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Not impossible on Purpose?
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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 41884" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>Given your difficult children age when she came to you it may be a good idea to "back off" from the parenting ideals. Just work on building trust & a feeling of safety in her life.</p><p></p><p>You cannot undo what has been done when in bio mom's custody. It's a reality for difficult child. Is there anyway she can talk to you, husband or therapist about those chaotic times safely - with-o judgment? Just an ear?</p><p></p><p>The stone cold part of your difficult child is a pretty common survival instinct for children from chaotic settings. You may see this for a very long time. </p><p></p><p>In your place, I'd find a common interest with your difficult child. Nails, clothes, hair, baking cookies, gardening, riding bikes,. Whatever. Something fun you can do together - remembering that you are not replacing bio mom. You are there to help difficult child safely navigate her life. </p><p></p><p>kt began to trust me when I stopped pushing the mom/daughter relationship & started reiterating that my job is to love her, guide her & keep her safe. This is what makes the biggest impact for kt. </p><p></p><p>Let husband deal with the "parenting" & consequences. You are taking the brunt of GFGness. You are walking a tenuous line between just providing "room & board" for difficult child & making her a part of the family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 41884, member: 393"] Given your difficult children age when she came to you it may be a good idea to "back off" from the parenting ideals. Just work on building trust & a feeling of safety in her life. You cannot undo what has been done when in bio mom's custody. It's a reality for difficult child. Is there anyway she can talk to you, husband or therapist about those chaotic times safely - with-o judgment? Just an ear? The stone cold part of your difficult child is a pretty common survival instinct for children from chaotic settings. You may see this for a very long time. In your place, I'd find a common interest with your difficult child. Nails, clothes, hair, baking cookies, gardening, riding bikes,. Whatever. Something fun you can do together - remembering that you are not replacing bio mom. You are there to help difficult child safely navigate her life. kt began to trust me when I stopped pushing the mom/daughter relationship & started reiterating that my job is to love her, guide her & keep her safe. This is what makes the biggest impact for kt. Let husband deal with the "parenting" & consequences. You are taking the brunt of GFGness. You are walking a tenuous line between just providing "room & board" for difficult child & making her a part of the family. [/QUOTE]
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