Now he's gone

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Mar 31, 2010.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    difficult child came home around 5:30 and helped me cook dinner, then ate. He atlked to me about his plans to discuss things with his PO- not a story I would believe in entirety but maybe showing some glimmer of hope that there was still a side of him that wanted something good. Apparently that was another BS story. He said he was going to the bathroom about 9:40 then going to his bedroom. About 10 mins later I got up to check and he was nowhere to be found in this house. Oh- I should mention that he has a condom and he says his best friend gave it to him- that he hasn't told this guy he's on parole but has told him he can't break the law anymore- and he says he met a girl. Who knows what the truth really is. I have locked the doors. I'd seriously like to know what the PO's mentor who's supposed to be here "to let difficult child talk to him in trust about things he can't talk to his parent about" is supposed to do to solve this problem- about the same as the probation officer's in home therapist who wasn't scheduled to appear for a week after difficult child pulled a knife on me? And all the while- difficult child blaming me for being too strict as the cause of his problems and GAL blaming my issues as the cause of it all.

    All I can say is that I have locked the doors. Who knows what the night will bring- if I'll be calling 911 within 10 mins or just telling PO whenever he decides to call. And I'm supposed to block all this out and go on as normal and work to pay for this house? Right. I hope that newborn son that GAL has teaches her a heck of a lot about reality.
  2. Never a moments peace. I hope he doesn't keep you up all night with worry.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh no :( I'm so sorry he's doing this. I hope that no "crisis" occurs tonight. Have you considered calling the non-emergency number and tell them you have a juvenile on house arrest who's disappeared? That's what I'd be tempted to do, personally. If you'd rather not stir up that hornet's nest, I would try to call the PO first thing in the morning and at least try to speak to someone in his office if you get VM again ... let them know that it's now become urgent.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    There's a law for being out past 11:00 pm for a minor- statsu offense (or whatever) but still, I could call and report him for that shortly. Here he is - I'll touch back later.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He was knocking at the door- I let him in. He said he's going to bed. I'm going to suggest that PO put him on a monitored ankle bracelet AND some time in detention. I have no idea what he will do- he could do anything from re-committing him (but I doubt it- as it turns out there was some reason- maybe age- that difficult child couldn't be held longer), detterring it all to the "mentor", giving custody to dss/ my bro, I guess that's about it. I've done all I know- difficult child knows the risk of going to my bro at this point. If he's determined to defy any rules it would do no good to drop him off at school and pick him up. His big complaint was that I was too strict- I think that's BS- these are parole requirements not mine and he had to do certain things to get realeased from Department of Juvenile Justice (or so he thought) and he did them with no problem- and I can assure you those rules in Department of Juvenile Justice are stricter than mine- or the PO's for that matter.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    difficult child is still trying to tell you that you are too strict? Find out what the rules are in Department of Juvenile Justice and ask him if he prefers those, cause that is what he will get for continuing to break house arrest rules!! Also figure out what you will do next time it happens, call non-emergency number, call PO, etc... and tell him. Personally, given the way he is totally ignoring the rules at home, I would say calling the police non-emergency number would be my suggestion. It is pretty clear that he will NOT abide by your rules.

    Does he still have a cell phone? Are you willing to continue to provide it? If so, you might consider having the GPS tracker feature turned on. Just don't tell him and make sure that the cell phone company will not let it be turned off online or by the phone controls. Have all changes made in person or by phone only. Then make sure that difficult child doesn't get a copy of the bill or your social security number. He needs one or the other to make changes.

    I am really sorry he is making these choices. I had been hoping that the time in Department of Juvenile Justice would result in better decision making from him. Sending hugs to you.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PO's have pagers or cell phones. They are on call. If animal control officers are then I know PO's are.

    You need to have a meeting of the minds with his PO. difficult child is doing exactly what he said he was going to do when he was in Department of Juvenile Justice. He basically told the therapist in there that he wanted to do this. She bought into it all the way. Now you need the PO to stand up and have some dangly bits. He has a whole lot of leeway in what he can do.

    Really it is not hard to make a kids life a living hell. Mentor shmentor. Its the PO's job to be the front line defense.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I agree with both of you- bit keep in mind- we aren't even to a point of house rules yet- these are parole rules he's violating. The PO left a message today saying he'd call first thing tomorrow am. I will definitely be telling him that now the issue isn't just difficult child defying my rules (because you know- I don't understand a male and I'm too strict) but difficult child is completely defying parole regulations at this point. I AM curious to see howe he handles that. Obviously, incarceration gave difficult child opportunity to learn worse- not that excuses him by any means but it doesn't appear to be the answer to me.

    No- no way in heck that difficult child has a cell phone- besides the obvious problems that occur when you really have no idea where they are, difficult child stole cell phones, downloaded porn, cost me hundreds of dollars and embarraessment at my last job- well no- I can't see me ever getting him another one.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    K, I'm so sorry he's making these choices. Hugs and strength to you...please be safe.
  10. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    I'm so sorry you're dealing with this - but I think we have the same kid. Ha. Probation violations apparently mean nothing. Breaking and entering mean nothing. My difficult child has violated all conditions of his probation within 24 hours of court. I tell his DJO, she waits, then finally writes him up and her supervisor squashes the whole thing. SAME supervisor, I might add, who decided that difficult child was in "need of protection" last year.

    Idiots, they're all idiots. And it's always OUR fault. We're too strict, or whatever. Ha.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOL! Yeah, maybe it is the same kid! I think my son's parole officer is a little more in touch than his previous probation officer though. Now his GAL is a different story- she's a complete whack job.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He just doesn't stop.
    I agree with-Janet.
    I am so sorry you are stuck with-such incompetent "guidance" and "security."
    Fingers crossed.
    And {{hugs}}
  13. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Oh, our DJO is great - but she can only do so much. The "whack job" part comes with her supervisor, the court psychologist, and the court therapist....

    It's all that touchy-feely, hearts and flowers and rainbows garbage - you know, where, if we parents would just COMPROMISE and TALK and RELAX our horrid, outdated, extremely strict RULES, everything would be wonderful! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Yep, I've heard my share of that. But if you are the opposite then the problem is a parent who won't hold their kid accountable- the parent needs classes to learn the rewards and consequences concept. And if one way doesn't work so the parent changes to try a different method, then the problem is that the parent isn't being consistent. The only thing every one (including the difficult child and extended family) is sure of is that it's the parent's fault. Even the parent blames him/herself half the time.

    Thanks goodness this PO seems to be getting it quickly. I would have felt like jumping off a cliff if we were stuck with someone like the last one or the GAL.