Not liking the way 2011 is starting out....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mom2oddson, Jan 1, 2011.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Woke up to a call from Ant's rehab place. First, he's only going to be there for 21 days, not 28 days. Not liking that. And we HAVE TO come for a 3 day family counseling session. That wasn't so bad, it was them wanting it in the middle of the work week. Got them to change it to the Fri-Sun spot.

    But, I doubt my folks will be back from Grandma's by then, I can't bring my Sister with me so I will need to find a weekend long sister for her. Not an easy thing to do.

    For the 3 day counseling session, we stay at the ranch so at least we won't need to come up with money for a room or food, but NO TV, computer, cell phone etc.... I don't think I can handle being unplugged AND classes from 9am-4pm for 3 days. OH and it is over the ONLY appointment date I could get with my therapist!!!! I NEEDED that appointment.

    Add to this all the help I need to do for my Mom before she gets home. Mom's got her hands full. Grandma is purposely wetting herself, refuses to change her clothes or anything else. She's telling everyone she can lies about my's a whole lot of stuff that it's easy for anyone. So, I need to make covers for all of Mom's chairs and I really don't sew. I get to start cleaning out the back bedroom so that Grandma's stuff can be moved in. far, I'm not liking 2011. BUT, my son is in rehab so life is good that way. And I appreciate the chance to vent. Thanks. (If my Mom would get over her fear of computers - I'd send her here. I think she'll need it with the major difficult child Grandma is becoming)
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Depends diapers. Make an investment. Go to a pharmacy that sells home health aids and tell them you need to buy some chux pads. Will save a ton of laundry and the furniture. And you won't have to sew. Generic diaper wipes for when grandma clean her up with. Sanitary and easy on older skin which is fragile......again, reduction in laundry.

    Hmm. Think I'd be telling Grandma that either she changes her clothes or she can go to a nursing home where they will make her change her clothing. (usually works) You do need some cooperation from her and taking care of the elderly at home....especially with what Grandma is pulling is tough at best. Doesn't matter if you intend to put her in a nursing home or not, say it like you mean it. Then inform others to back you up. Grandma is acting like a child, time to begin to treat her with that mind set to some extent. Not saying to completely treat her that way, but I think you know what I mean.

    Could you get a home health aide for the 3 days to come in? Medicare may cover it.

    I hear ya about the New Year not coming in especially well. My mom will be here tomorrow. She wants generation pics taken. I have no teeth. I don't want my picture taken. I mean c'mon, for real?? Mom would never have her picture taken with no teeth, no matter what. Of course Mom spent a fortune since I was a little girl on her mouth to prevent ever having to have dentures in the first place, yet we never once saw the dentist. ugh Mom coming was enough to get it off to a shakey start......but the pics too?? Well that was a bit over the top. lol
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish your mom wasnt afraid of computers too...there is a great site for people taking care of those with alzheimers.

    Though, she may get lots of in person support from her dept of aging.

    As far as the rest, Im sorry. Id be tempted to tell them you cant make it but will do it by phone if needed.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I don't understand how they can require YOU to do a 3-day session of classes when he's over 18. :why: I know I'd be all :nono: and :soapbox:.
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    They will definately do it by phone. You have so much going on right now...I'm sure they're accustomed to families not being able to be there in person.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry things are so rough. The 3 day family thing cannot be enforced. It will help your son greatly if you can go, but it is actually fairly rare for the family to show up and/or stay for anything that long. They won't kick him out for that, not if they are reputable. Send husband or have husband care for things/people at home. It would be in everyone's best interest if you entered alanon as though you were a newly diagnosis'd alcoholic. I DON"T mean that you are, but the entire family - every single generation - has this disease and needs treatment desperately. Even if they are not drinking, the family has dysfunctional patterns. So making 7 meetings in 7 days a goal is an excellent thing for the first week. Then try to hit as many as you can for several months. They have meetings at all sorts of times and in a LOT of places, so you should be able to find them. Look in the phone booth or online. If you are doing meetings and cannot go to the rehab thing I would not worry too much. You have YOUR life also.

    I think that many rehabs try to scare families into attendance by saying it is "mandatory". I know several people who work in and/or operate rehab programs and they have ALL told me that they tell families that it is "required" or "mandatory" and then when family cannot all be there it usually isn't a big deal. If no one can show up they sometimes keep the client longer to give extra support - and there are a LOT LOT LOT of families who simply refuse to show up because "they" don't have a problem. It would be very unlikely that they will throw a client out if family didn't show up unless the client was breaking all the rules or was disruptive.

    If you cannot make it now, you cannot make it. Rehab is difficult child's priority and his responsibility. NOT yours. So don't allow them to make you feel, and act, trapped. As for your Gma, get an assessment by social services and eldercare. In home help may be available very reasonable or even free. Lisa's suggestion about "change clothes or go to a home where they will make you" is a good idea - IF follow through will happen. Sitting in waste soaked clothing is very harmful and even if Gma refuses, your mom could be charged with elder abuse (or whomever is in charge of her when it is discovered). If alzheimers or other types of dementia are causing problems they can sometimes be used to make things easier.

    My family feels it wasn't very "nice" of me to do this, but it made life vastly easier for all who were caring for an elderly relative of mine. He had very little short term memory and it was often like handling a very fragile, very large two year old. When I needed him to do something I would tell him he asked to do it, or he was excited when we talked about it. Much of the time he thought I was his older sister or his wife instead of being sort of an adopted granddau. Lieing isn't good, but this saved a LOT of stress, anger, outbursts, tantrums, and injuries - both for him and for every one who cared for him. I am NOT ashamed, though I have been told I should be. I fully expect my family to do this when and/or if I develop that type of dementia/mental problems. just be cheerful and give it a shot. It won't always work but it can help sometimes.

    They make these awesome rubber/cloth pads for baby beds that don't rattle or make that awful crackly sound. They are great for preserving furniture from accidents. Check baby stores and hospital supply stores. You can also find puppy training pads to be helpful - I have been told they fit on car seats better.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    2011 isnt starting out all that great here either. Billy's phone messed up when it sent an update that didnt have a cancel button attached to it. It just updated all by itself. Well, this just basically killed the phone or so he says. Dunno. All I know is that he either has to send the phone off to get it replaced or drive 45 minutes each way to get to a store that will replace it instore. Ugh.

    Also as of yesterday morning, his 22 inch flat screen tv which he has (or should I say had) died. I dont know why he has issues with electronics except that maybe he has too many of them in his room!
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Yikes! Talk about a FULL've got it. Sorry there is so much pressure.

    Personally (and I sure don't know, of course, if it is doable) I would make an effort to go for ONE day. Your son knows how stressful your life is so he probably won't expect you to attend at all. on the other hand, I think it would be a great jesture of solidarity if you could get there for one day to show that he is special. He probably knows how much he is loved but for you to make that extra effort might have significant impact on his perception.

    Does your Mom have any form of respite? The Dept. of Elder Affairs should be able to lend a helping hand. Perhaps just a few hours away from the house and advice on handling the symptoms of dementia. Sometimes there is more help available than people expect. Encourage her to reach out.

    I am sending sincere prayers your way as you cope with so many difficulties. Hugs. DDD
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    That's what I thought. Is the goal for him to come home to your house, or for him to have his own place or Independent Living or the like? If I were in your situation and was not planning to have him come home, there is no way I'd do three days out of his 21.
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2011
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can see the 3 days at some point in his treatment...maybe towards the end. Not at the beginning.

    When Cory was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), we had to do family therapy each week but because of the distance which really wasnt that far..just an hour and a half, they did one week in person and the other week by phone so I was only going up every other week.

    With your distance and the weather, I would think that doing your meeting by phone at this point would be okay. Now I do think at some point going to see him for one or two days if you can swing it would be a good gesture.