Not sure If I qualify, buy very concerned

[literally lost]

Hi, I don't know where to begin.
I have a 6 yr old son who has been exibiting very questionable behavior. Since he was quite young he was facinated with his behind(fanny). Now it has progressesd into something terrible.
I have cought him touching himself, our dogs private, and now recently, his little sister. He has stuck things into his..butt. Nothing painful but the idea of this baffles me.
He has never been abused, and I have always been his main care taker. A little history behind us is that his father has been comming in and out of the home since he was born.
(his father suffers from Bi-polar disorder and addiction)
And when His father is home, he tends to be angry,and inpatient, you know like a dry drunk. He really picks on my son due to the fact he is always saying or doing inapproiate things.
I don't know what to do!!
Because this involves odd sexual behavior I fear someone may think he was abused that way and that just isn't the case.
I feel guilt punishing him, because its as if he doesn't mean to do harm. He is loving, but misunderstood. His teachers say he is the leader of the classroom and don't see any behavior problems.
What the heck? Please help any advice is welcomed!

 

[SRL]

Hi literally lost. I'm glad that you found us.

I've been a member of this forum for five years and I think that your son's behaviors aren't just questionable, but are a major red flag that something is going on. As you already know, typical 6 years olds simply do not have knowledge of the sexual acts that you are describing unless they've been introduced to them. I know that you are concerned that someone may suspect he's been molested but given the nature of his actions you are going to have to risk that. If your son has EVER been left alone with his father or another adult, there is always a possibility of abuse, either physical contact or allowing a child to witness sexual acts. There is also a possibility that your son has bipolar or some other disorder with symptoms that include childhood hypersexuality, but in that case you'd probably be seeing other behavioral problems. No matter what the cause, you do need to get him help, not only for his own sake, but the sake of your daughter and other children he comes in contact with.

I know that this is heartwrenching but you really can't let this go. Parents who are aware of their child's sexual acting out but don't take action on it can be held accountable and be at risk for having the other siblings removed from the home by child protection services.

Does your son have a pediatrician? If so, I think I would start there and make a call Monday morning. In the mean time, your son shouldn't ever be left alone with any other children, including his sister.

You're among friends here. We'll help you through this, but please do take this seriously and get your little guy the help he needs.

 

[Marguerite]

Part of the touching can be curiosity. I remember touching the dog's "bits" and trying to work out what it was. My mother was horrified, but there was nothing sexual in what I was doing, it was just pure curiosity. I explored the dogs ears in the same detail. And mine.
It's the inserting of objects that would be a red flag for me, too.

You could tell him that putting objects into his anus can cause damage. It's not designed for it, and in fact things can go in but not always come back out so easily, so it's really not a good idea. If something goes in but doesn't come back out, or he damages the fine tissues in that area, he will have to have a doctor check him out and that can be a bit embarrassing for him, besides being unnecessary, if he leaves that area alone.

(I could tell a few horror stories of some of the interesting problems caused when ADULTS have put things in there that they shouldn't. The man with the vibrating navel is a case in point).

Marg

 

[susiestar]

Please take your son to his doctor, or call and report suspected abuse. It will be traumatic, but it is better if YOU report it. The doctor will do an exam, and then will have to report it most likely.

If your child has been left with his father, or another adult, it IS possible he has been molested. I am so sorry.

SRL is right, if YOU don't take action the authorities CAN, and are quite likely to, remove ALL your children from your home.

You have the job of getting whatever help your son needs AND protecting the other children in the home from him. If you step up and get the ball rolling to investigate, you have a better chance of keeping your children with you.

There ARE disorders that cause childhood hypersexuality, early onset bipolar (Early Onset Bi-Polar (EOBP)) being the one that comes to my mind readily. If you care to learn about this, the book, "The Bipolar Child" is very informative and helpful. But you most likely would be seeing other behavior problems if your son had this.

I am so very sorry. This is SO hard, but it must be addressed for your son's safety and health, AND for the other children's safety and health.

Susie

ps. If you don't report it, and don't take him to the doctor, I would bet a teacher will end up reporting it - they are required to by law in most states.

 

[SRL]

Part of the touching can be curiosity. I remember touching the dog's "bits" and trying to work out what it was. My mother was horrified, but there was nothing sexual in what I was doing, it was just pure curiosity. I explored the dogs ears in the same detail. And mine.
It's the inserting of objects that would be a red flag for me, too.

M, I agree. Touching himself could easily be attributed to typical exploration, and maybe we could extend that to casually touching someone else out of curiousity once or twice, but alarms go off all over the place when touching others persists and/or he's sticking things into his own anus. This is WAY outside the norm for a 6 year old.

Susiestar is correct in saying that it would be better if you reported suspected abuse.

 

[ck1]

I was just curious about what you've tried to discourage this behavior? Instead of punishing him, maybe try the other route and reward him for blocks of time that he doesn't engage in the inappropriate behavior. It's possible that it started as curiousity but maybe he thinks it feels good so it's hard to stop.

Depending how often it is, maybe offer a reward for every 15 minutes that he doesn't touch inappropriately, then lengthen those blocks? I don't know, just a thought. I would definitely talk with his doctor too, others who've responded before me have good points and you just never know. Better to be safe than sorry...

 

[Sara PA]

Keep in mind that children can molest other children and it happens as young as in daycare. I know of one child who was molested by a 14 year old babysitter and another child who was molested by peer in kindergarten.

 

[literally lost]

thank you all for you advice and shared concern for my son and daughter. I am going to seek professional help for him. There are other behaviors I have concern with including emotional frustration, lack of care for others (empathy) and animals, out of this world engery, and saying violent inapproiate things like " I want to blow up..." Or I'll Kill you"
These are only in time of emotional frustration or when he does'nt get his way, but still i don't believe this is normal. I am so very very sad. I love him so much and he has all these great parts of who he is. Why?
I know he is a higher risk for Bi-polar disorder due to the fact that his dad is. I will continue to read, ask questions, and get him some help. I think I need help myself lol!
I have been a stay at home mother for all his life till This January, thats how I can be sure he was not abused. His father has been in treatment and is clean now for over a year, which is a mircle for someone with a duel diagnosis.
Anyway, I just needed some input. I am afraid. I fear he is
bi-polar, and after seeing the difficulty my husband has endured its a nightmare to imagine my son struggling so.
Thank you all for you advice.

 

[SRL]

I agree he needs help.

I'd suggest making an appointment with your pediatrician to start with. There's a parent input form that will help you organize your thoughts -- give a copy to the pediatrician.

http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10

Again, I would like to emphasize that your son should never be left alone with other children. Don't take the risk.