Now he wants to be involved.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, May 11, 2009.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    So now husband is saying he wants to go to meetings at the school. I think it is good (maybe) that he wants to be involved, but at the same time it makes me nervous. He has the attitude that it is not difficult child's fault that he fights, that if kids pick on him it is because he is small for his age and if he gets in a fight then that is what happens, neither good nor bad. It is what he went thru so his son will go thru it. He thinks I blow how difficult child acts out of proportion, untill difficult child acts that way to husband and then he wants to change his medications cuz they aren't working. husband is a difficult child, and it is so obvious sometimes. He is so wishy washy, I really don't want him having much to do with the IEP and school stuff. He has too much say as a parent and knows too little. I explained yet again (he has some short term memory loss) what an IEP was and why we wanted it.

    However, I think it would be good for him to start going to psychiatrist appointment's, and this next therapist appointment may be for us parents, so maybe I will make a point of seeing if he wants to go. difficult child has a multitude of appts this week, psychiatrist, therapist and Occupational Therapist (OT). husband has to take him to Occupational Therapist (OT), but I think I will see if husband wants to go to psychiatrist and therapist appointment with us/me. It really scares me some, as if he is in the right mood he can just totally blow off difficult child's behaviors as just being a boy, and it makes me angry and sometimes even makes me look stupid. I guess I have been doing this on my own for so long (the appts and all communication) that the idea of sharing this is kinda freaky.

    Now watch, I will ask husband and he will bail out and not want to go, and I will have posted and freaked out over nothing.:sick:
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi CrazyMama--

    If I could get out of half the meetings and appointments I have to attend on behalf of my kids, I would escape in a second! If your husband really wants to be involved--all the better. I think it's wonderful! However, if he is anything like so many men I know, he will get bored pretty quickly, and before you know it--it will be all on you again.

    If your husband has suffers from memory issues...perhaps he will forget that he said was even interested in attending the meetings at all...?

    Either way, I'm betting the interest in attending all the meetings and appointments will wane pretty quickly....

    Don't get your hopes up too soon!

  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If he does get more involved I hope that he will be helpful. I know my husband is a huge support and takes him to many appointments. Hugs.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I think if he does go, it may open the door to two positive things: One, he will be more knowledgeable and aware of the realities of difficult child and his issues, and TWO, he may end up seeing his own issues and get help for them. That's what happened with my husband. He's not quite skipping down the path to recovery/mental health all on his own yet, but he's getting closer. I'm sure he never would have made the progress he has if he'd never gone to any of the psychiatrist, therapist, etc. appointments.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Well, I spoke too soon. He does not want to go now. I will offer again tommorrow, but I doubt he will take it. I had even figured out the positives, and was looking forward to it. He seems overwhelmed by going to psychiatrist or therapist with me/difficult child tommorrow. I find that kinda interesting, as husband has his own psychiatrist, and has never missed an appointment and does not mind(or seem to mind) going to see him. husband has met difficult child's psychiatrist several times, so it's not like they are strangers--but it has been over a year since he has been with us. As for therapist, husband drops difficult child off many times and I pick him up(the secretary calls it the changing of the guard) so he has met her briefly in the office. Oh well.

    These last few weeks have been hard for me, and I am pretty sure they have been just as hard or harder for husband.

    GCV--if husband had not come to the few appts he did with difficult child I don't know if he would have gotten help for himself. As I learned more and read more I would drop hints, and then he made an appointment with psychiatrist and the rest is history. I am so incredibly grateful that husband keeps his appts and takes his medications. I really do not know how I ever dealt with him unmedicated, and thankfully this medwash thing(doing nekkid chicken dance to ward off board curse) has gone very smoothly. He goes to psychiatrist Thursday and I think will get put on Seroquel and I am not sure if he goes back on Lamictal or not. We will see.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :hammer: CM, I totally forgot that husband is already on medications! Anyhow, maybe once his medications are right again he'll feel more like participating. My husband was easily overwhelmed by stuff like that pre-medications. It's only been in the last year that he's EVER gone to an IEP meeting or a parenting seminar.
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    GCV, it's funny. He mentioned going to a meeting at the school, and then when I mention psychiatrist and therapist he acts all weirded out, like a kid going to the principal's office. I told him that they are nice people and won't bite him, and he said there is no reason for him to go as he won't remember anything anyways(he is having some major short term memory issues). I told him that if he says one thing that mght help difficult child, then it is worth him going and he does not need to remember what goes on . I felt kinda bad about that, as I get frustrated with him when I have to repeat myself several times and he has no recollection of me telling him things and then gets mad at me because I did not tell him. I want the TV life, the perfect family.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Just tell him HE doesn't have to remember anything, you'll do that for him! You just need him to go to help provide his perspective as the other parent. Maybe that will ease his worry about having to "perform"?

    FWIW, my husband has similar memory issues. It IS hard.