Now I have news...

Calamity Jane

Well-Known Member
PG,
She may relent...maybe when she thinks it over she will come to her senses. If not, there's literally nothing more you can do. It's almost like they sense how much you WANT them to do the right thing, they are on the edge of the cliff, and BAM...they just go the other way. Very frustrating. I'm so sorry.
 
S

Signorina

Guest
Oh honey, I am so sorry. I have not been in your shoes but I know and understand of the frustration of a difficult child desperately holding on to doing things "their way" - the defiant obstinacy- that leaves us dumbfounded and dashes our hopes. Practice detachment and concentrate on the blessing of these few sober months for the baby.
 

PatriotsGirl

Well-Known Member
It's odd. I have a peace within knowing there truly is nothing more that I can do. I fought the fight. I am still shaking my head in disbelief over her choices, but I know they are her choices to make, her consequences to deal with and I have zero power or control over them. It's a shame that after all this, she still thinks she knows better than anyone. :(

I hate that I am so excited about baby Connor and at this point, I have no idea what will happen to him. husband and I both agree that we could attain custody pretty easily if we wanted to. But would we want to is the question. At times I think I could do it and at other times, I get depressed at the thought of having to raise a child all over again and lose the freedom we have gained with the kids growing up. We talked a little about it this weekend...

So when it comes to Connor, we are in a holding pattern watching and waiting. But I am sticking to my guns when it comes to her. I am NOT doing a thing to support her when she is now refusing to enter the program. I was supporting and helping her because she told me she would take the program. She has not tried to call again, which is a good thing because I really don't want to talk to her...I have nothing to say that she wants to hear anyway. :(
 

Bunny

Active Member
PG, I am so sorry that your daughter has made this choice. While I have never traveled the road that you have been on, and are currently on, I can hear your disappointment in your words and I know how sad and frustrated you must feel with her and her choices. Hopefully, she will stay in jail until the baby is born.
 

PatriotsGirl

Well-Known Member
She just called and asked if I was still angry with her. I asked her if I had a reason not to be and she told me that I don't even know what she is taking. She read off the requirements of this "Level 2" treatment - it is the Family Treatment Court program, but does not include residential rehab??!! She needs to go to so many meetings per week, group sessions, counseling, blah blah blah. Tested a "minimum" of twice a month. Oh really - twice per month?? Well that practically guarantees that she will stay clean, doesn't it?? UGH. We got into an argument. I told her I had zero faith that she could stay clean without rehab after she is released. She was appalled I could even think such a thing! Really??? Because wow, she is pregnant!! I told her that didn't stop her the first four months!! She said she had stopped shooting it and don't I know how hard it is to stop shooting?? Oh, yeah, she smoked it instead. Oh my, of course, that is much better. Seriously??? THIS is how she thinks??? I told her it does not matter - you USED - ANY use is horrible!!!! Then her excuse was she didn't know she wanted the baby then but she does now. I swear - pure stupidity. She then has the gall to ask me to contact her "old man" and ask him to put money on the account so she could talk to someone that doesn't stress her out. I told her I am not doing a thing. He knows when there is no money on the phone account - they TELL you!

Well, miss difficult child is in for a huge wake up call. I emailed the courts to ask what "level 2" meant. She said just because she "rated" at level 2, does not mean she does not attend residential...difficult child just doesn't know that, yet. She told me her case will be staffed next week and that is when they will spell out the requirements - they are recommending residential...
 

PatriotsGirl

Well-Known Member
Do you think she would be more inclined to go if the court puts her in the residential treatment?

Definitely not...I think she is more apt to take it if there is no residential...but I don't think she will be able to stay sober without being in residential. She has shown this time and time again though she swears it is different this time. Yup, if I only had a dollar everytime I heard that...
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
PG....We need to make arrangements by the end of August to meet for me to bring this stuff to you, maybe just past Labor Day. If you are anything like me, you wont be able to turn that baby away. You are still young enough and in good enough health to handle it. I dont think you could live with yourself. I didnt think I would have wanted Keyana and you know how close we are. I wouldnt take a billion for that little girl of mine. In fact just the other day she asked me who my first little girl was and I told her she was and she looked very confused because she said "but grandma, you're my grandmother not my mother!" I said I know honey but I never got to have any little girls when I was raising my boys so I had to wait until they had babies and so you were the first little girl who came into my life! I always dreamed of having a little girl and then your daddy gave me you! She just beamed.

I have 2 cribs, a swing, a bouncy chair, a jumper, and a walker. There would be clothes but I dont think you want pink...lol.
 

toughlovin

Well-Known Member
Oh PG I am disappointed with you. I do think the drug court programs (at least here) are pretty strict and if you use then you end up back in jail. It might be worth your while to call them and get a real understanding of what would be required of her in the outpatient program. And the other thing is where is she going to live, with boyfriend? Is that even reasonable? I know with my difficult child one reason the court is recommending residential is that he is homeless, cant live with us and cant live with his girlfriend. With no place to live and no transportation he really would not make it in the outpatient program and they know that... hence residential. So I think in your shoes I would go talk to the PO or the drug court folks and let them know your concerns.....knowing where you stand may help them do the right thing. Clearly the right thing is either staying in jail or residential treatment and if she is given that choice she may take residential.

Thinking about you.

*TL
 

PatriotsGirl

Well-Known Member
Thank you everyone!

I talked to the treatment coordinator handling her case. Apparently, miss difficult child has been told by both her and her lawyer about the very real possibility that she will go to residential. They ARE recommending residential. I will know more next week...she is supposed to formally accept the program today (if she is accepting) and she will go to court next week. The judge will make sure she fully understands what will be expected of her. I have not talked to her since Monday when we argued so I have no idea where her head is at. :(

I think the programs are strict because they have to be...

husband, easy child and I are heading to the lake today to camp for the rest of the week - they are calling for rain every single day that we are there....lovely....
 

PatriotsGirl

Well-Known Member
I just received an email telling me that she will not be accepted into family treatment court until after the baby is born?? That the next step was to sentence her directly to rehab or stay in custody until the baby is born. I don't know if she refused, or the judge messed us up or what. :-(
She said she would know more after talking to her lawyer on Monday...
 
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