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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 754537" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is called intermittent reinforcement. It's the hardest of behaviors to extinguish. Because it was randomly rewarded, the recipient holds out and holds out. Here I think you've gone down the rabbit hole, with him. There is no logic. No rationality. No way to understand what he is doing that you will come to. What he's doing is driven by irrationality. Fueled by desperation or even venomous cruelty. As long as you seek to understand you will be continue to be a victim of it. (I do this too. A lot.) This is why "why questions" are so dangerous. We spiral downward, ever downward, because there is never an answer that can suffice. </p><p></p><p>I believe the key is what I call "turning." Just turn yourself to look in the other direction. Away. And with that there is renewal and peace. </p><p></p><p>I think you still must feel there's fault or responsibility on your part. There is none. This is a grown man, nearly middle age. He's abusing you. End of story. </p><p></p><p>I wonder if you would consider changing your cell phone number. I would not want you to have to suffer from even one more of these calls; not even one more time. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry. You never deserved any of this. Nobody would. But you least of all. I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 754537, member: 18958"] This is called intermittent reinforcement. It's the hardest of behaviors to extinguish. Because it was randomly rewarded, the recipient holds out and holds out. Here I think you've gone down the rabbit hole, with him. There is no logic. No rationality. No way to understand what he is doing that you will come to. What he's doing is driven by irrationality. Fueled by desperation or even venomous cruelty. As long as you seek to understand you will be continue to be a victim of it. (I do this too. A lot.) This is why "why questions" are so dangerous. We spiral downward, ever downward, because there is never an answer that can suffice. I believe the key is what I call "turning." Just turn yourself to look in the other direction. Away. And with that there is renewal and peace. I think you still must feel there's fault or responsibility on your part. There is none. This is a grown man, nearly middle age. He's abusing you. End of story. I wonder if you would consider changing your cell phone number. I would not want you to have to suffer from even one more of these calls; not even one more time. I am sorry. You never deserved any of this. Nobody would. But you least of all. I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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