Hello, I am writing regarding my daughter who is 14. Couple of things going on with her. 1. Smoking Cigarettes, Drinking and smoking pot. 2. Told me at the beginning of this week she has been depressed and really extra irritable lately and wanted to go see the doctor to get something to help (which I am glad she did tell me). First with the depression, it does run in the family, I think she probably has it to some degree, but I do worry later on she will use that as an excuse not to do stuff (example I can't handle school this week, or do chores or for acting out etc) that is terrible of me to think that way but I do. I do want her to see a counselor but she doesn't trust them because her friend went to one and she told her some stuff and the counselor told the police (she was doing drugs) I can't force her to go. Second, the smoking, drinking and drugs (pot) at a loss what to do, I feel like a bad parent. My husband does not know about this because he would ground her (not that I am against that) but he would forbid her to ever see her friends again (did this once to one friend)nnd pretty much make her a prisoner (she was grounded last summer like this and trust me she put me thru pure hell) and personally that wouldn't stop her she would get the stuff if she wanted. She would sneak out or have someone bring it to her window. My gut tells me this. She has pretty much one best friend she hangs with (she does this stuff too, but she didn't get daughter started on it the one I think she started with she doesn't really hang with her anymore) the girl she hangs with now I don't think is a bad bad kid (I also worry with her depression taking away her best friend will not help, that is who is talks too). I feel guilty because I am sure the money I give her for her chores goes to this stuff (so I am pretty much putting it in her hands) she didn't get chore money last week because she didn't do them but she got birthday money and I know probably what that went to. I have told her I disapprove of what she is doing and I worry about her over dosing and have talked to her about that. This is terrible of me to think this way, I wish she would get caught, I think in her mind no one can stop her, of course would getting caught even help? I also thought (because I am a spineless wimp) of sending an anonymous letter to the police saying to "watch activity" in this area, but as I said before it her getting caught even help. Her grades are bad, afraid she will do summer school (she is smart just doesn't want to do the work) she is mouthy at times to the teacher (no complaints from the school but what I have heard her tell her friends how she told this teacher this or that). She does get sometimes mouthy with me and has been cussing more. Oh yes alcoholism and drugs run on both sides of the family, my husband was a bad alcoholic he still drinks but not like he used to. He can go weeks at a time with not drinking and only drinks on the weekends if anything. I haven't talked to husband at all about this, daughter and him already butt heads. husband most used comment is "ds wasn't or didn't do or have these problems when he was that age" Well teen boys are different then teen girls (I think) I think teen girls have so much more drama in their lives plus hormones, husband doesn't seem to buy it. Thanks for listening to my long post and I am sure I forgetting something but can always add it later.