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Parent Emeritus
Not Remembering How People Are: Going Into Denial About Them
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 714663" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We cant make our family functional no matter how we wish it. I found that making my own family....super hub and engaging with my NICE kids makes me feel very happy. I have one son who is often not nice but I dont include him in family fun...he doesnt want to be involved and he is two states away. His siblings wants nothing to do with him. I talk to him seperately on the phone mostly. I am never surprised when he turns mean nor do I cry anymore or even feel very badly. I DO disengage from him for several days after he has gone off on me. He is usually nicer for a long time after I disengage.</p><p></p><p>Dont forget how negative people behave. Make your own group of kind family members (not the unkind ones) and nice friends. I am at a very peaceful place in my life. I like calm energy. This required I set strong boundaries with son and reluctantly realized my sister and I could never find peace together...I can not speak with her. She is the one I keep "forgetting" has a long, long history of cutting me off cold for various reasons and even compulsively calling the cops on me for, say, sending her an email she didnt like. I am done with those mean games and never again will forget why we rarely talk. I no longer ever think we can have a relationship. My husband kept reminding me...I didnt want to listen. Now I know for sure.</p><p></p><p>We need to be mindful of who we allow to be in our lives and we can not change reality. Your daughter will not change. Make sure you see her in a limited way and maybe without your nicer daughter. People dont change without desire to AND years of professional help. Find balanced folks! Those who value you.</p><p></p><p>Nobody has a right to abuse you, including grown children. NOBODY!</p><p>Stop looking at Facebook!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 714663, member: 1550"] We cant make our family functional no matter how we wish it. I found that making my own family....super hub and engaging with my NICE kids makes me feel very happy. I have one son who is often not nice but I dont include him in family fun...he doesnt want to be involved and he is two states away. His siblings wants nothing to do with him. I talk to him seperately on the phone mostly. I am never surprised when he turns mean nor do I cry anymore or even feel very badly. I DO disengage from him for several days after he has gone off on me. He is usually nicer for a long time after I disengage. Dont forget how negative people behave. Make your own group of kind family members (not the unkind ones) and nice friends. I am at a very peaceful place in my life. I like calm energy. This required I set strong boundaries with son and reluctantly realized my sister and I could never find peace together...I can not speak with her. She is the one I keep "forgetting" has a long, long history of cutting me off cold for various reasons and even compulsively calling the cops on me for, say, sending her an email she didnt like. I am done with those mean games and never again will forget why we rarely talk. I no longer ever think we can have a relationship. My husband kept reminding me...I didnt want to listen. Now I know for sure. We need to be mindful of who we allow to be in our lives and we can not change reality. Your daughter will not change. Make sure you see her in a limited way and maybe without your nicer daughter. People dont change without desire to AND years of professional help. Find balanced folks! Those who value you. Nobody has a right to abuse you, including grown children. NOBODY! Stop looking at Facebook!! [/QUOTE]
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Not Remembering How People Are: Going Into Denial About Them
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