Not so good Monday morning

[DownTheRabbitHole]

Sometime between the revolving door of Preschools and Middle school I lost my patience and I've never gotten it back. I hope and I least I have tried to except that my previous perceptions of children were not what was to be with my child. My difficult child will never be like most other children. And for the most part I've accepted and have tried to make the best out of the situations we find ourselves in. But on days
like today all the emotions and frustrations come back. I know things are hard for him but it still doesn't excuse his bad behavior and lately, maybe it the on start of puberty, he has gotten this attitude of not even caring and it is driving me crazy. Is it to much to expect sincere regret for his bad behaviors. Ugh I just hope tomorrow is better.

 

[TerryJ2]

So sorry! I hope it's better tomorrow. One thing about our g'sfg, you never know from day to day what they're going to do. Maybe he will be better tomorrow. At least for a few hrs. Do you know what his other emotional disorders are? Does he have a hairtrigger temper? Does he never bathe or brush his teeth? Is he so defiant, he doesn't care what you do to him? One time, I gave my son a choice of time out or spanking. He chose spanking.
"Why?"
"Because I get it overwith and then I can go back to what I was doing."
!!!!!

 

[DaisyFace]

Is it to much to expect sincere regret for his bad behaviors.

Honestly?

Probably.

One of the things I've found that seems to be the most wearing to parents is the effort to try and get to that moment of "remorse". Parents want their kids to "get it" and own-up to their mistakes. It feels good to know that you, as a parent, have "corrected" a behavior.

Instead, with difficult children you almost never get that moment. That's when parents start to hear themselves talking and lecturing ad nauseum about the same old stuff. It's very frustrating.

I think you have to recognize within yourself this need to hear remorse - and let it go.

Make the correction. Discipline as necessary. Done. Stop talking - he has certainly stopped listening - and move on.

I know it's hard - but it may be necessary to save your sanity.


(((Hugs)))

 

[DownTheRabbitHole]

The stop talking thing... I know exactly what your saying it's just so hard. I know it's just me and even though its never effective I can't seem to stop myself. Like you say I'm waiting for that switch or light to turn on it just doesn't. He considers the "talking" as the worst part or consequence but it is still uneffective when it comes to changing behavior.

I guess that's my struggle to overcome. Accepting that it does no good and not falling back into the same pattern of repeating conversations he already knows.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Practice what should be done, reward anything even close. We found that punishment just NEVER worked. Logical consequences (you break it, you can't use it any more... the real hard-cold-facts kind, not the manufactured kind) work some of the time. But catching the right stuff and rewarding each tiny step? Got us farther, faster than anything else.