Not sure how I'm feeling...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KTMom91, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Today was not a good day pain-wise, in fact I slept pretty much all day. I go in for knee surgery on the 15th. After yesterday's vehicular BS, and calling Useless Boy to tell him yet again he needs to step up, I needed the down time. I'm nervous about the surgery, with a general anesthetic, and recovery time. I'm worried about when I'll be able to go back to work, I'm worried about finances, and on and on.

    About 7 this evening I get a call from Miss KT. She says my mother wants her child support check. Side note - she wanted monetary compensation for putting her life on hold to raise my child, and I pass on the same amount I was awarded when Useless Boy and I divorced. I felt that was fair, since Miss KT is not living here. It p'd me off, though, that she wants it tomorrow. Is this in case I don't wake up from the surgery? Or I have to spend time in the hospital? I am definitely not feeling the love here. Or too much concern. And then, when I try to tell Hubby how I'm feeling, he starts interrupting like he does, telling me what I should be doing and how I should be feeling, and not even attempting to listen to me.

    I'm angry that my mother is more concerned about a check than about my surgery. I'm hurt that Hubby didn't listen. I'm worried about the surgery itself and any and all complications. And I'm feeling very alone right now.
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Awwww Mary.
    Sending big hugs, and an ear to listen.

    Have you tried starting your conversation with husband with "I don't want advice, I don't want you to fix it, I just need you to listen to me..." ? I think a lot of men take conversation as a request for advice...and they want to DO something about it, when all you need is an ear and a shoulder.

    As for your mother, HONESTLY. That's totally insensitive.
    I would tell her that you will get the cheque to her as soon as you can AFTER THE KNEE SURGERY, because right now you're in too much pain to make it to the bank or the mail box. If she needs it that badly can she come and pick it up from you, or would that add further to your misery.

    Sorry you're in pain. There have been great developments in knee surgery techniques over the years. If it's any help, my husband went in for his knee surgery last year on crutches, and walked out on his own power later that day.

    Sending positive thoughts for a successful surgery, a stress free pre-surgery weekend, and a speedy recovery.

  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    :doctor: You have come to the right place says Dr Board.

    All my nurses :nurse: here on the board are hereby requested to give KTMom a shot of good wishes for knee surgery and knowledge that she is not alone while here with friends.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    been there done that and it's not fun. But we care how you feel. And your worries are ligitimate, even if you can't do alot about them. Can't blame you for being worried. It's natural. Knee surgery is a big thing.

    But I can say usually patients do very well and the surgery is a success. Healing time depends on the individual and the situation. But usually if you follow doctor orders, even when you don't want to, (and you won't at first) you heal in the normal time frame.

    Just ask LOTS of questions. Write them down if you think you might forget. And don't worry about how silly you might think they are. You'll feel better knowing the answers regardless. And the docs heard it before, so he won't mind.

    And if cs check isn't due, I'd hold onto it until it is just to be a PITA. Like deserves like. lol

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I know you are scared. Sorry your mom is giving the impression she is worried more about the check than your surgery. I hope your husband will listen more in the future.

    Mucho hugs. It hoovers mightily when those who should love us treat us like dirt.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am so sorry for your pain!

    Let me clue you in on something. Most men, when they hear us complain about something, their first instinct is to fix it. It's in their DNA. I believe that he was not discounting what you had to say, he just feels like as the man of the house, he has to repair whatever is wrong, including your knee.

    Girlfriends are much better suited for just listening to us vent.

    And shame on your mom.
  7. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Sorry for your pain.......hope the surgery does the trick and you can get back to a normal? life.......your mother is a troll......sorry, but to worry about getting the check is insulting....... Do what you can and try not to worry about finances...... Thinking of you and especially sending good thoughts on the 15th!!!
  8. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    <<<HUGS>>> I am so sorry hune! Know we all love you here and poo poo on your Mom for being so insensitive!
  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Nancy---what kind of knee surgery are you having. I can't remember. I had both knee scoped and scraped last summer. One in June, one is August. I know I need to have replacement, but I am trying to postpone as long as possible with diet and exercise and anti-inflammatory. The surgery is not too bad. You will need crutches for the first few days. After that you will be able to walk slowly, short distances. I can walk several miles now (on a good day!)

    Good luck.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member one showed up for the check today. I was finally able to tell Hubby what had bothered me so much about the check request. He hadn't thought of it as "I want my money in case you don't wake up," but once I said that, it just broke his heart.

    Today was a better day, and I'm working tomorrow afternoon (first grade) for a teacher I've subbed for many times. It's a standing Friday afternoon job during her coaching seasons. I get to know the kids, they get to know me, she is really flexible and easy to work for, so it's a good thing all the way around. I have my flash cards for Around the World, and good words for Hangman (pizza, spaghetti, September...), so I think I'm good to go!
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    sweetie, you're feeling alone with everyone too busy to check in on you. been there done that. When you're chronically ill & stuck at home or have an upcoming surgery or test that is nerve wracking people tend to pull back - they are uncomfortable with your discomfort.

    I'm glad you were able to talk to husband about your concerns - I hope husband learns to check in with you & listen with-o needing to fix it right away.
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    KT mom, I can send difficult child and his squirrel, it will get your mind off everything else.:devil::devil::highvoltage:
  13. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    You're not alone. In fact, you have thousands of nutty women right here at your side. :D
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ((((hugs)))) I'm sorry I didn't get to this earlier this week. I'm glad Thursday was a better day and hope that yesterday's subbing job went well too. I'll be saying extra prayers for healing after your surgery.