(Not sure where to post this) ...feeling like my heart will rip apart

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Mom2oddson, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I feel like my heart is going to rip apart one day. It's being pulled in so many different directions.

    I've got easy child who is finally doing well. He's found the love of his life and he is so happy. And wanting to provide for her is motivating him to live up to his full potential. And I really like K. What a sweetie!! We text each other on the weekends. I really love her. And I love how well she and easy child fit together. The fact that easy child will not be returning home to live in Washington but will be living his life in Minn is a little sad for me. Over all- I'm so happy over this.

    Ant is (Knock on wood) doing well (for Ant that is - lol). He's still couch surfing, but he's still got his job at the sawmill. He loves his job and wants to keep it. And they do random drug testing so he has to stay clean! :hapydancsmil: He finally got his act together enough to buy a truck. He didn't lose any of his court stuff which turns out to be a good thing. His final court action was to do/pass a drug test. He went to the court appointed place, did the test and passed. The clinic didn't forward the papers to court like they were supposed to so there is a warrent out for Ant again. He will be coming up here to take care of it. And he's waiting until my B-day to come up here so he can see me for my B-day! All in all - this makes me very happy.

    Then I have Steph who is throwing her life away - again. The last time, she went almost a year without talking to us, but we had family keeping us informed. Now that she burned/blew-up all those bridges, I don't think family is an option. So we might never hear from her, she could OD, she could end up in jail.... there is no knowing and it kills my heart.

    I've got a fantastic husband.... but one whose job takes him away a lot. From Jan - May he will be in Japan. He might be leaving this fall for another trip. And husband is my rock that helps me keep it together. If he's gone for that long, I am going to have a hard time.

    What are your secrets to keeping it together when life is giving you extremes??
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So glad to hear easy child and Ant are doing well. I can understand why you are in such pain over Steph. I've never been through what you are going through but when things get extreme I try to get in extra workouts, read, and I do nap a lot. Sending many hugs your way.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad about easy child and Ant. Way To Go!

    And so sorry about your difficult child. I do not know what to say. I am so afraid that I will be in your shoes one day.
    My little sister has gone through that, and her daughter just turned 26 and is finally clean. For now. Even after 4 months, it's a scary ride.
    She is an extrovert and tries to keep her life very busy. She surrounds herself with-very caring friends, and anyone who is critical, she throws out with-the trash. Once you've been through that with-your kids, you learn which friendships are really important.
    I feel for you.
    Many hugs.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    First and foremost, take care of yourself.
    The more extreme life gets, the more extremely difficult it is to do that... and the more extremely important it is!
    Sleep. Eat healthy. Get fresh air and exercise. Surround yourself with positive-impact people - those who really care and who help keep you on an even keel.
  5. You have my sympathy and I can understand how you feel.

    Very good advice posted here about taking care of yourself - especially from Insane.

    I have been taking an herbal remedy (not habit forming) sleep aid called Calms Forte. It has valerian root in it which helps turn my brain off and lets me sleep - sometimes I take it during the day when I feel panicky.
  6. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Thanks for the support.

    The hardest part is this isn't our first time on the merry-go-round. We went through this when she was 15-18. She had her act together and was doing well. She finished High School and even got a scholarship for a year at a Tech School. Then she has to throw it all way.

    It's her life. It's hers to do what she wants with it. I just despise having to go back to that place where I accept that I might have a knock on my door in the middle of the night or that she might choose never to see us again. It's so sad.

    And then I feel guilty for being so happy about the boys while resigned to the fact that I'm powerless where my daughter is concerned.
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    There are no secrets. In away it is like losing a loved one and having to go through all of those stages and hopefully getting to acceptence and some sort of peace in our lives. I went through it with my now 33 year old son, and it took being on a gurney in icu and my family being told I might not live through the next 24 hours, for me to understand what stressing over something that I had no control over could do. I took back my life as hard as it was. Got healthy began to enjoy my other children and be present in their lives. The prodigal son, druggie, jailbird finally had enough of that life and came home half dead and ready to change. He is now an amazing person. I am so glad that I was healthy enough emotionally and physically to be there for him.