have to live with consequences. It would be OK. I doubt it would even end the relationship, unless she has a personality disorder. You sa..I'm sorry, sis, this is just not working out for us. It has been very stressful for me, husband, and my daughter to have you here, and even after we talked it didn't really get better. I love you, but apparently we are better off for now at a distance or with shorter visits. Please pack up your stuff. I do and don't agree with D. You could have said you wanted her home for your birthday. She could have had the sense to realize that people like to have birthdays celebrated. Neither happened. Try reading Melanie Beatty's book "co-dependant no more." I think you will recognize a lot of your behavriors in it..I certainly did. Good luck. I can't tell if she is a difficult child or a bratty teen, but I can certainly see she is making your summer miserable, and I feel your pain! Echo [/QUOTE]
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