Not sure where to go now...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 2much4me, Sep 29, 2009.

  1. 2much4me

    2much4me New Member

    I am new on here, have been reading the posts for a while now. My difficult child is 11, he was diagnosed as ADHD and ODD in 2003, and added depression in 2007, and Psychosis in June of 2009. We live in a small town with very little resources available locally, he was hospitalized for 7 days during the summer. We drove an hour each way for visitation, he was sedated and doesn't even remember that we were there.

    We had an ARD at his school last week in which they agreed to place him in a Behavior Modification program which he started today. We recieved a call from the school around 9:30 this morning to come and pick him up, he had become aggressive to the staff when they tried to correct one of his papers. He was hitting and fighting the teachers after they had to physically restrain him due to hitting his head on the walls. They are going to give him another chance tomorrow, but if he becomes violent again he will be expelled. Not sure where we go from here.

    I know that he has problems, but it seems like he uses his disability to get his way, he is very manipulative. I am pregnant and I am afraid that he is going to hurt the baby when I have it. I have another child, easy child, 8 f, he is aggressive towards her, but very remorseful when he does hurt her. He is very protective over her, but the fear that he will lose his temper and hurt her is always there. My husband, my kids stepdad, is paranoid schitzophrenic and bipolar. He has 4 girls that only come visit when my difficult child is not home. The girls don't understand my son and prefer not to be around him, it hurts us all that we don't get the opportunity to be a family, but I can't put them in danger.

    My sons father has undiagnosed mental problems, but he relinquished his rights in 2003 and has no contact. My daughters father has been in my sons life since he was 1, we divorced in 2007, both kids have visitation with him but my son doesn't get along with his step-kids and doesn't want to go for visitation anymore. My husband has been a God-send in how he helps me with my son, but he is scared to death that our child is going to be harmed by him.

    Any advice on how to deal with my child?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, but sorry you had to come.

    Is he taking any medication? Do you feel it's helping?

    What sort of mental disorder do you think difficult child's father had? Was he also psychotic? Did he have substance abuse issues too? Was he violent? Even if he relinquished his rights, difficult child has 50% of his genes and he is still relevant this way.

    I'm thinking it may be a good idea to look at another psychiatrist's opinion. I'm surprised your husband, with his own mental health issues, is not more understanding. He must also struggle. Does he know of any good resources to help your difficult child? Are his girls all ok?

    Obviously school placement isn't going to work for your son. He may need an alternative setting. I personally think difficult child probably acts out because he DOES have mental health issues. Manipulative or not, "normal" kids don't hit their teachers. I think he needs more help to succeed in a school setting. JMO

    Good luck, whatever you decide to do. Oh, yeah. Buy "The Explosive Child" by Ross Green. That helps with any child who gets violent!
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
  3. 2much4me

    2much4me New Member

    My difficult child is currently taking Lexpro, Clonidine, Perphenazine, and Adderall, they aren't helping much at this point. His biodad appeared bipolar and was an alcoholic. My husbands oldest 2 are fine, his youngest 2 have depression problems, their mom died of a drug overdose 4 years ago and the youngest one found her, she was almost 2...

    husband is a recovering drug addict, clean for almost 2 years now. It's been hard for both of us, he turned to drugs when his 2nd wife died, he's learned to deal with life since he's been clean and has built a great relationship with his children and mine.

    Unfortunately, we have had little luck finding help where we are. There are only 2 psychiatrists in our area, and only one deals with children. There is only one therapist here, and my son refused to talk to her. Our insurance company has been trying to find someone for him to see. He does have a good ralationship with 1 of the couselors at his school, but he only sees him once a week.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Awwwwwww, sounds like the kiddies have had it tough.

    I live in a small town, but there IS a univeristy hospital an hour away and that's where we go. If you have a university hospital anywhere in your state it may be worth it to make an appointment at least one time and get their opinion. Even if you have to stay overnight at a cheap hotel (which are the only ones we EVER stay at :tongue:) those university hospitals are really more on the cutting edge than private psychiatrists.

    After the visit, they can consult with your local psychiatrists. It's a pain to travel, but we never find anyone close by. Stinks, but...hey, I do like small town living :D
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just want to add my welcome. It's hard when they are violent. Does your son have an IEP? If not, it sounds like he should. If the violence is part of his disability they should have a plan in place in how to deal with it.
  6. dadside

    dadside New Member

    I agree that your difficult child absolutely should have an IEP. If he doesn't, then write a letter requesting he be evaluated for one for X and Y reasons, and deliver the letter to the school principal as soon as possible - preferably first-thing before your difficult child has a chance to act out again. See the "special education" section for guidance on writing the letter. Delivering the letter will put some protections against expulsion in place - not necessarily preventing it, but giving more immediate responsibility to the school to deal with the issues. There is too much to go into here, but if after you deliver the letter you find an advocate to help you, you will be better off. (The school should tell you where/how to find an advocate shortly after you deliver the letter.)
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    IEP is a must & threats or violence will not be tolerated at school. Nor should they be tolerated at your home.

    I'm sorry dear, but you will have to call in the "big guns" until your cry for help is heard. If school cannot handle difficult child they should call 911 & ask for transport of a mentally ill child to the nearest facility for evaluation. At home, you should do the same.

    The medications aren't working; your kids & you & your baby are at risk. difficult child is likely getting big enough he can cause a good bit of damage.

    Contact your county mental health; if need be go higher. Call the hospital SW & ask for any interventions that are available. I cannot think of anything more this morning - you are in a crisis state with your difficult child & steps need to begin to protect difficult child from himself & toward others.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Call the Dept. of Public Education and ask for the Special Needs Advocate to find the one in your area. Our experience has been that school districts do not let you know about advocates and don't want you to have them. We had to find out about them ourselves. Maybe different states have different rules, but we lived in both Illinois and Wisconsin and neither state's school district ever let us know about advocates. We had to do the legwork on our own and if another parent hadn't told us about advocates we wouldn't have known they existed.

    An advocate can make all the difference and they are free.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    MWM is right about an advocate - contact the PACER website. They have information about advocacy in every state of the nation.

    Lots of good federal info as well.