not sure what to call this post

[dreamer]

LOL terry- wow, I sure make a mess of communication when I am so all over the place..don't I? Um, the doctor, it was not he who got on me about smoking (well, um, he DID but- yes, he is my doctor and thats his job etc and I handle that OK enough....Originally tis doctor told me he would quit being my doctor if I smoked---but-we came to an agreement of sorts- I dropped from 4 packs a day down to 1 pack a day, and he - well, he settles for that- for now....It was a lady in waiting room...who came from across the room to intrude on a sensitive conversation I was haveing with another man in waiting room....and then SHE began to get on my case....well , in my opinion at the moment, the urgent topic of discussion was this mad and his grandson...not MY smoking and if the lady did not want to smell my smoke- she shoulda taken herself right back where she came from, especially cuz she was not contributing anythng to the conversation, anyway- so she made me mad. LOL.
I do like my doctor, most of the time, and yeah, will keep him..partly cuz I do like him, partly cuz he is the ONLY rheumy for many miles around, and partly cuz he DOES accept Medicare-but mostly cuz usually I DO like him. My bipolar was diagnosis'ed way way WAY back about a million years ago----and I originally resisted the pred exactly becuz of the bipolar....These days I am not always sure if he is now pulling my leg, playing (I tend to play with the docs) or if he is serious--he would much rather NOT have my bipolar complicating things....but truth is we were able to go low enough on prednisone that it is no longer a serious problem. Thank goodness.
Oh I LOVE Stephan KIng (I saw that movie- yup SCARY!)..and I know truckers- lots of them...but this truck scared me so bad, and it WAS like he was possessed or something and then to go and almost get me in an accident- seemingly on purpose...yeesh. It made the long drive harrowing. High speed limits, heavy traffic, not something I have to be in most days- and it gets to me, prickles me- sets me into anxiety mode. I LOVE to drive...but.LOL, I prefer the wide open country roads closer to home. LOL. SOmetimes I put on music, and sing loud along with it, sometimes I just let my mind go 240- while I try to sort some of it out while I drive.....sometimes I simply enjoy the scenery....on rare occasions, I go to library and get a book on tape and pop it in.

The glasses? YIKES....LOL- I had old glasses, REAL old ones....plastic, oversized? But my eyes got worse and I needed bifocals- which I HATE, I just cannot adjust to them.....plus they are smaller frames and wire frames, and they tangle in my hair REALLY bad......
so I switch around between all my old and new glasses.....but my fav old pair broke a couple months ago. and my insurance does not cover glasses.....
Well, yesterday I used my next oldest next fav pair..becuz I was gonna be driving....Yeesh, I could not believe I got home, walked in the door and- whoa! They simply fell right off my darned face! Actually the arm broke at the temple------so I am gonna try to improvise. But goodness, it WAS so unexpected, so bizarre, so silly-goofy. I was not touchning them or anything and PLOP! Yeah it upset me, but also sent me into giggling.

Whoa, the hypomania REALLY was a problem when I was NOT able to be up and walking- YIKES! I was stuck with those thoughts all there in my head, and I could not always type to get them out where I could see them and sort them.....and I am used to being VERY busy, up and about and overscheduled----and there I was stuck with this very busy brain, and unable to do a single darned thing, and there wasn't anyone here for me to even TALK at.
It gave me a much greater appreciation for aphasic persons and for stroke patients and ones with Lou Gehrigs etc.....even for my beloved Alzhiemers patietns I worked for before I got so ill.

It really is hard to have so many things crowding in your head and not haveinng a clue which is important.....Ah but.......the idea of NOT haveig so many thoughts raceing around like bumper cars now is a scary idea to me. If I did not have too many thoughts, maybe I would not have ENOUGH thoughts to function? If all those thoughts were not there, maybe some of the really important ones might be the ones missing?

 

[dreamer]

Oh my poor husband.he could not keep up with a NORMAL conversation.bless his heart and soul. He gets sidetracked with written things if there is a typo or spelling error or errorneous punctuation.and he cannot move past it...loses the who idea of the original intent of the topic entirely.....he just gets so stuck and sidetracked. and when talking, he well.he is now "slow" (due to his illnesses) and he gets stuck talking, too.....and you can try to talk to him, and maybe an HOUR later, he will just then "get it" that you said something.....and then another half an hour before he answers---so- he has serious "lag" and conversing ith him is just impossible. Plus he distorts nearly everything in his psychotic head.and translates most everything into a comment directed at him specifically. If I said someone cut me off in traffic, he would believe I said HE cut me off....and he would first act out physically, with a tantrum.and a 2 hour rant-----and THEN make a reply comment.
BUT---somewhere very very deep inside him....is still the man I married.....and he sits and lets me say everything, lay it all out.....figure out what is going on.......while he sits there and smiles and nods, LOL. The cool thing is every once in awhile- he does appear- the old him.and he offers valuable insight. Not often, BUT......once in awhile. And my poor befuddled husband did know me better than anyone in the world......so when that happens it is SO COOL.

Whew, so in between posting today, I did manage to make some meals to put up adnd do some bakeing and aseemble some ST Pats treats and arrange some more easter things, and call a few docs.....mail a couple pakcages....get all the laundry and dishes done yet again.....LOL. Hypomania does have some benefits if you can figure out how to channel it.