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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 626011" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>How did the massage go JKF? Did it help you to relax and let go? I hope so. I do a lot of relaxing kind of nurturing things for myself, they all help to keep me centered and feeling good.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe another phrase for that is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." It seems that is part of what we parents go through with our difficult child's, a pattern of behavior they induce in us with so many self inflicted dramas they create which we have in the past, run in to fix. After awhile, that becomes our "normal." As many of us can attest to, we can change that "normal" to something else, to a peaceful neutrality. It takes time and it takes work, on our part. </p><p></p><p>We have to interrupt that brain pattern that pushes us to "do something" to do "anything" to fix their lives and to calm down the persistent voice in our own head which fills us with false parental shoulds about what we MOTHERS must do for our kids. It's a lot of fear. And, a lot of shoulds. It takes time to break those cords within us.</p><p></p><p>Keep stepping back, as it feels right to you, then step back further.........as you do that and create that distance, emotionally, other options, as Cedar mentioned, appear for our difficult child's. Just wait. Refrain. Be silent. Step back. Those are major tools most of us here learn to use. It doesn't always feel good, in fact, sometimes it feels bad, but keep doing it. With each step back, you get more comfortable. Then step back further. I do the same thing. And, JFK, it does get easier. In the meantime, continue keeping yourself in very supportive environments, make sure you take very good care of YOU and that you are nurturing yourself and doing things that are fun for you. Do not give your life up to worrying about your difficult child. Donate 15 minutes per day to think of your difficult child, to worry, to ruminate, to think of all the what ifs and then let it go and go about your day. There is nothing for you to do. Nothing. You may as well enjoy your days because whether you worry or you don't the days go by..........make them good days..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 626011, member: 13542"] How did the massage go JKF? Did it help you to relax and let go? I hope so. I do a lot of relaxing kind of nurturing things for myself, they all help to keep me centered and feeling good. I believe another phrase for that is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." It seems that is part of what we parents go through with our difficult child's, a pattern of behavior they induce in us with so many self inflicted dramas they create which we have in the past, run in to fix. After awhile, that becomes our "normal." As many of us can attest to, we can change that "normal" to something else, to a peaceful neutrality. It takes time and it takes work, on our part. We have to interrupt that brain pattern that pushes us to "do something" to do "anything" to fix their lives and to calm down the persistent voice in our own head which fills us with false parental shoulds about what we MOTHERS must do for our kids. It's a lot of fear. And, a lot of shoulds. It takes time to break those cords within us. Keep stepping back, as it feels right to you, then step back further.........as you do that and create that distance, emotionally, other options, as Cedar mentioned, appear for our difficult child's. Just wait. Refrain. Be silent. Step back. Those are major tools most of us here learn to use. It doesn't always feel good, in fact, sometimes it feels bad, but keep doing it. With each step back, you get more comfortable. Then step back further. I do the same thing. And, JFK, it does get easier. In the meantime, continue keeping yourself in very supportive environments, make sure you take very good care of YOU and that you are nurturing yourself and doing things that are fun for you. Do not give your life up to worrying about your difficult child. Donate 15 minutes per day to think of your difficult child, to worry, to ruminate, to think of all the what ifs and then let it go and go about your day. There is nothing for you to do. Nothing. You may as well enjoy your days because whether you worry or you don't the days go by..........make them good days.............. [/QUOTE]
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