Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Jan 6, 2013.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Now gfgbro is stalking his ex. I cannot fathom what he thnks he will get out of this.

    Lately Niece has complained that she is lonely at her mom's house because her mom spends all her time on the phone or computer with her boyfriends. Exsil has either 4 or 5 boyfriends in addition to the man she is engaged to. Lots of the computer stuff is skyping porn and niece has to stay in her room (has tv, dvd player, etc... and often is sent there with a quart of ice cream for a 'little snack'. Or a bag of cookies. or both.

    Niece has a cell phone. exsil got it so niece couldn't be told she wasn't allowed to use the phone when she is with gfgbro or my folks. The only times they wont let her use the phone to call her mom is after 9 or before 7 because her mom rages if she gets calls then.

    Gfgbro hasn't been able to reach niece to say goodnight on quite a few nights. Even after he bought minutes for niece's phone. Exsil won't answer call waiting even on niece's phone. So he started driving over to say goodnight. The bedtime phone calls are not new, they have done them since they first split up.

    The 2nd or 3rd time he drove over to say goodnight, he saw exsil's vehicle leaving. He followed her. She went to a convenience store and spent an HOUR there. NOT interviewing for a job, not by a long shot. He waited outside for an entire hour, then followed her home. He called when she was driving (they BOTH use cell phones while driving even though they have each had at least one accident because they were using their phones while driving, grrrrrrr) and she said that niece was in bed already and was asleep.

    I can see going over to spend the night. I can sort of see following to see where she was going, maybe. But waiting an hour and not saying anything, just lurking and then following her home? in my opinion he is going to get arrested if he doesn't stop. Stalking is a crime. Plus he is going to end up going bonkers with rage if she keeps doing this.

    Even worse, he put niece totally in the middle. Poor kid doesn't know WHAT to do. He confronted NIECE about where she was that night. Then told her he knew she wasn't in bed because he was behind them in the car, and that he knew they were at the convenience store for an hour, and asked her what exsil was doing there. He told niece not to lie about this to him ever again. Poor kid's mom is telling her to lie and likely telling her that Daddy will get mad and hurt Mommy if niece tells the truth. Then her dad is telling her that she is not to lie to him and that SHE will be in trouble if she lies to him about what her mom is doing. So what is niece to do???? The only thing she can do - CRY.

    I sooooooo do NOT want to deal with this. I let my mom talk about it because she seems to need to talk. I don't say much about it, but I know she cannot really vent to my dad because he already hates exsil and he often just cannot listen with-o going nuts. I have urged my mom to discuss gfgbro's behavior with the lawyer so that she can maybe help hm avoid stalking charges. Any future custody iissues will NOT be helped if gfgbro has stalking charges or even if he isn't charged but exsil has proof that he is following her.

    I am now even more afraid of him. Hopefully having school start for both Niece and gfgbro, and all this drama with exsil, will keep gfgbro too busy to bother us!
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, that poor niece.
    I hate this sort of thing. I feel so badly for her.
    In regard to your bro, not much you can do unless his ex wants to file charges.
    Any way you can spend some time with-your niece?
    This would drive me crazy. Detach, detach, detach.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I know this is stressful, just try to remember this is gfgbro's drama and not yours.

    Niece will survive her parents lunacy. She sounds like a very intelligent young girl with tons of common sense. I'm guessing she got more of your gene combo than her parents. lol But seriously, my mom had this sort of drama going on from time to time when I was a kid and yes we were dragged into it for some reason only known to her. I wasn't much older than your niece when I told the adults involved that I wasn't playing their game. I never told any of them about anything, ever. My lips were zipped. Threats were meaningless. And boy did I hear threats.....a few were made good until mom figured out that wasn't going to work either.

    I hope niece gets to see you and your parents fairly often so she has the stability example she needs so much right now. It's that example she will likely follow.

    As I said before, any hint of trouble from gfgbro call the police and go get an order of protection against him. Take none of his nonsense. If niece doesn't understand at this point, she will in the future. (but I think she understands more than you think she does)

  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Just wondering where you are hearing this it Niece who is sharing it with you? And if Niece is confiding that her father is threatening her - can you make an anonymous call to CPS?
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My mom is telling me about this. I listen because I know she needs to talk. I see niece very rarely. When I decided that bro would not be in our lives, he decided that we could not see niece. He is okay if we are at my folks when she is, but we cannot give her gifts, etc... Largely because I won't accept gifts from him to my kids. This came about when I realized that every time either of the kids so much as wore a shirt he gave them they had nightmares that night. Not worth the stress, even on the rare occasion that he would give something they actually like. Most of the gifts he has given are so clearly things the recipient would neither use nor like that they were a slap in the face, in my opinion.

    Niece has had to be a strong young lady. No real choice as her mother has her half the week and is drunk/stoned so much she is often passed out. Niece spends a lot of time with my folks. At least one night a week during many semesters because gfgbro seems to always have a night class. Mom keeps her overnight because it is silly to wake a kid up at ten or later at night just to take her home and put her into bed. Instead my mom gets up, gives her bfast and gets her to school. My parents do a LOT of babysitting for both bro and exsil. WAY more than they ever did for us. I can still remember my mom saying they would take Wiz when they wanted him, but we could not ask them to sit more than 2 times a month unless we had some emergency. They end up with niece on average of 3 days a week after school and on weekends, but that is the low side and many times it is all night. They are afraid of what will happen to her if they tell exsil no, and when they tell bro they cannot babysit then he has a 'crisis' and has to go to a meeting or he might drink. About a decade sober and he pulls this almost every time they tell him that they cannot babysit. I find it laughable, but I am not the one dealing with him, and I won't be the one dealing with it either.

    NO chance my parents would EVER report him to CPS. They will report exsil if they can, but in my opinion they should have years ago. But it is their decision.

    I think it is rather ironic that he is stalking his ex, because shortly after they split up his ex would show up wherever he was and try to start a fight so she could claim he was abusing her. Of course he bit, but people who were there flat told exsil's atty that it was clear that she started it and that she hit bro but he didn't hit back. He wouldn't hit back in public, he is too sneaky for that. he waits until no one is looking, I could have told her that.

    I really hope and pray that niece survives her parents. Esp as her mom has been known to treat her bulimia by losing weight via taking stimulants. I know she used to get adhd medications for that, and I would not be surprised to find a meth or crack habit, though mostly she is usually on opiates. Niece is smart, and sweet, and very very loving. I hope my parents have provided enough stability for her to have a clue what stability is.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I really hope and pray that niece survives her parents.

    I do too. What a tragic situation.