It scares me so much to be here but I feared it would happen sooner or later. As a teen I abused drugs indiscriminately and was really setting out on an unsavory path in life. I was arrested at 15 and somehow completed probation successfully but continued using this or that throughout my young adulthood. I drank occasionally and would always drink too much. It wasn't until I quit using everything that I realized how frequent and pervasive my substance abuse disorder was. I was never dependent or addicted physically but I always wanted "something" to kill the pain, boredom, stress, whatever. I have been clean for close to four years now. My ex-husband and I used to "party" together before we had kids. I tried to keep things straight a long time before ever getting completely sober--I stopped using street drugs years ago and would either drink or take pills to cope. My ex smoked pot daily and drank much worse than I did. Not only did he drink too much but he would do stupid things like drive or act like an idiot or get in other peoples' business at parties (not violent but just dumb and intrusive). After we split up he got his second DUI and this was enough to scare him straight for about a year. He's now back to daily drinking. It was hard for me to get completely clean. Very hard. The temptation to use is so seductive and it never goes away completely. It's still there and I still struggle with it daily. Statistically the children I have with my ex are at a 70-80% likelihood of also suffering from addiction. I've now reached the milestone of my son having his first (confirmed) use. He's 12. I'm obviously terrified. I have spoken to all my kids regularly about the dangers of addiction and how they are at high risk. They verbalize understanding but difficult child has been transparent in his "curiosity" about drug and alcohol use. He has been asking me for ages if I've ever done this or that drug, trying to get it out of me in some kind of "well you turned out okay" justification scheme, I gather. If history is any indicator. With this opportunity for use he did not just try alcohol. He got hammered. In the midst of a bunch of friends who were also curious and opportunistic my son went balls-to-the-wall and ended up hauled to the ER by the police. I haven't talked to him since this happened so I don't even know a lot of the details yet. I do know that the money he's saved from Christmas (which should go toward repairing carpet he burned) is now going to go toward more court fines (he had a prior shoplifting offense). With as close as I got to throwing everything away I've never had the impulsivity issues that Punch has. He has acted like a "crackhead" since I can remember--gluttony, self-indulgence, looking for a sugar or energy-drink rush. It's crazy. I hold out very little hope that he will keep things on the straight and narrow without taking things tot he brink first. I'm just so scared. It was suggested that I try Alanon and I think I'll bring that or Alateen up to him. Substance abuse services are incredibly sparse here. It feels so surreal to have this scourge come full circle and begin inflicting itself on my children.